泥鳅沼泽

Caveman

2008-07-03T03:30:00.003+08:00

There is no doubt about it.
The work-home-work routine will hardly change.
I lost friends.
I'm still losing friends.
I love my job,
but the price to pay to keep it is high.
Will it come a time when I will lose more than friends?
Could it get any worse?
Like a boat that lost its sails;
Like the kite with broken strings.
Am I losing direction,
allowing work to dictate my destinations?

Am I Burnt Out?

2008-02-01T01:19:00.000+08:00

Late At Night

Another day has passed... Another day of OT. For the past one month, OT is a norm rather than the exception. Just this week alone, with the exception of Monday, whereby I leave work at normal hours so as to celebrate YN's birthday, my timesheet reads: Tues-9pm, Wed-11pm, Thurs-12.35am... Tomorrow? I don't even dare think...

To be honest, I don't exactly felt stressed at work. In fact I'm always the cool and calm one in the office (plus my boss, who is extremely cool and calm!!). The low spirit crept in went I knocked off from work. The feeling is really depressing when at the end of the day, this go through your mind: "Yes!! Finally off from work! So, what now? .......... Go home and sleep, wake up tomorrow and repeat the whole rotinue again, what else?!?!" 10plus hours cooped inside the office (I've to lunch in everyday) can really drive one mad. I count myself fortune to remain sane. Exams is at CNY Eve, and I don't even have the time to start revising for it... It will take a mircale to pass this exam... Now that is stress!

Back Stabbing

2008-01-11T00:49:00.000+08:00

Back-Stabbing

The back-stabbing has occured. Much sooner than I expected. Stabbing me while I'm away. Smart, but bet she doesn't knew I got my own spies around. Revenge or to turn away, either choice seems favourable to me. Although personally, revenge will be more satisfying... Nasty Nick is back...

CPA Australia

2008-01-05T23:53:00.001+08:00

CPA Australia

Went to the CPA Australia info session at Starhub Centre. (Thanks dear, for accompanying me there despite your cough... 感动）Obviously not qualified to be a associate member of CPA (Aus) yet, but it will be something I'm striving forward to. A new year resolution sort of way. It will be another step towards my dream career. However, achieving my graduation by end of 2008 will be my most important and immediate goal. Hopefully everything will go according to plan....

I guess its hard to convince people that accounting is interesting, unless they REALLY are interested. I gave up trying to convince YN that accounting can be an alternate path for her if engineering doesn't work out for her. I can only hope she is supportive of the career path I'm undertaking. It won't be easy on her, with my late nights at work. Balancing work and relationship will be my biggest challenge when I become a full-fledged accountant. I've seen enough break-ups caused by work commitment. As much as I love accounting, I will be wretched if it means sacrificing our relationship for that. Its a dilemma I pray that I never have to face...

The bitching won't stop!!

2008-01-02T22:35:00.000+08:00

The bitching won't stop!!

It finally came to a point where I almost feel like punching someone face. Well, faces to be exact. I cannot describe how the pettiness of my two colleagues and their not-so-discreet sarcasm with each other is driving me nuts! As if the unwanted noise level created by them isn't bad enough, they had to drag ME in! Asking yes or no questions that you knew either answer will get you in trouble with either party. So what do you do??? Laugh it off, of course. Except for the fact the I'm in no entertaining mood, with deadlines killing you ever so softly....

So I just simply kept my mouth shut. The bitching was so terrible to bear that I had to:
1) Escape to the toilet and chant for 2mins to calm myself from doing anything murderous.
2) Grab any opportunities to be away from my desk, for as long as my desk duties allows me.
3) Start playing happy songs in my brain in an attempt to block out the bitching.
4) Leave the office on the dot (For the first time in weeks) even though my job is not exactly finished.
I like to believe that I'm mostly patient and cool. To drive me this nuts takes some doing and oh my, can these two f**king id*ot do it well. (I'll most probably gonna get bad karma for this, but what the heck!!).

The new finance manager came in today. (Not surprisingly, its part of the bitching topic). The common observations from most is that she seems to be a tough, non-nonsense lady and aren't gonna be easy to work with. Personally, I like to give her the benefit of the doubt and will only judge after the settling down period is over. Even if the observations are accurate, I think I will manage. As long as she is reasonable, I'm alright with tough lady-boss. Besides, age is on my side. Not happy, leave lah! This company was, anyway, meant to be just a stepping stone in my career right from the start. Once I finished learning what I need to learn, and the opportunities to progress does not present itself, I'll be off. I do not exactly need to 忍气吞声 in order to just stay in the job, do I? Mwhahaha!!

分手快乐

2007-12-30T09:50:00.000+08:00

分手快乐

铃；铃铃铃铃铃铃铃铃铃！
冲；Initial D 的冲。
找；东找，西找。
哭；轻声的哭。
喝；干杯！为了快乐而喝。
说；不吐不快！说个明白。
骂；大骂特骂。
喝；再喝。
说；把委屈都说出来。
哭；尽情的哭！毫无保留，无需故做坚强。
回；回家，回去现实。
伤；疗伤的过程才刚刚开始。。。

Holiday!! Yeah!!

2007-12-20T08:53:00.001+08:00

Holiday!! Yeah!!

Salamat Hari Raya Haji! Finally, a break to catch my breath. With all due respect to our Muslim friends, I really don't give a damn if its Haji or any other festivals. I'm just glad that its a public holiday! Although I won't be exactly taking a break, since I need to help out in the painting of my home, it is a pleasant distraction away from work. With the no-leave-application policy being imposed on us by the company, a break during the weekday is so gratefully appreciated. No trainings, no OT, no never-ending in-tray to clear, no need to listen to squabble and sarcastic exchange between colleagues, no EMAILS TO REPLY (YES!!!!!!!!!!), no data to key, no payments to process, no filing to make, no calls to engage, no meeting of vendors who are chasing you for outstanding payment from 2005... no everything!!

These few weeks is like a dream-turn-nightmare drama for me. From the highs of the promotion news, to the shock realisation of the amount of work and new responsibilities that awaits me in 2008 after each training, its like seeing a demon slowing taking shape right in front of you and there's nothing you can do to stop it. To make matters worse, you realised that you're the appointed baby-sitter of this horrible demon-child! To be honest, this is what I've being hoping for ever since I step into the company- an opportunity to prove myself that I'm able to deal with big responsibility. Although not regretting that I got what I wish for, I would I have prefer that some time was offered to me so that I can be mentally prepared for it. But judging from the way things are rushed, I guess its a luxury the company cannot afford to me...

Oh ya, just one more trivial matter to announce... I just gotten a letter from the army to inform me that they decided to downgraded my PES status to C2L2. Good news really. It means I'm spared from the time-wasting IPPT test and the 3 months RT that comes right after. Have to say I'm pleasantly surprise. I did not know how a 3 months MC and no further actions from me became a downgrade of status. Who cares anyway? Haha!

P.S: If there are times that I did not reply from your missed call / sms or you know of anyone who gotten pissed off that I did not reply, I like to apologise for that (although not very sincerely... =P). I will get back to you soon (a lie), or maybe when we meet up (truth).

Suffocating

2007-12-16T20:40:00.000+08:00

Suffocating

The weight of expectation is heavy.
The responsibility is overloading.
The tiredness is overwhelming.
The whole experience is hallowing.

Suffocating...
Suffocating from the expectations people have on me.
Suffocating from the responsibilities that are thrust upon me.
Suffocating... and the tiredness isn't helping.
Suffocating... but the experience may still prove to be priceless in the future... I hope...

A lonely fight...
Even though I'm not alone.
A uphill struggle...
Although no hill is insurmountable.
Where are the encouragements when I needed them?
In books they say, but I've no time to read them.
Ha, such a hypocrite I am.
No time to read, yet here I am blogging away,
Complaining...

Tomorrow is another fight.
Another fight to equip myself for the future battles.
Another fight to quell the politics.
Another fight to stay sane.
Another fight to to remain calm,
Even though deep inside I'm screaming...
Screaming for help.
Screaming for strength.
Screaming for wisdom.
Screaming for a break.

Who will read this blog?
Who will still care?
I no longer hope,
not because I've lost hope,
But because I knew that is an unreasonable demand.
All are busy and all have their fair share of untold stress.
There are more important things to do,
More important people to save,
More important task to complete.
There is always something more important than oneself...
Learn to live with it.
Cos' I have.

Promotion

2007-12-06T19:20:00.000+08:00

Promotion

Despite staying with the company for almost one and a half years, rejected various opportunities for seemingly greener pastures, hoping that my abilities will be recognised and be rewarded with a permanent position, the news of my impending promotion came rather unexpectedly.

Firstly, I've pretty much given up hope of being offered a permanent position. In fact, I was already contemplating about leaving the company once my contract ends in January. I was getting a frustrated with my, sometimes, monotonous job. With each passing day, as I get more and more familiarise with my work, there were many a times where I was particularly doing nothing the whole day as I've finished everything that needs to be done, way ahead of schedule.

Secondly, the previous round of contract negotiation between the company, my agency and myself leave a pretty bad taste in the mouth. Although in the end all parties compromise to salvage the situation, it seems that any future negotiation will be pretty thorny. Based on my judgement then, the next round of negotiation will most probably be me taking a pay cut or having my agency to compromise their earnings again; neither is likely to be acceptable for both parties. Hence, I wasn't too optimistic about the possible extension of my stay in the company, let alone a permanent position.

Lastly, right from the beginning, I was only hoping to gain a permanent position within the company. Promotion has never crossed my mind. At least I don't think the company would make such a decision, given the fact that I'm the least experienced worker in the entire department. Besides, it only seems natural that any job openings will be filled by internal promotion of the current permanent staff or recruiting from the market. It has never occurred to me that the company will give the opportunity to a contract staff like myself...

The news was communicated to me when I decided to knock on my boss' door and talked to him. My actions was motivated by rumors that there might be changes to our job scope next year due to the merger between our four inter-company entities and the overhaul of the whole operating and accounting system. My intention was purely to find out what are the plans the company have for me and the tasks that I will be assigned to. This is to prepare myself for the data migration and also to plan my timetable. This is important to me personally, as I really dislike heading into a major project not knowing what is gonna happen and what am I suppose to do. Of course the rumors and the fact that some of my colleagues were already informed about their new responsibilities also makes me feel rather lost and uncomfortable. That's when I got to know about my impending conversion to permanent staff cum promotion and also my new responsibilities. According to my boss, my promotion was through recommendation, rather ironically, from the consultants who came over to Singapore during the past few weeks to provide us with trainings for the new accounting system. Apparently, the consultants was rather impressed with my ability to grasp the new system and felt that I was able to handle it better than my more experienced colleagues. Can you believe it?? I fruitlessly slogged for more than a year and now suddenly I'm getting what I wanted and more just by a simple recommendation from consultants who only knew me for less than a month!

However, I have yet to come to a conclusive decision whether to accept it or not. Of course I will welcome the expected pay increment and employee benefits (FINALLY!!!). The opportunity to expose myself to new challenges is also something that I'm very much looking forward to. But, there is still a small matter of overcoming certain HR issues. The changes in job scope not only affects me. My colleague, the one who taught me almost everything in my job, will suddenly become my assistant... (She is yet to know about the arrangement) Of course I'm not going to go all bossy and arrogant towards her (that will be suicidal in all circumstances), but there is always the fear that she may feel unfairly treated and cause our relationship to sour. It is a situation I would rather avoid.

So far, the people that I sought advise from all encourage me to take up the offer and after a few days of consideration, my decision does leans towards that direction. I still have my uneasiness with regards to the relationsip with my colleague, but I guess if I couldn't handle it, then I don't deserve the promotion anyway. Tactful and lotsa of daimoku is the way forward...

2007-11-17T04:23:00.000+08:00

My life is filled with people who have helped me along the way...
I have friends who will listen to my thoughts...
I have a family who supports me wholeheartedly...
I have a girlfriend, whom, despite the occassional squabble, I loved to bits...
I have comrades who share the same burden and goals with me...
I have nasty bosses who makes me reflect on myself, what are the things that I can improve on...
I have humorous colleagues who brightens up the day...
I have members who brights joy to my day with a simple sms of care and concern...
I have a troublesome brother, who makes me realise the important role I've to play in the family...
I have wonderful business associates who are always willing to share a joke with me...
I have demanding clients, who will let me realise that there is always room for improvement...
I have leaders who are always concern my well-being...
I have so many many wonderful budhhas appearing in my life...
And I like to say - Thank you!
Thank you all for making me who I am today, and definitely who I will be in the future.
The Mystic Law brought us together and I'm forever grateful...
And I like to repay my gratitute to all of you...
I like to me there when you need someone to help you,
Or just be there for you.
I will not shy away from your call.
I will not turn my back on you.
Cos that will be rejecting your existence,
and utimately, rejecting my own existence...

明天过后

2007-10-16T22:42:00.000+08:00

你问我，明天过后会如何
世界若毁灭我们又怎么了。
我笑了，电影情节太唬人
只有单纯的你相信着。

你问我，明天过后会如何
冰天雪地里我们怎么活着。
我笑了，笑你太傻又太笨
但自己心中却决定了。。。

我相信抱着，
你的手就温暖了。
睡着或醒着，
我的手为你加温。
就算明天崩塌又如何？
我们手握着。
外面天再冷，
全都由我负责。

也许我有时太傻太呆又太闷
甜言蜜语不是我的风格
但请相信
真心从来不会少一分
多嘴的人
恋爱从不会认真

我相信抱着，
你的手就温暖了。
睡着或醒着，
我的手为你加温。
就算明天崩塌又如何？
我们手握着。
外面天再冷，
全都由我负责。
这世界再冷，
你的心不会冷。。

Funny, but...

2007-07-06T09:02:00.000+08:00

Funny, but.....

I was on my way to work, when I saw two 5-yrs-old (maybe another is 6 if they are not twins. Can't tell the difference in looks but one is slightly taller), walking hand-in-hand. I wasn't exactly paying much attention to them as I'm rushing for work, when something quite unexpected happened... The younger boy (shorter boy), suddenly started singing. Well, nothing wrong with that, except for the fact that the lyrics of the "song" contains only when one word, and that word is "chee-by@" Now, something is very wrong with that scene!! You have two really really adorable kids, walking hand-in-hand, singing a song whose language is normally used by:
1) Angry teenagers (its seems that every teenagers nowadays are angry...)
2) Army lads (its must be an unspoken rule in the NS that one must learnt this language to confuse the enemies when engaging in warfare)
3) Frustrated adults (or man with post-NS syndrome)
4) Drunk Ah-pek (okay... fine... sober AND drunk Ah-pek...)
What's making this worse is that the "song" was sang in a very cutey tune... The whole scenario seems so ridiculous wrong that I do not know whether I should laugh or cry! Anyway, that young boy was rightfully punished by the father with a few gentle slaps on the face and was made to apologise. The father also demanded to know from whom did his son learnt that from. I did not have time to slow down and listen to the boy's reply. I can only hope that his answer is not something similar to: "That day when Daddy and Mummy was shouting at each other..."

A Strong Woman

2007-06-11T03:39:00.000+08:00

Saw the blog of an old schoolmate of mine... Realised she has broken up with her boyfriend, who, incidentally is also a friend of mine. Reading through her blog, and I must say I have a new level of admiration for her. She dealt with her failed relationship with much dignity. She even have a blog entry on her ex-boyfriends. There was no hurtful words or self-pity. Just a simple gratefulness for all the memories that they have gave her at different phase of her life and sincere blessing to all of them in their future endeavours. I believe it takes great strength to pick yourself up after a failed relationship; great courage to give love another chance; more importantly, a big heart to appreciate both the wonderful and unhappy moments that each relationship brings. This schoolmate of mine did all that and I'm sure she leading a much happier life than most people... Simply because she knew how to have a positive outlook in life. She keeps the good memories, learn from the bad ones and then keep them aside and not let them rule over her life. I didn't get to know her enough to realise she has such a strong character. If you have realised, I address her as an old schoolmate and not friend. This is because we only knew each other through our ECA (now known as CCA) during our secondary school days. Kinda regret that I did not take the opportunity to really get to know her better as a friend. Oh well, I'm just glad she is doing fine... :)

P.S. This entry is also meant for a dear friend of mine. I hope that she will be reading this and understand the underlying message that I wish to express to her through this blog entry. 我想给你的鼓励其实就在文字里。你看得见吗？

The night before exam

2007-06-07T00:23:00.000+08:00

Exam officially starts tomorrow... It will be a open book exam, and in a way, I'm glad the exam starts off with an open-book. Open-book exam means that the amount of time and efforts needed to memorise is much reduced. It more on understanding the topic. Since my revision engine seems to warm up a bit slowly this time round, an open-book is much welcome. I just hope that this is not a false sense of security...

After my exam tomorrow, I will take a short break and go on a date with Winnie. Think it will be a great opportunity to re-charge my battery for a while. Anyway, I do miss her while burying myself in books and past-year papers. Phone calls have been reduced to the minimum. Even sms and msn too. I'm really like a caveman when it comes to exam. I will simply shut everyone away and retreat back to my 'cave' and concentrate fully on my exam preparation. Not too sure if that's good or bad, but that's the way I am.

To all my gakkai comardes, I'm really sorry for all the meetings and trainings that I've missed for the last couple for weeks. I really do not have the mood nor time. I can only hope for your understanding. I will also like to apologise if I seem cold lately. I think its the caveman syndrome. Give me another couple of week. I'll be back. I promised.

Muar Chinese - 麻坡的华语 - www.namewee.com

2007-05-31T06:15:00.001+08:00

Damn funny!! It is full of swearing, so if you're someone who will get offended by that, then leave it.

都是人

2007-05-31T05:23:00.000+08:00

车辆的喧闹声，
像似在叮咛着忙碌的都市人，
千万不能停下脚步。
即费寝又忘食，
二十四小时不停为某事拼搏；
都市人还都是人吗？

空气中弥漫着紧张的气息。
犹如一个饱满的气球,
只要一触即爆。
为何人们却还能够生存呢?
难道只剩下一个躯壳,
灵魂早已出窍?

I want to break free

2007-05-27T16:54:00.000+08:00

This is a plea...
Please leave me alone for a while.
I need some time away,
From all the Hi's and Hello's and How-do-you-do's.
From all the genuine concerns
And sincere askings.
Yes, I'm pleading to all my friends out there...
Please leave me alone for a while.
I'm tired...
All of you have meant well,
But I feel drained.
I want to wake up and know that I've no comittment to anything or anyone.
I want to escape from the reality for a while.
For a while, not forever.
So please don't be unduly worried about me.
I'm not a kid and I know what I'm doing.
I'm not silly enough to throw away everything that are so precious to me,
And that includes you.
Neither am I crazy enough to do something stupid to hurt myself physically.
Never done it and never will.
I just need some breathing space,
As I begin my fight against my personal challenges.
Juggling work, assignments, exams, relationship, gakkai commitments, family and friends...
All at one go,
Is driving me nuts.
I suck at multi-tasking, so I simply decided to juggle less.
So I choose to drop gakkai commitments and friends.
I know I'm not exactly setting a good example as a leader,
But then again, who ever look up to me in the first place?
As for friends, I can't believe I'm doing that...
I just hope all of you will understand...
If you choose to forsaken our friendship because of this,
I will not blame...
Nor will I cry...
'Cause I'll know who are the real friends
And who are my dead-weights.
That will instead be a bonus for me.

I hate to have made this decision.
Not a pleasant feeling,
But a decision I had to make nonetheless.
I just wish all the assignments and exams end soon.
Then I can concentrate on the things that I truly enjoying doing.
To be with my friends.
Please be patient with me.
I'll be back.
Please don't bug me with another commitment for me.
I'll be more than glad to take it when I've more time.
Please stop your futile attempt to lure me...
I know your tricks from the very first words you utter to me.
Please stop telling me to challenge myself.
It is not as if I'm not doing that every single day.
All I ask is to have little more faith in me,
To trust me that I'm able to stand alone in this rough period.
Do not give me sympathy.
I've too much pride to accept that.
Just give me time and space,
And I will be grateful.

K vs A

2007-05-24T00:15:00.001+08:00

Office politics.... Grrr!! Hate it!! And you know what's worse? I've been dragged into it when I'm not involved the whole time... I knew office politics exist in any working environment, but I've always tried to stay away from it unless necessary. Especially in my current job situation, where I don't see myself staying put for long. What's the use of playing politics in a workplace you don't see your future in? Its a waste of my energy...

Two of my colleagues, let's just called them A and K. And this is what happened....

K: Do you know the budget figures for division ABC?
A: (in a annoyed tone) Don't know!
K:Then how about division XYZ? Its also under your care.
A: Already told you I don't know! I don't know means I don't know. You go ask other people lah! It was never done by me.

(K called C over the phone)
K:.... cannot get the figures for you.
.... yeah, and she is very rude...
A: K! I where got rude?! You say I rude, you yourself not rude ah?! I already told you I don't know!
K: (After putting down the phone) You like that not rude meh?! I ask you nicely but you...
A: That's why I said I don't know already ma! I don't know how to tell you?! You like that say people not rude ah?
K: Okay! You think you not rude? Never mind.
(Then a long moment of chilling quietness)

After that, A, like most people after would do after a quarrel, started to look for her "allies" and complain and seek for assurance - the classic "I got wrong meh? You say lah, I got wrong meh?" Faintz!! I overheard what she said to her allies and it sure isn't nice. Stuffs like not going to help K in future and making things difficult for her are just things one will expect, and was indeed, heard from A.

K, on the other hand turns to me, unfortunately. She kinda thinks that I'm "on her side" when actually, I'm just a innocent by-stander. Well, mistake number 1. As long as you're in the office, unless is all for one (which is rare), otherwise you can NEVER be a neutral. You will be assumed to be belonged to "this camp" or "that camp" even if you're not.

Anyway, K also ask me the classic question, which I just simply nod my head or just sigh. The same thing applies for all the other questions she asked. However if you ask me how I really felt about the incident, I think they're both no angels.

A is foul-mouth and bad tempered. This is well-known by everyone in the office, including K. However, A never meant to be malicious in what she says. Its her character and just the way she is. K, on the other hand, is another weirdo. She tends say things that are rather unpleasant, even sacarstic, and she truly meant is as a joke and not an insult. Again, everyone in the office knew it. Some of the things she said to our colleagues makes me goes WTF?! She will always ensure that person it is a joke, but then the damage is already done...

So if you ask me how I feel? Well, A is wrong for being so "direct" in her reply to K. And to be true, she did sound rude. K should have known that is just A being her usual self and ignore it. But her utimate mistake was to bad-mouth A, in front of A. She should have known that A will be able to hear her tele-conversation with C. Man, A is like just sitting beside K, dammit! That is like so un-tactical lah! That is soooo inviting for trouble... faintz!

The whole incident is just plain silly and childish. And to think they are two of our most seniors colleagues, in terms of age. Just goes to shows how the silly squabble one will embroil in when you don't eye to eye with each other...

Where's my Z-E-S-T?

2007-04-06T11:18:00.000+08:00

Feeling a bit weird these days... I seems to lost the zest in my life...

Work is no longer a challenge. It has been harder to find joy in work, with Dear being the unfortunate one who has to always hear me complaining about this job, that job, this colleague, that colleague. It has made me look like I'm a unhappy and sour person, complaining all the time. Should I change job? But I hate this change-a-job-within-year look in my resume...

I'm also starting to miss my friends... The small gatherings we used to have so often is getting more and more sporadic. It's not because I'm in a relationship (Dear, I know you'll start blaming yourself again, so let me emphasis, its NOT your fault). At least its not entirely because of that which stop me from me going out with my friends. But, besides Sis, my friends doesn't seem to be asking me out anymore... I wonder if its because of the things I did, or did not do. Maybe I should be more pro-active...

Keeping the relationship going, family, friends, love and colleagues all included, is not an easy task. And I still have not mention gakkai committments, or rather the guilt that I'm still not doing enough and letting members, comarades (if they still consider me as one) and leaders alike, down. Of course there's my studies too... All these have wore me down quite a lot. I think I'm really starting to feel negative stress. Stress is never far from our lives, but I have, more often than not, being able to turn these stress into something positive and drives me on. Think I lost that now... Looking for a break from all these and go away for a while, but I cannot seem to be able to break away from my committments and just fly off to places that I wish to go... I want to re-visit Austria again, the country whoes rich culture I fallen in love with when I last visited Vienna. I want to go to a beach resort, to feel the sea breeze and the soothing sounds of waves. I want to go back-pack to a SEA country (Singapore, Malaysia, Brunei, Indonesia and Thailand excluded) and experience their lifestyles. I want to go Australia to visit my friends... So many I-want, yet none of them is I-can, because of the so many you-need-to-do-this that I have...

See... I'm complaining again... Grrr...

Medical Report - LSC

2007-04-05T00:37:00.000+08:00

I'm sure most of you have already received the update of my medical report. For those friends whom I've failed to inform, the medical report shows that the growth is non-cancerous. According to the report, the growth is apparently called Lichen Simplex Chronicus (LSC)... What the hell is that?? If you have this reaction, well, you're not alone. I was just as clueless. When I googled it (http://dermatology.about.com/cs/eczemadermatitis/a/lsc.htm) , I'm kind of skeptical if my medical report is accurate.

Firstly, LSC is a symptom rather than a disease, whereby "skin eruption is created by habitually scratching a certain area over a long period of time" It supposedly cause itchiness, which i don't remember ever experiencing any itch on the growth before. In fact, I don't scratch it but instead attempt to remove it by cutting it away using a clipper, which of course failed miserably. Attempts to remove the growth DIY is out of my own vanity more than itchiness =P The examples of LSC rashes shown in the website is totally different from the growth that I had. (Mine isn't that scary...) I got LSC??? You must be kidding... Anyway, who cares? As long its not cancerous, I'm fine with it. My derma doc did say, however, that there is still a possibility that the growth may come back again. He said that's the nature of LSC. Well, if it isn't LSC (well as least it doesn't look or sound like one), then it may not grow back. Haha!! Sounds like it may be a blessing if the report is wrong... =P

Blogging At Dear's Home

2007-03-30T01:18:00.000+08:00

I'm now blogging at my Dear's home =) Decided to accompany her to study for her test tomorrow... Actually, now I'm not too sure if that was a wise decision... It seems that my presence actually distracts her more than helping her. Well, at least now she has finally began her revision and she said me being around helps to keep her awake... =P

Just "came back" from a gathering with some of my closest friends. A gathering meant for celebrating Limin's and Ben's birthday. Limin, Happy Belated Birthday!! May you gain the wisdom of effective communication... Hahaha!! Ben, Happy Birthday in Advanced!! I wish (and pray) that you will achieve all the immediate goals you set for yourself, through determination to persevere and wisdom to succeed.

We first went to Essential Brews at Holland Village to have our dinner. Not too bad a place and the food is quite decent. Based on the food that we've ordered, my personal preference would have to be my Rosti Stacked Beef and Limin's Cajun Dory. Ben's Seafood Galore looks good, but due to my wound, I have to give it a miss. My guess is its pretty yummy too. Now let me see if I can recall what other stuff we've ordered... Red ordered Honey Mustard Chicken plus Lingerin Angel; Julius ordered Smoked Salmon Pasta plus (i forgot.... =P); Wilson ordered Fish and Chips plus Dance of Tea (I think); Ben ordered the same drink as Wilson; Hui Hsien ordered Jasmine Caper Salmon plus Lingerin Angel; Limin ordered Summer Peach for drink and lastly, my drink was T-Jaz. Had a nice meal before we head to TCC for another round of drink and chit-chat session. Then we had the customary birthday song, cake cutting + eating, photo taking... Simple stuff really, but I enjoyed it because of the people I'm with. If only the rest of our close friends were present, but I guess it will be tough with everyone having their own obligations and schedules. How I wish we can have a gathering where everyone is present... That will be so cool =P

Back By Popular Demand!!

2007-03-25T20:12:00.000+08:00

This is a back-by-popular-demand-blog!! Haha!! Have not being blogging for months, and to be true, I've almost gave up blogging. It all started when my PC crashed. At that time, it took me weeks of fruitless repairing when I finally gave up and realised its time to let my poor PC go after 4 years of services. Soon after, assignments came and then exams... Things just seems to be piling up and suddenly i find myself chasing after time... I started to give myself the same few old excuses like, "there's no time" or "I'm too tired" or "there's nothing interesting to blog anyway", to not blog. This drags on until friends started to ask me when am I going to start blogging again. That's when I have an idea of creating a new blog. Took me months but the result is just not satisfying. So here I am, blogging again on this old but trusty old blog!! :) Hopefully this will start my blogging engine running again...

Maybe some updates...
1) I'm still happily attached :P My dear and I have already gone through quite a bit together and I'm fortunate to say, all that has makes us stronger. We are still learning about each other, our habits, our tendencies etc, and although there are times we have to learn it the hard way, we have managed. To quote a phrase from 孙燕姿's song 我怀念的: "我怀念的是争吵以后, 还是想要爱你的冲动"... The only difference is that I don't need to 怀念, because I now 拥有... :)

2) Work is still the same, except more responsibilities = more learning opportunities. But somehow, don't think I'll stay for too long... Colleagues are great, but I've already learnt that sometimes good working relationship, rather sadly, is not enough. It still needs to be supplement by dough...

3) I'm really satisfied with my exams result last semester. Got credit for both my modules. Quite an accomplishment and pleasant surprise when considering my assignments were close to being a disaster... My prayer was answered, especially for my Human Resource Management module. I know some will not believe, but ALL the questions that appear in the examination, I've attempt them as part of my revision for the exam!! If only I did better for my assignments... Guess one cannot be greedy!! Haha!!

4) Just had an surgery on both my knees to remove growth for excisional biopsy. Recovering well... Although the doc said the worst scenario is the growth being cancerous, but seriously, I'm optimistic that it is anything but. So my dear friends, no worries and many thanks to the concern and blessing that was extended to me. The biopsy report will be out on 4th Apr. Will update all at this blog again :)

Nov update

2006-11-17T15:50:00.000+08:00

Exams was over last Monday!! Wasn't satisfied with my efforts but I think I've learnt how to let go and think ahead to the future than dwell on spilled milk... It just gonna make me a sour person... :)

While I've finished my exam struggles, most of my mates are beginning theirs... The start of NTUSD's tradition of exam daimoku is the best indication that exam is round the corner!! Like to wish them all the best in their coming exams and create victory through overcoming all obstacales they may faced during this difficult period!!

Work has been great and despite the occasional spurts of hectic periods (which is expected in any work), I can say I'm beginning to enjoy my stay here. There is more freedom and trust in my work shown by my bosses and there is every chance that my stay at my current employment will extend beyond its contractual period.

Not long ago, I received a rather shocking news about a very close friend of mine. Althought I was calm and indifference about it when I first heard the news, but after a while when I finally began to felt the impact of the news on me. I was a bit confused as to how react and trying my best to struck an balance in my mind. Fortunately, I have more or less settled down my thoughts and emotion and can truthfully say that I'm able to take the news in my stride.

Actually, I really hate it when I only have the time and opportunity to only update this blog once a month... How I wish this situation can change soon...

给你的话

2006-10-19T08:01:00.000+08:00

每一次的再见，
我们都会如此的不舍。
每一次的见面，
时间总是如此的短暂。
我们都会常问自己吧：
我们是如此忙碌的都市人，
不知何时才能停下匆忙的脚步，
去关心与照顾身边疼惜的人？
为何我们不能够放下所有的一切，
随心所欲地做我们想做地事呢？

其实那都是我们软弱的一面
软弱，
因为我们想要逃避自己在这世上的
责任与使命。
别再想着避开与逃避了！
我们现在的努力与牺牲
是值得的。
因为那是在为了我们更
美好的将来铺路。

每一次的相聚都是如此
匆忙与短暂。
但也因为如此
我们才懂得珍惜彼此在一起的时间。
那是一种考验，
但我一点也不胆怯。
有你在我身边互相扶持，
我又何惧之有呢？

One month update

2006-10-07T10:15:00.000+08:00

Almost a month since I last updated my blog... :( I guess this will be the trend for now, at least till my exams are over... Yesterday was mid-autumn day, but gosh, I'm sure it is the most haziest day since the choking haze sets in around 2 weeks ago... More on that later.

Firstly, I like to thank a whole bunch of people for remembering my birthday, belatedly or otherwise. Thank you all so much!! Let me try and see if I can recall... :p The Phinz of course, Red, Ben, Peiyih, Jilian, Hui Hsien; then there is Wendy-J, Julius, Yong Kang, Dave, Sihui, Limin, Weizhi, Choon Fei, Edwin, Philip, Pang Yong, Lukai, Ying Ting, Evelyn, Shiwen, Lydia, Natalie, Joli, Roy, Choon Guan, Heng Liong; I have to give special thanks to Alvin and Nurul for celebrating my birthday with me!! And also a big thank you to my SD mates for the birthday gift!! I like it a lot! Of course, the most important person I need to thanks is my Dear... Dear, thanks for your gift, I love it!! But more significantly, thank you for accepting such a guy like me as your boyfriend and is always there for me when I need a listening ear, a 2nd opinion. Thank you for always (okay, most of the time as least, hehe!) being frank with me, sharing with me all your fears, insecurities, anxiety and happiness on all issues. Thank you so much, and like I've said a million times, you're the best birthday present I've ever gotten!!

Secondly, like to wish Qiu Jie all the best in his studies in York. He have since flown over to England to pursue his degree with the scholarship he has earned. There was some tearry farewell at the airport that day, but I guess most of us were strong enough to hold back our tears, with the knowledge that he will be able to take good care of himself and that he'll be coming back in 5 months time during the spring-break. It will be strange not having him around during Chinese New Year reunion next year. Besides, I'll also lose a mahjong buddy le :p!! Jia you orh, Qiu Jie!! I'm sure you'll be able to do our big family proud!!

Yesterday was mid-autumn festival as all of you have known. Dear and I arranged to watch a orchestra performance by the collaboration between New Festival Orchestra (NFO) and NTU String Orchestra (NTUSO) at the Victoria Concert Hall. (errr... just a side note: NTUSO doesn't really sound very nice when you pronounce it incorrectly, especially the SO part :P) We still manage to squeeze a bit of time out to give a little to surprise to Wendy-J at Funan before the concert starts. Happy Belated Birthday, Wendy-J!! Wish you all the best and that all the good fortune will starts to flow as you conquered the fundamental darkness in you! Haha!! Also wish that you'll be able to find a tall, good-looking-but-don't-need-too-handsome, romantic, intelligent, creative, artistic man who deserve you and knows how to pamper and take super good care of you!! :) (For your sake, I really hope that this type of person exist and have not been taken :P)
The orchestra was really good, especially the first half of the show. I was in tears (yes, believe it or not, its the absolute true) while listening to the solo piece of Schindler's List performed by Gerard Liu. The piece was so sad and touching... All in all, its are wonderful performance. Dear and I also agreed on one thing, the conductor, Adrian Tan, is so damn cool and handsome!! After the performance, Dear and I got lost trying to get to Lau Pa Sa. By then, Dear was not feeling too well le, so we decide to head back home instead. Just got a sms from her this morning, and I'm so relief that she is feeling better already. Probably the stupid PSI 1000 haze and the lack of sleep has coupled to make her to feel unwell... By the way Dear, do not need to feel gulity about not able to fully enjoy the night out yesterday. Its not you fault :)

Sick but not down

2006-09-13T20:25:00.000+08:00

For the first time in weeks, our family is finally able to sit down together for a home-cook dinner!! But it came at a price... of me falling ill that is... Haha!! 小病是福, I think I'm currently having that right now. Not only do I get to enjoy Mum's cooking with all my family members, I managed to get some rest. However, I hope I can recover soon. There's still a lot of things awaiting me. I'm still hopeful to be able to attend Ning's performance tomorrow. Work is piling and its at that time of the month where my workload will be at its heaviest. Saturday is NTUSD Instutition meeting and I'm really looking forward to that. After NTUSD meeting, I'll most likely meet up with Lydia and Nat for a little celebration. Sunday is another family outing. Monday will be meeting up with Ning, Nul and Alvin for a simple gathering dinner... So many activities, hence I really cannot afford to be ill for too long. I must recover in time!!

Sat at library

2006-09-09T16:15:00.000+08:00

Getting a bit tired from doing my assignment, so I decide to do a little blogging to relax for a while :) Winnie and I are now currently at the library doing some self-study. Was slightly surprise that she was the one who initiate to go to the library to study, seeing that she is not exactly a great fan of the library :p But I'm glad that she's doing so, since it means that she is committed to improve her studies!! Seeing her by my side, struggling so hard to concentrate and focus to understand her studies, it really pains me that there is so little I can do to help her. Besides supporting her and cheering her up when she is feeling a bit down, I'm not too great of a help at all :( I'm praying real hard that her efforts will translate into something fruitful. Dear, jia you orh!!

My dear Winnie, working real hard for her studies!

A little update

2006-09-08T01:34:00.000+08:00

Its being quite a while since I last updated my blog... And no, its not because I've a girlfriend so I slacken!! The blame have to go to my stupid brother who has been hogging the computer for the past week!!

Work has been getting tougher and tougher. But I must admit that I kind of expected it and I'm facing the challenge rather positively. Fortunately Winnie is always there for me whenever I needed someone to talk to. Ever since we're together, my life have become so much more colourful. Not that is was ever dull before!! :p It just that having that someone so dear to you whom you can share everything with is simply such a blessing!! The amazing thing is, she came into my life when I have pretty much given up much hope of enjoying such bliss!! No wonder Wendy-J once said to me that loves often hits you when you least expect it :)

Studies-wise... I'm getting back my momentum and I'm now able to fully concentrate in class, unlike the first few lessons where I will be very loss or my mind will somehow drifted somewhere. I like that feeling of being in control of my mind and be focus on what I'm doing. One good news: I've just gotten back my Macroeconomics assignment and was awarded a high distinction for that!! Yeah!!

Tomorrow will be going down to watch the rehearsal of the play which Winnie and her parents are involved in. To be honest, I'm still having butterflies in my stomach about meeing her parents for the very first time tomorrow. Hopefully I won't make a fool out of myself :p Think I'll just go and be myself... Haha!!

My birthday is coming soon but it seems that all my friends, including Winnie, are all busy on that day... :( A little bit disappointed I must admit, but then again, it seems to happen more often than not on my birthday. It always crashes with exams dates but I guess I'm getting used to it, after all these years, to not having grand birthday celebration because of that. As long friends that matters to me remembers it, I've satisfied already :)

我的天使

2006-08-31T00:14:00.000+08:00

就在那么奇妙的一刻，
突然觉得我是全世界
最最最最幸福的男人！
我命中注定的天使，
终于出现在我身边！
牵着她娇小的手，
心里充满着温馨！
看着她羞涩却又快乐的脸，
原来幸福是可以那么简单！

谢谢你让我走进你的世界。。。
我将会全心全意地，
细心酝酿这段爱情。
我也将会非常信赖地
把我的心交由你保管。
我会牢牢地牵着你的手，
陪你一起走到世界尽头。
就让时间证明我们的爱吧！
非常，非常，非常，爱你哦！:)

CommonVoice Concert

2006-08-20T02:03:00.000+08:00

CommonVoice performance tonight was great!! Those who went to their concert the last time and compare it to today's, one will be able to see a improvement in their performance!! They have all grown and mature into a cohesive group of wonderful chorale singers and I am so happy and proud of them!! Although some may argue that it is still a very small production, i.e., not able to perform at bigger stages like Victoria Concert Hall or Esplanade, but people tends to forget that CommonVoice does not have any financial help from any sponsors or even our old school, Commonwealth Secondary. CommonVoice was form by ex-students of Commonwealthian due to their love and passion for music. If you are someone who sees and listens with your heart, you will be able to feel that kind of love and passion burning in them. Being old Commonwealthian, I feel a sense of immense pride when I see them perform, puting in their heart and soul into it. They have come a long way and its still trying its best to continue to grow. Who says one needs to be perform at the big stage to be consider as good? And who dares to say that one day, CommonVoice won't be performing in the so call big stages? That day will come. I have total faith in that!!

It was also pleasing to see so many of my old friends during the concert. Juniors, seniors, classmates and even friends who are supposedly from another social circle of friends were here. Haha!! Talk about a small small world. Saw my JC classmate who is the bf of my Commonwealth school mate!! Pei Yih was there too!! Even Winnie wasn't spare from the "disease"!! She met her JC's seniors during the concert. And here come the funny part... Qiu Jie, my cousin who was one of the performer, was actually also her senior during her JC's days. She didn't realise it until she
saw Qiu Jie up close after the concert is over!! Maybe the time she spent with me has resulted in this kind of contagious coincidence being caught onto her too!! Haha!! After the concert was over, many of them has asked me to come back and joined back CommonVoice. To be truth, I'm really moved and is giving the invitation some serious consideration. I've being out of the choir circle for so long, and although my passion is still burning strong, I'm not sure if I have the time to commit. I would hate to leave them a second time due to committment reasons again...

Relax Sat

2006-08-19T10:09:00.000+08:00

Its a saturday morning as I begin this blog. Feeling really refresh and full of energy!! Its nice to feel this way for a change. For the past few weeks, (maybe even months...) I'm always busy with something and all the late nights have taken a toll on me. NDP, NTUSD O&G meeting, assignments, work, new job... everything seems to be coming fast and furiously. Although I can honestly said that I enjoyed being involved and taking part in all those activities (yes, even in doing assignments!!), there comes a time when the body need to take a rest. And today is the day!! Finally I can wake up feeling fresh after a early night sleep, and there is nothing for the rest of the day that requires me to rake my brain or put me in worry mode. Now I just need to look forward to go out with Winnie tonight and attend the choir concert by CommonVoice. Nothing like a good concert to unwind after weeks of rush and dash!!

Offical appointment as CIC

2006-08-13T01:35:00.000+08:00

Today is my official appointment as CIC in NTUSD!! It was annouced at the nationwide SD meeting held today at TBSC. Not just the announcement of the new leadership appointment among the various instiution, the meeting also marks the graduation of SD joint-chief and vice-chief and various IICs, all great, compassionate and helpful seniors leaders in SSA student divison. It was a disappointment that I do not have the opportunity to work closely with these wonderful leaders in SD, but I'm sure the way they showed us their strong determination and fighting spirit for konsen-rufu will become a guiding light for all us new and current leaders and each and every members in SD. Moreover, we all have great faith in our newly appointed senior leaders and hopefully together, we can create new milestones for SD!!

To all the graduating leaders of SD, thank you so much for your guidances in the past and we will always remember all of you as our great comardes, caring big brothers and big sisters in our quest of konsen-rufu.

To all my fellow CICs and IICs, a great path of challenges is ahead of us. But with all of your assuring shoulders to depend on, I'm sure together, we can create happiness and growth within ourselves and also spreading it to every single youthful and vibrant lives in SD!!

To all the members of NTUSD, please forgive me if I make any mistakes along the way as I trod along this new and unknown path as a CIC in NTUSD. Accepting this role is a great honour but also a frightening responsibility for me. Let's work together and inspire one another!! Let's magnifest the oneness of mentor and disciple spirit and work towards our Sensei's utimate goal of world peace and true happiness in each and every human being. Every single step means we are that one step closer to that goal, regardless how small that step may be. We must make full use of the precious and limited time we have at SD and contribute as much as possible to fulfil our mentor's dream. Rememeber, every little effort counts!!

To Red and Sihui, both of you did a wonderful job as MCs for the SD meeting!! Thank you so much for adding so much fun and joy into our lives!! 你们棒极了!!

(Sorry, today's blog entry will be a slighly longer than usual =D )

After the meeting, went over to my cousin, Qiu Jie's, 21st birthday bash. Met up with a lot of old friends and also some surprise meeting with friends whom I did not know that are accquaintances of Qiu Jie too. I also get the chance to catch up with my relatives whom, regretfully, I have not been meeting up with as much as I would have like to. There are so many people there that taking photographs became quite a hassle!! Like most 21st birthday bash for a guy, there were the usual pranks like cream-on-face and throwing the birthday boy into swimming pool!! Fun!! Haha!! I would have love to post the pictures here but its would really take a long time for me to upload it here on my blog :p

是心有灵心，
还是纯属巧合？
你与我虽隔两地，
陪伴着个自的朋友，
但却不约而同地
在不一样地地点，
享用了一样的食品。
是心有灵心，
还是纯属巧合？
我不知道，
但感觉很奇妙，很窝心。
你是否也和我有相同的感觉呢？
如果真的和我一样，
那又是心有灵心，
还是纯属巧合呢？:p

11/08/06 - 烟花

2006-08-12T01:36:00.000+08:00

缤纷响亮的烟花，
绽放在狮城的夜空。
色彩夺目，
它感动了众人的心。
在那如此美丽的夜晚，
我这醉翁之意却不在酒。
我是真的被感动了。
我的心的确是喜悦的。
但让我如此心花怒放，
有如这一晚的夜空，
不是那精彩无比的烟花表演，
而是默默陪在我身边的你。
谢谢你给了我一个难忘的回忆。
我将永远记得这一晚的烟花，
因为它记载着
属于我俩的甜蜜与感动。

School closing down??

2006-08-09T01:36:00.000+08:00

Went to school today to find out more about the knotty situation after learning that Monash University decided to discontinue their relationship with TMC and stop any enrollment as of effect from today. This could have meant that I may not be able to complete my studies in Singapore. Luckily when I went to school today, they have ensured us that it will have minimal impact on us as we still be able to complete our studies in Singapore, abeit on the progress table they will plan for us, meaning we have to clear everything in a given time frame. Probably the best possible outcome we could have hope... Now have to see if the progress table planned for me will be of any problem for me.

When I first learnt the news from Jerlin, I immediately called Lydia. Again, she is more positive than me. Always has been I guessed!! Haha!! Although she did admit that she has no mood to do assignment that day...

P.S. Was really touched when she decide to come down especially to meet me and go to school with me after learning about my situation. It meant a lot to me... And no, I'm not talking about you, Lydia!! :p

O&G meeting

2006-08-07T00:40:00.000+08:00

Today was an extremely busy and packed day for me. Although it is the enjoyable and fun kind of busy and packness!!

Leave home early for school. Was actually dreading to go to school 'cause the prof for my current module today is the same person who taught me financial modelling during my summer semester and it was a nightmare experience!! I cannot understand a single thing he was teaching then and I only managed to get a credit for the module through my own self-study, Lydia's great assistance and also lots and lots of chanting. Although I only took one module then, it was without a doubt the worst semester that I've ever endured even up to now. It was one hell of a struggle and I'm still amazed that I actually pull it through... Maybe Calvin was right when he said that I seems to be always on a fortune overflow!! Wonder what great deeds I've done in my previous life that gifted me with such good fortune in this lifetime?? Thank a million, my previous-life!!
Anyway, I think you can understand my dismay when I knew I'm gonna get this prof again. But I still went for the tutorial today, praying hard that the prof have the wisdom to teach and I have the wisdom to understand what he taught. And really surprisingly, during the tutuorial, I was finally able to grasp what he was actually teaching!! That was definitely a first and it gives me great hope for this module.

After the lesson, I rushed straight down to SYC to meet up with the rest of O&G committee memebers who were already there since 9am to prepare for the O&G meeting at 3pm later on. This was the first time that I'm involved in a cultural activity as a committee member and it was quite a refreshing experience. I kinda like the behind-the-scene work for a change. Haha!! Although I was a tad bit disappointed when I learnt that they changed our ideas (I was the game IC together with Yong Kang and Peiyih) for the game, but seeing everyone enjoying themselves during the game was a very satisfying compensation as we have achieve our goal of letting everyone enjoy themselves. Was especially touched by Wee Heng's testimonial during the O&G. Hearing how she shed tears of joy to overcome great difficulties to finally able to enshrine Gohonzon makes me so envious and happy for her. Always questioning myself, when will my turn comes...
Overall, it was a great success with 70 members and new friends coming together to celebrate the graduation of our seniors in NTU and also to welcome the NTU freshies to our NTUSD big family. (still feel a bit strange saying that as you all know I've NEVER studied in NTU before!! Haha!!) After that we had our dinner together at Pasir Panjang Food Centre opposite SYC. Unfortunately, the Soka University students wasn't able to join us for the dinner. It would have been a great opportunity to get to know them better. Maybe next time bah... :)

After dinner, together with Julius, Ben and Dave, we rushed down to Guizhen auntie's house for our Family Day planning. Its enriching to be involved in district planning, always being inspired by my district leaders' drive and passion for the organisation and our district memebers. There's still so much I need to learn, to put into practice, to become a useful person to my family, to my fellow friends and comrades, to SSA as an organisation, to the society. It makes me feel small yet at the same time, drive me to achieve more in the future...

One addition happy thing today - receive a sms reply that brings much joy to me. It has been a long, long, time since I last experience this kind of joy... :)

First day at Thomson

2006-08-03T00:36:00.000+08:00

Started my first day at work yesterday in terrible fashion. Was getting sored throat and running nose. Come noon, my body is getting weightless as it fought hard to curb the fever. At least my new colleagues has been nice and friendly to me. My new supervior, Karen, even offered me pills after knowing I'm not feeling well and luckily for me, it really helped me to pull through the day.

This is without a doubt the biggest company I've ever worked for. It brings me a kind of excitement which I have not felt for quite some time. And if the first two days of work is a good guide, I'm once again blessed with great colleagues!! (Just like what Wendy-J wished for me!!) They are all very welcoming and make sure that I'm comfortable in my new work environment. They are helpful and patient with all my questions and quries. But more importantly, I sense a easy and relaxed working culture among my colleagues. They don't get agitated over things that doesn't goes smoothly and can even joke about it!! Feel that I'm gonna enjoy my stay there.

P.S. Hey, Wendy-J, I missed your blog terribly!! It used to be a must-see for me everyday. Not being able to read it now seems kind of weird... Looking forward to you returning to blogging once again!!

One week of break

2006-07-28T10:05:00.000+08:00

Its almost towards the end of my one week break. It has been an enjoyable time. I get to enjoy meals with my mum, although sadly dad couldn't join us as he is away in Beijing at the moment for his studies. The break allows me to fully prepare for the start of my new semester and after the first few lessons, I must say that I'm happy with the lecturers that I've got this semester. Fortunately too, since this semester could be toughest semester for me yet. I got the opportunity to recharge myself as I look forward to my new employment on Tuesday. To be truth, its getting more and more nervous as the times tick away. I can still hardly believe that a MNC would hire a part-time student like me who haven't graduate. I'm not sure if the company is having blind faith or they really believe in my capabilities. I'm my own greatest critics and I will hate to disappoint my new employer. Any pressure is self-imposed although I would say its a positive type of pressure - keep me focus and and on the toe. I've learnt a few precious lessons at New Balance and I will make sure that I'll put these experiences into good use. It has also been fun to go back to New Balance and visit some of my closest colleagues. It feels strange to be going back there as a visitor rather than a staff there. But I guess I cannot change that anymore and anyway, I just can't stop myself visiting Winnie and Nurul. They are such fun people to be around with!! Incidentally, Winnie will be having her last day at work and we'll be celebrating it tonight. She'll be going back to NTU to continue her studies, which just adds on to my unusual affiliation with NTU. Haha!!

So things has been going smoothly for me these few days. After the low period I'm having a few weeks back, I guess its easy to feel good again since its probably couldn't get any worse. But I realised I become more and more like a worry-wart. I'm now actually afraid that these feel-good periods are just calms before the storm... I know that I'm just being paranoid over nothing but looking back, my situation has always been a roller-coaster ride where one high is sure to be met by one low and vice versa, so you can't really blame me being a bit negative. But then again, I not going to let it spoil my enjoyment of life at the moment.
Studies seems to be challenging and great; Ditto for my work where I'm sure I gonna find the kind of challenge I crave for; With Red and Julius back, I will be surrounded with more konsen-rufu comarades as I begin my new role as a CIC. Love?? Let's just say that I do have someone in my heart but its still in a very early stage. Nothing have been said or done yet and I will like to take it slowly and leave it to fate. Hopefully she will be the right person AT THE RIGHT TIME... :p

Last day at NB

2006-07-22T00:28:00.000+08:00

Today is the my last day at work. Everything was at per normal, work-wise and emtionally-wise, until towards the end of the day...

As I was about to finish keying in the last batch of data into the new accounting system, a sense of loss began to fill my heart. It started to hit home the reality that in a few minutes time, I will be offically denounce as a staff of New Balance (S) Pte Ltd. All the memories for this company, the late nights, the partying, the hard work, the colleagues, the lunch/dinner, the birthdays celebration... every single bit of it just came flooding into my mind. As I packed my stuff and tidied my desk for the last time, I took one long look at my deak and a huge wave of emotions just swell up in my heart. As I went to bid farewell to all my remaining collegues, I was so chocked with emtions that I could hardly speak. I only managed to hold back my tears, shake their hand and give a forced smile and a nod of my head. I wish to say Thank you to them, to say how grateful I am, but I just wasn't able to say it out. I knew that I would burst into tears if I do and my pride forbids me to cry in front of them...

As I close the door and step out of the office, I could no longer hold it any longer and just burst into tears. All the pent up frustration, the sense of loss and the emotion struggles I've endured to finally deciding to leave the company for the past one month just simply erupted. I rushed to the toilet and cried my heart out. Everytime as I tried to calm myself down, the thought of me no longer needs to come back to work will once again cause me to break down. It was minutes before I finally run out of tears...

I hope that I made the right decision to leave. Although I tried to convince myself a lot of time it is so, doubts still lingers. Carrying all the emotional baggage for the past one month is tiring me out. Although my life condition plunge, I do hope amids all these, I still made the correct decison. Even if its the wrong one, I must make sure that I have the courage and wisdom to turn it around and make the wrong to become a right.

My simple and uncomplicated desk. The place where I fought countless battles.

The sofa where me and SC often sits and have our own private little chats. I gonna miss the chats that we share. Its one of those seemingly unimportant details that actually makes a lot of differences.

The place where we have our dinner together when doing OT. Things taste better in here!! This is also the place where I first had my interview which got me into the company.

I gonna miss all of these!! But life goes on and I'll carry all these invaluables memories that I had and move towards another chapter in my life.

By the way... Happy Birthday Eunice!! I'm glad that I'm able to compose myself well enough to attend your birthday party. May all your dreams come true!!

Going Home with SC

2006-07-12T00:40:00.000+08:00

Sent SC home after our long day at work today... Wonder if this is the last time we'll be going home together as colleagues? Her last day at work will be on next Wed before she leave for her new job. My affiliation with the company will also come to an end very soon... I bet there's gossips about the coincidence of SC's and my resignations. Hah!! We don't give a damn!! Gossips about us has long been there and if we were to be bothered by that we would not have become the best of friends in the office. Anyway, based on what I saw and heard, the senior management of the company will be in for a shock when they realised in a month time that the departure of me and SC is just part of the mass exodus that is going to happen soon... In fact, I believe it all started when Joanne and Derrick left. It shocked everyone and people like me and SC are being violently jerked to reflect on our own current situation and consider our future with the company. How funny it will be when our dinner outing next week will turn out to be a gathering of a bunch of ex-New Balance workers!! I still remember Derrick asking me jokingly when he came back to the office 3 weeks after his "resignation", "When are you joining the Club?" Haha!! Never thought it will be so soon...
Going to miss SC a lot as a colleague... She has been a great friend and support throughout my stay with NB. And more importantly, she can be crazy at times which makes her a much more fun person to be around with. I'm sure we will continue to keep in contact with each other.
Going to miss Nurul and Yu Ning too... They often have to suffer from my crazy antics yet always game enough to play along. Its a great joy to be gossiping, crapping, critising and joking with them. They make my sometimes stressful / boring days in NB much more colourful and enjoyable.
Going to miss Jimmy... One of the most hardworking temp staff I've ever seen. Also the only person in the company who somehow will wear the same shirt as me to work at least once a week!! Haha!! Great minds think alike!!
Going to miss Auntie!! The longest serving employee in NB Singapore!! Close to 20 years of service!! Always comes to work with a smile on her face!! Wonder who she is?? She is none other than our cleaning lady!! I can never forget the centennaial anniversay video which we sought professionals to produce it for us where Auntie was rightfully being interviewed. (The only other who was been interviewed in the video was our two bosses - Regional Area Manager and Chief Finacial Officer) It was so FUNNY to see Auntie getting so nervous and shy during the shoot!!
Time to move on and I will bring along with me the memories I shared with these wonderful people during for the past 7 months. LOVE THEM ALL!!

I'm resigning soon

2006-07-06T03:55:00.000+08:00

Finally made the decision to leave the company... It was a tough decision to make and I was almost in tears when I come to this conclusion. I'm not just leaving a job... I'm leaving an industry I still have so much passion in; I'm leaving some really friendly colleagues (although some of them have already departed); I'm leaving behind a dream of seeing the company grow.
After a frank heart-to-heart talk with my CFO, I knew this will be the only outcome. I'm really grateful that she was upfront with me and she has been the most understanding and honest boss I ever had.
Over the months, I've grown attached to the company. But like what my CFO have said, sometime for the sake of our own future and make some tough decisions. She told me frankly that despite the pay raise, she could not give me the permanant position the I desired despite her full effort to do so. She explained the situation to be me and I can fully understand the uncompromising position she is in. Not being able to offer me a permanant position is difficult on both the company and I. My seniors will be unable to pass to me responsibilities as they will fear I may leave anytime. I'm frustrated with what I inaccurately thought as the lack of trust in me for not given me the opportunities and delegating responsiblities to me. Things that I used to be doing has all been given back to my colleagues once she was back. Suddenly, I was reduced to just like a normal data entry clerk. Projects that I put in so much efforts to make sure it work efficiently and effective is suddenly not within my control nor command. It was a real sickening blow to me and yet after learning the company stance and sitution, I really could not blame them making such decisions... I need to feel challenged at work and that is something I am no longer getting. Actually I kinda knew I would come to this conclusion when I feel no joy in my pay raise. I was no longer motivated to come for work. Gone was the days when I was doing OT willingly to finished incomplete tasks. Now I just wish to be able to leave the office on time... I admit that the departure of so many of colleagues whom I considered friends has made my decision to leave easier, but it is definitely not the defining factor. I've reached a stage in life where I need stability in my career and I know fully well now that I won't be getting it here. Its time to move on.
Ironically, I was contemplating in my last blog entry about leaving Singapore. This might be a sign that maybe its a right option to take up...

原来无法忘怀

2006-07-05T00:12:00.000+08:00

那烦躁不乐的心情，
在我听到他与她的消息时，
再一次的涌现。
此时才发现，
原来我还没完完全全地，
把一切都忘掉。
想到他们未来的种种可能，
心里总是好不是滋味。

无法潇洒的走开；
无法大方的成全。
所有的表现都是一种掩饰。
掩饰自己嫉妒的心；
遮盖自己自卑的心；
隐藏自己挫败的心；
欺骗自己悲伤的心。

我应该如何面对？
虽然可以装作若无其事，
但这样虚伪的行为要持续多久？
或许我一开始的决定是对的。。。
虽然我讨厌逃避，
但这有可能是我唯一的解药。
离开这里，
踏上离乡的旅程。。。

Reservist over!!

2006-07-01T21:12:00.000+08:00

My reservist is over!! Still feeling the tiredness from the unexpected exertion I've to go through for this so-called "low key" in-camp training (ICT). This ICT wasn't as great as I hope it will be... Firstly, as expected, I did a marksman standard of shooting during the range. But the disappointing thing is I didn't get the monetary reward as the stupid army has changed the award system whereby everyone in the same detail must get a minimum of 80% of shots to get marksman. Well, as it turn out, my detail did great in the day-shoot but came night-shoot, one of them have weapon problem and did not get to expend 14 rounds out of the 20 rounds issued... In the end the whole detail only managed 78%, which was so frustrating as we are so damn close. Personally, I only missed 4 shots for the whole day, and it came about during the night-shoot when I was slow in loading my 2nd magazine and have to retain 4 rounds. So basically, whenever I shoot, I hit. That was actully one of my best shootings percentage and yet with this kind of performance and I still wasn't awarded marksmanship was so grrrrr!! Really find the army's new standard of awarding marksmanship puzzling. For crying out loud, its marksMANship, not marksGROUPship!! Why must I be penalised for others' bad shooting in which I've totally no control of? It isn't as if I can help the others in shooting down their targets...

Secondly, I was posted to another company (again!!) which I know basically no one. I tried to communicate and attempt to blend in with my new mates with no avail. They wasn't nasty but somehow they didn't really warm up to me either. They prefer to gamble late into the night while I prefer to sleep. They speak with each other in hokkien while I speak to them basically in chinese. They prefer to do their things at their own slow pace while I prefer to do things quick so as to rest early... Somehow we just don't click and it was really a unpleasant experience.

Luckily things starts off quite well. Managed to meet up with my old BMT mates. Boon Hong, Jeong Soon, Teng was in the reservist unit with me, while Heng Liong, Weibin and Choon Guan was also in the camp as they are serving out their remaining service due to disruption. So on the first day, we had supper together and as usual, we update each other of our current lives and also recall those memorable and funny days during BMT!! It was heart-warming to see so many of my comarades together, people who have fight alongside me, people who being through the tough and the happy times together with me, people who experienced the same things as I, people who nods knowingly when I recalled and talked about past happenings. It was in sharp contrast with my new mates in reservist. Like what Jeong Soon said, its amazing that 5 years has since passed when it feels like just yesterday. All of us are entering different pharse in life. Jeong Soon has become a father, Boon Hong is now a boss, Teng is now working and Weibin, Heng Liong has graduated and will be going into the workforce once they ORD, Choon Guan still have another year before graduation and of course I'm now working and studying at the same time. Although we have less get-together as in the past, but the special friendship and camadrie spirit we share never diminish and its something we all treasured. A friendship that can withstand the trial of times are true friendship and I'm sure that is what we have here.

Being away for one week (five days actually) and of course things have changed.
Joanne and Alvin offically became my ex-colleagues.
SC has her job request turned down.
Wendy-J is down with flu and also experience a lost of a dear one.
I was offered the CIC role, together with Ben, YK and others. Undecided yet.
Nat has failed her sub-paper and have to re-take her module.
Lydia is having a bit of family problem.
YMD formation day's training is still a mess (the only thing unchanged!!).
Granny have went to see a doc and found out there's a growth in her stomach. Further test is needed and I'm praying really hard that the ressult won't be anything bad... Please chant for my granny, my friends, if you can.

So many things I need to address and so many friends and loved ones I need to worry about. But I guessed its actually a blessing. I'm sure its miles better than I've no friends and loved one for me to worry, and life stagnant to a stage where I've nothing to address. I've finally learnt to to see things in a different perspective...

Reservist

2006-06-26T02:37:00.000+08:00

Will be away on reservist for a week. Actually, it couldn't have come at a better time. Since its just gonna be a range shoot, it should be a rather less taxing. Meaning, I'm finally free of any responsibilities from work, study and religious committment for once. Moreover it gonna be range!! Haha!! I gonna use that opportunity to vent all my frustration and unhappiness on those stupid target board, and also a chance to earn a few hundreds bucks along the way!! I'll be able meet for army mates whom I've not been contacting for ages... Although I do not wish to go back to my army days, those times shares with my army kakis sure is memorable. I sure it will be fun to do some catching up of old times with them. I will take this reservist as a mind calming moments before facing my expected struggles ahead. I will have some big decisions to make once my one week reservist is over. And these decisions could potentially change the whole aspect of my life ahead. Yes, they are that serious. Actually I would have love to hear some advices or even comments from a particular person. But I wonder if that person will be free to hear me out...

Disappointing....

2006-06-23T02:34:00.000+08:00

Exams are over... Not feeling too pleased with my last paper. In fact, I'm so disappointed with my attempts on that last paper that I feel like bashing my head on the wall. I seriously doubt I'll get the result I want... All the efforts I've put in, all the distinctions I got for my assignments, is all gonna go to waste. More importantly, my honors dreams will be tattered... Damn!! I hate myself!! Why can't I squeeze more info into my head? Why must I fall sick and vomit just hours before the stupid exam?!?! I feel like a piece of crap... It will take a miracle to just even score a credit. I feel like shouting and grumbling and just simply show a fuc*ed face to someone, but there's no one who I can do that to without them feeling as crap as me or simply want to whack me senseless!! Damn this bloody stupid world!! When I need to vent out all my frustration, the only person I can turn to is that idiot in my mirror and this stupid blog of mine whom no one even bother to read and comment!! Even then, I still have to act happy, as if nothing has happen and everything is fine and dainty. So tiring... Why am I always the one giving, and not receiving?? Unless you're talking about duties, criticism, sarcastic remarks, insensitive friends... Well, that I received a lot, thank you very much!!

Busy? Cheers!!

2006-06-15T00:59:00.000+08:00

I realised a trend today... Every time when I'm feeling down, for some inexplicable intervention, I will suddenly get very busy at work. Not that I'm complaining. In fact, I'm glad it is so as it will stop me from dwelling on the negative and re-direct my focus back. Just like today. Wasn't really expecting to work late but turn out to be a super hectic day. Was actually enjoying myself while I immerse myself in work. Wondering if I'm evolving into a workaholic... But it sure is pleasing to know that a rather moody morning turns out to be a pretty enjoyable day in the end (see last blog entry). Haha!!

Anyway, after this busy period, I guess I'll need some time alone to think about certain issues which I've procastinating it all this while. I admit that every since I joined the company, my inital path have gone slightly astray and I need to start evaluate and re-think through my plans for the future... Somehow I've a feeling my decision might shock some people close to me...

Discounted

2006-06-14T00:04:00.000+08:00

默默的等待，
等待着她对别人死心，
等待她看见自己对她的好。
那是一种痴情的表现，
还是一个呆子的执著？
那是耐心还是胆怯？
无所谓！
因为我已不想再等下去了。。。
专情在相爱时是一个优点。
但在寻爱时却是一个致命伤。
把精神都放在一个人身上，
往往会忽略到身边的好，
让更值得自己去追求与珍惜的人，
擦身而过。
总是喜欢上不该喜欢的人；
值得去爱的人却又偏偏在错的时候出现。。。
那是上天对我开的玩笑吗？
我的生命中的那个女神，
还需我要遇到多少的假想情人了，
真正的她才会出现在我面前呢？

好累

2006-06-07T22:57:00.000+08:00

以往一起奋战的同志，
都一个接着一个离开。
面对四面楚歌，
我该如何应付？
好累。真得好累。。。
渐渐失去了那股冲劲。
一起携手建立新势力的梦想与目标，
为何现在看起来是如此的
遥远，可笑？
孤身作战是一种煎熬。
没有了战友的扶持，
我还能奋战下去吗？
奋战下去还有意义吗？
我完全找不到一个答案。。。
我只有仅存的疑惑与失望，
陪伴着我走下去。。。

Hours before exam

2006-06-06T10:10:00.000+08:00

In a matter of hours, I'll be on my way to the exam hall and begin my first exam paper of this semester. Still feeling rather calm but I think the butterflies will start fluttering in my stomach for the last few mintues before the examination starts. The weather at the moment isn't really good - raining and cloudy. Hopefully that won't be a reflection of my mood after the paper, although I rather welcome the cool wind on my skin after days of warmth and extreme humidity.

No matter what happen today, I will definitely go for a short celebration to unwind for a while. Fortunately for me, I'm allowed this luxury since my next paper is still two weeks away. Unlike the past, I've received so much less wish-you-all-the-best and encouragement sms from friends for this exam. Disappointed? Just a little. Need to be positive though. I'll just take it as all my friends have full confidence on me and feel that I need no luck nor encouragement!! Haha!! Very Ah-Q right? Actually, if I wasn't so, I would have long die of disappointment... Many thanks to Audrey and Fuyuan for your encouragment and blessing for my exam today. Many thanks to so many of the SSA comrades who have prayed for my success. I'll definitely do my very best and emerge victorious, as I've no wish to disappoint anyone in my life... And more importantly, with SD concert coming up, this will be the best opportunity to show actual proof to all the new friends who will be there!!

Thoughts on vows and a note to Wendy-J

2006-06-05T09:09:00.000+08:00

Yesterday during the study meeting held at Farrand's place, we had a open discussion on the topic of vows. We all have our own opinions but basically we have more or less the same conclusion. We all agreed that vow is a much serious and in-depth as compared to a promise or agreement. Hence we should not make a vow lightly when we are not prepared to fulfill the vow or be easily defeated when facing difficulties in the path of achieving the vow. I like what Mark said during the meeting: "Once we made a vow, we are aligning our life towards the vow. " How true!! When a vow is made in front of the Gohonzon, one is bound to make changes and adjustments to his or her life as he or she strive towards achieving the vow. How ready are we when we made the vow? I believe it should never be a moment of impulse. (I know now is GSS, but pleaseeeeeeeeee!!! do not engaged in impulse vow-making. Vow IS NOT FOR SALE!!!)

Which got me thinking of another type of vow which we are all familiar with - the marriage vow. Seriously, it shudders me to think that we can even call it a "vow" in the today's context and trend. We've seen in statistical reports that divorce rate is always on the rise in our own little island and Hollywood is the pinnacle in making an mockery out of marriage "vow". Maybe we should call it marriage promise. Although with the increased popularity of signing pre-nuptial contacts and agreements, marriage has become more and more business-like to be called a promise either... I'm not going to go into the debate of which gender is the main culprit of all these. (Men: The wife is unrealistic, demanding and over-sensitive. Wife: Men are just a bunch of lazy, non-creative and insensitive pig!!!!) But since its a vow, shouldn't it be taken more seriously and that both parties should work towards the goal of "till death do us part" (although this has also been interpreted in a more sinister context lately...) I just have the feeling that marriage has turned into a game and people are choosing the easy way out in divorcing. Of course, there are cases where divorce IS the ONLY way out, but that should be the exceptional and not the norm, which we are seeing nowadays...

A small note to Wendy-J: I'm really, really glad to see you becoming truly happy and gaining your confidence back. You look fabulous yesterday and I didn't say it just to 敷衍你. I sincerely meant it and I don't normally give praise on looks easily. Just like what you have said in your blog: 真正快乐时的自己最美。

因为你的快乐，我才能看到你的美。
请你继续快乐下去吧。
请你继续美丽下去吧。
让乐观去点缀你的心，
让信心去衬托你的美。
就象那坚强的花苗，
慢慢的绽放，
它应有的灿烂与风采。

P.S. Just be careful where you position your bags-in-hand!! HAHAHA!!!

如果你真得走了

2006-06-04T02:59:00.000+08:00

如果你真得走了，
我留下来还有什么意义？
这问题的答案，
我将继续寻找。。。

A little update

2006-06-01T22:33:00.000+08:00

Feeling extremely at ease despite exams is just days away... Wonder why is this so?? I hope it isn't a case of false confidence. That will be last thing I want. But I'm really not feeling a single bit of anxious-ness, which is weird and so unlike me. In the past, no matter how good or well-prepared I am, the uneasy and "gan jiong" feeling will set in within weeks before the exam. I always felt that that is a good reaction as it keep me on the toe and I will make sure that I make extra effort to be even more prepared for the exam. Therefore, my "confidence" this time round isn't exactly a good sign... Probably I'm too tired to feel anxious. Haha!!

By the way, for those who have been close to me would have known that I've been considering for the past few weeks whether to stay or leave my current job. After some discussion with friends whom opinions I've deep respect for and also some serious weighing of the pros and cons, I've finally decided to stay on. I expect the contract to be signed next week, after some loose ends have been settled. For those who have given me support and advices during all this while, a million thanks to you!! I believe I've made the right decision and that the Gohonzon will guide me along the way. The only sad thing is, my friend cum most-get-along-colleague, SC, may be leaving the company soon. I'll be losing a wonderful comrade and gossip kaki at work... But I'll be giving her my whole-hearted blessing if she really does leave. She really deserve better and its something that the company could not give nor promise her at the moment. Selfishly, I would want her to stay, but I guess that will make me a lousy friend and unfair to the one and only person who has always stand by me during my struggles at work...

Sometime in life, we win some, we lose some. The most important thing is to be strong in the midst of all these changes and continue to fight with a positive mindset. Always remember to smile and laugh away your struggles - this is something I constantly remind myself with, although its something that is not easy to achieve. Therefore, if you would to see me in low spirit, please give me a pat on the back and remind me to smile!! :)

给你的一个答案

2006-05-30T01:24:00.000+08:00

你问我，
喜欢上了一个你不该爱的人，
应该怎么办？
顺其自然？
但又害怕越陷越深。
给彼此一个机会？
以往的教训却历历在目。
剪不断，理还乱。
这个道理你比谁都还要清楚。
情不自禁的心又该如何控制？
要是爱能够理智的处理，
当初所经历过的悲伤与痛苦，
就不会发生了，不是吗？
但是，就是因为经历过了这些悲伤与痛苦，
你的感情世界才变得丰富。
爱往往都是凭着一种感觉。
我只能说：相信知己的感觉吧！
如果认为那是一个绝对不能踏进的领域，
那你就必需狠狠地斩断情丝。
但如果情况并非如此，
为何不放胆敢敢得爱一场？
最坏的结局也不就是分手。
反正都伤过，痛过，
何以为惧？

Try it out

2006-05-30T00:31:00.000+08:00

You are Ready to Date Again

If you're not out there already, you should be.
Your ex is long gone from your heart, and you are ready for another relationship.
Any girl you meet gets a clean slate - and no emotional baggage.
Congratulations, you've gotten completely over her.
Now, on to a better girl :-)

It's time for you to start dating!
Post your photo and profile on a bunch of personals sites.
Before long, you won't have any more lonely Saturday nights.

Are You Ready To Date Again?

Actually I'm not too sure if this is accurate... The questions are made more for the ladies than for guys. But what the heck?? See that!! I'm READY TO DATE!! C'mon all the single and available gals out there!! I'm ready to rock your world!! HAHA!! (Feel so crappy!! :p)

Your Ideal Hairstyle:

Subtle Layers

What Hairstyle Is Right For You?

I had this hair-style some year back... Look dreamy in this hair-style but not really suitable for me since I've reservist every year which mean I've to cut it after one painstaking year of growing and grooming the hair to this length...

You Are Cyclops

Dedicated and responsible, you will always remain loyal to your cause.
You are a commanding leader - after all, you can kill someone just by looking at them.

Power: force beams from your eyes

Which of the X-Men Are You?

Great... I'm a X-men character which I'm not too fond of... Does that mean that I actually dislike myself?? However, I think the comment is pretty accurate though...

You Are 47% Addicted to Love

Might as well face it, you're addicted to love.
You've been a fool for love many times - but are you the wiser for it?
Your needs should come first, both in and out of relationships.
Because you're the only one who can look out for yourself!

Are You Addicted to Love?

Hmm... Really don't know how to react to this result.

You Have a Phlegmatic Temperament

Mild mannered and laid back, you take life at a slow pace.
You are very consistent - both in emotions and actions.
You tend to absorb set backs easily. You are cool and collected.

It is difficult to offend you. You can remain composed and unemotional.
You are a great friend and lover. You don't demand much of others.
While you are quiet, you have a subtle wit that your friends know well.

At your worst, you are lazy and unwilling to work at anything.
You often get stuck in a rut, without aspirations or dreams.
You can get too dependent on others, setting yourself up for abandonment.

What Temperment Are You?

Pretty accurate!! Although the part about me being unemotional is only true when I faced with people whom I don't give a damn about.

Your Career Type: Artistic

You are expressive, original, and independent.
Your talents lie in your artistic abilities: creative writing, drama, crafts, music, or art.

You would make an excellent:

Actor - Art Teacher - Book Editor
Clothes Designer - Comedian - Composer
Dancer - DJ - Graphic Designer
Illustrator - Musician - Sculptor

The worst career options for your are conventional careers, like bank teller or secretary.

What's Your Ideal Career?

I almost laugh my head off with this result!! I like stage performances, that I don't deny. But make a career out of it is just pure fantasy...

Accusation = Opportunity

2006-05-24T02:50:00.000+08:00

Being accused today at work for something I have never done...again!! She has always choosen the "reprimand-before-hearing-explanation" mentality against me.I used to feel extremely fustrated and irritated about her behaviour and attitude towards me. However, I have since dug deep and try to find a reason and better understanding of the whole situation. Daishonin Buddhism has taught me that everything in life is a balance of cause and effect. So I begin to ask myself: What have I done to be suffering this unreasonable behaviour from my so-called supervisor? After calmly thinking through, I realised its actually a erdicating of my bad karma because I'm guilty of at times treating my brother the same way my "supervisor" treats me. Understanding that, instead of anger and fustration, I actually feel comfort that the incident has given me the chance to take a better look at myself and my faults and a opportunity to change myself to be a better person and brother. So in a funny sort of way, I should be grateful that she has been unreasonable towards me, although I sincerely hope this will change soon in the near future.
I love NDB!!

A question I've no answer for.

2006-05-22T21:18:00.000+08:00

Pondering a question a friend ask me a few day back...
"Are you truly ready to commit yourself to a new relationship?"
I stumbled on this question and never really gave my friend an direct answer.
I guess I'll never know until I meet a "potential" one.
Anyway, I don't think the question shouldn't be if I'm ready to commit.
Instead its more of if I still have the courage to ask.
To tell the girl honestly how I feel about her.
Rejection is something that is getting harder and harder to swallow,
as one grows older and older.
Not that I'll get upset over rejection.
Rather I'll begin to question myself if there's is something wrong with me.
I'll starts to have an inferior complex of myself.
Then it will take some time to gain back my confident,
and then whole cycle will begin again...

Love is sweet yet bitter at the same time.
When its around, you trouble over it.
When its gone, you wonder when it will be back.
Although love can be a headache,
But there is no denying all of us need it.
That's why we're human...

Happy Belated Birthday to my blog

2006-05-21T07:46:00.000+08:00

Feel so sorry for this blog of mine... Hasn't been updating it for quite some time and I just missed celebrating its one yrs old birthday on the 15 May. If this blog has a life, it would have been real angry at me, I guessed...

So pre-occupied with other things, I can no longer find time to properly maintain this blog of mine. Weekdays are spent working OT or having night classes. Weekends are used to involve myself in NTUSD activities and also preparing for my exams. Add on to helping my couple of friends facing difficulties and my stupid brother hogging the computer all the times doesn't help the matter either. Now I can fully understand one of the entries in Wendy-J's blog. She said that it will become harder to update her blog when she starts working. Although I've started working long ago, the crunch time is only until recently. Juggling work and study has taken its toil on me. I feel really, really tired everyday. Already for a couple of times, I would fall asleep on bus or MRT and missed my stop. When I got home, I could hardly focus my eyes on the moniter or TV screen as they are so tired after abusing them the whole day at work. I'm not complaining. Rather, I'm more worried how am I going to cope when next semester starts. After discussing with my bosses at work, I knew for sure for workload is gonna increased in the next feel coming months, provided I'm still willing to stay at the company (actually I have serious thoughts of quitting and look for new pastures for the past 2 weeks or so. However, that another story for another day...). Besides my increased workload, I'll be taking more modules next semester than the current one. If this past couple of months is an indicator, I shudder to think how am I going to juggle so many things at one go?? I'll probably need help and guidance from the Gohonzon more than ever...

I wonder if its the effect of tiredness, but lately, I started to feel kinda lonely. I know it doesn't make sense, since I'm so involved in gakkai activites and helping out my friends all this while. However, there are times, when I'm having lunch or walking my way back to home, I can't help but feel lonely. Probably lonely in the sense that I cannot find someone who I can comfortably pour my own problems and fustrations out to, without having to consider what to tell or not to tell that person. Single-o-sydnrome? Maybe. I don't really know. Cos sometimes I do enjoy the kind of freedom a single entitles. Maybe that is the price one has to pay... Haha...:(

轻风吹走路上的落叶，
推动了那巨大的帆船。
但它却吹不走我的烦恼，
推动不了我疲惫的身躯。

有谁愿意听我诉说，
我的辛酸，我的争扎？
有谁能真心与我分享，
我的喜悦，我的胜利。

当遇到了快乐与悲伤，
能够一起分享与承担，
除了自己还是自己时，
快乐失去了光芒，
悲伤也变得无聊。

For two important friend

2006-05-08T23:33:00.000+08:00

When things are not going well,
When I need some encouragement.
When I need a second opinion,
When I need someone to knock some sense into my head,
Fortunately, you are always there for me.
You will cheer me up with your nonsensical action.
You will show me a different side of the stories.
You will reprimand me when I go into self-deprecating mood.
Thank you very much for being there for me.
And thank you for the lip balm!!

When work becomes tougher,
When colleagues becomes harder to fanthom,
You become a breath of fresh air for me.
When I'm down and unhappy,
You're the only in office who noticed it.
And show geniune concern about me.
I appreciate that deeply.
Thank you for trusting me and confide your problem with me.
Thank you for being a caring friend who's there for me.
I do not know what I'll gain from current work,
But I know I've definitely gain a great friend!!

Think and think some more!!

2006-04-30T01:32:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was a day, due to certain incidents, result in my heart to stir and evoke me to think...

Incident 1.
Natalie was having her last day at the company as her internship with us is over and she'll be back to school thereafter. It has been a pleasure working with her. Despite the occassional mistakes here and there (which happens to everyone anyway), she has always been a serious worker and a joyful colleague and friend to have around. Her smile and sometimes sacarstic remarks will be missed. Concidentally, on Tuesday (Monday is a public holiday), Tricia will be back from her maternal leave. One is gone and another come in... I think that's the way life is. People around us always comes and goes and the only constant is changes. I knew that one must always be prepare for the changes that may occur, but I still don't like that...

Incident 2.
Had a chance meeting with a primary school classmate, just outside our company's retail store. Hasn't seen him ever since the last time we visited our primary school teachers after we have graduated. Was really surprised to see him. Not so much of the timing but rather the differences between what I precived how he will be and how he is now. He was the popular guy in our school then. His acadamic result was pretty good, had a glib of tongue, and was quite a handsome chap (Still is actually) and among us guys, he was always the "Big Brother". During our last meeting (I remembered we're sec 2 then), he came dressed in coroprate wear, telling us that he is doing part-time marketing at his uncle's company. He seems to me to be always one step ahead of all of us (well, ahead of me at least) and give me the impression that he has "jian4 guo4 shi4 mian4". I always believe that when we do meet up again, like yesterday, he will be standing in front of me, smartly dress and giving me his name card indicating he is a excutive of some big company. However when we met yesterday, our roles seems to be reversed. From our conversation, I learnt that he didn't manage to get into any university and is now a blue collar worker. Please don't get me wrong. I don't look down on him. But it just kinda hit me that how different one's life will turn out to be from another despite both once tread on the same path. He was "supposed" to be the successful businessman we all believe he will be while I'm destined to be the struggling all my life... I realise how crucial each and every decision we made in our life will change the path of our future. My friend must have deviate his " destined" path somewhere along the line... I challeged my "fate" and deviate from my "destined" path too. The only difference is I've deviated to a brighter and better path while my friend wasn't as fortunate. But this has shown that we ourselves are the creator of our our own destiny. Who dare says that the when the next time me and friend meet again, he won't be the successful man as we have all thought we would be? It also teaches me that I must never be complacent and take the things I've worked so very hard for for granted...

Incident 3.
Was having dinner-cum-supper with Lydia while we waited for Ah Loy to knock off from work and fetch her home. As like always, our conversation will somehow somewhat being directed and focus on my love life, or rather lack of it. Lydia is always more worried than I am about my luckless run in love. While I'll be joking about how sorry I felt for Ah Loy being "bullied" around by her, she will rebuke that I'm too negative about my own chance in love. Our conversation ALWAYS turn out that way!! Haha!! But yesterday, I gave Lydia's words a serious thought. I really did and I still couldn't find an satisafactory answer to my "problem" (Lydia always said I got problem...)
Too picky?? But why settle for less and make two lives miesrable?? I rather not have any...
Still unable to settle down?? I like my freedom but that does not necessary mean I'm not prepare to be tied down...
Unapproachable?? Don't think I am. At least no one tells me that straight in my face yet!!
Too ugly?? Well, comestic surgery is not an option for me...
Maybe Lydia's right. Maybe when I grew old and die, the only person who will make peparation to my funeral will be her!!

A week of summarised happiness

2006-04-28T02:52:00.000+08:00

It has been a pretty good one week for me. First and foremost, the problem I mentioned in my last entry has been dealt with, in a very satisfactorily but not to the point of bastardly manner. I knew some of you have been stunned by my reaction, but there also a few who aren't surprised at all. Those who have known me for a very long time (i.e. since secondary school days) would have know that since young, I always have this competitive nature in me which I hate to lose and is seldom been allowed to be treated as a push-over. (I said seldom because there are a few people in my life whom I'm willing to give in to their every crazy antics and demands...) This nature has mellowed a bit in that I'm now a much graceful loser. But I still won't allow anyone to push me around. I will speak my mind and fight my way through, especially at work. And this time round, I did just that and it turns out well for me AND my colleague. (P.S. We are just colleagues, not friends!!)

Secondly, my Sixth Uncle have finally married to Olivier. Oopps, I should now called her Sixth Auntie now!! Their story is made for the press. Sixth Aunt was a Filipino who came to Singapore and to our extended family as a maid to take care of my late grand-mother. At that time, beside my grand-mother, my Fifth, Sixth and Seventh Uncle were also staying together under the same roof. After my grand-mother past away, Sixth Aunt continued and extended her stay in Singapore. Well, during these period, Sixth Aunt and Uncle fallen in love and has since moved out of the old house and move to a new flat with my Seventh Uncle. It quite an amazing union actually. My uncle speaks pre-dominantly Chinese and Hokkien while aunt speaks only English. Uncle offer incense to Dua Be Gong while aunt pray to Jesus Christ. I believe any outsiders would be skeptical about their union. But not us in the family. We all seen it by ourselves how much they struggle to conquer their differences and overcome all the difficulties (all the ridiculous paper-work to get aunt to stay in Singapore) just to be together. There's no need for romantic drama... I've just witnessed one in real life. My blessings to them and I just can't wait to have another cousin/s to play with!! (Last count was 15, excluding myself and my brother!!)
Just a insignificant small note: I was their official cameraman for their ceremony and it was a truly great honor!! :)

On Tuesday, watch my beloved Arsenal battle to a nil-nil draw against a plucky and diving Villarreal. Although sad to see Flamini getting injured, its a joy to see Clichy back in action and having a decent game on his first match after his injury, in a Champions League semi-final no less!! Jose Mari theatrical fall in the 88th minutes to earn Villarreal a penalty was ridculous. The fact that the refeere actually bought it was beyond explaination. Most of times, I'm not very good at differentiating between a cheat and a genuine foul at times without the aids of the slow-motions. But the play-acting by Jose Mari was so blatant and obvious that I didn't even need any slow-motion to tell me so. Luckily justice was served and it was befitting that, in my opinion, Arsenal Player of the Season, Lehmann was to be one basked in glory by saving the resulting penalty taken by Riquelme. Amazingly, Arsenal have gone 10 consective European matches without conceding with a patch-up defence and much of the credit have to go to Lehmann and Toure leadership and organisation. Champions League final, Arsenal vs Barcelona, oooooo I'm can't wait!! And Sis, you know which sides I'm rooting for!!

Then there was the JPMorgan Chase held yesterday at the Padang. Despite the drizzling, the turnout was good. Too good in fact, that I can hardly run without bumping into someone every after minute. The run was pretty short, just 5.6km. It was lotsa fun and spotting Leon (during the race) and Lydia (after the race) just simply increase the fun-o-meter. After the run, my colleagues and I ( we are not just colleagues, we are friends!!) pig it out at Glutton Place. (not too sure if I gotten the name correct but I knew its opposite Marine Square) Its a nice team building opportunity and I really enjoyed myself. Many thanks to Jiawei and Joanne for driving me and Siew Ching back home. Really love to sit at the back of the pick-up and enjoy the wind hitting against the skin! Shiok!!

And then tonight, manage to knock-off early from work (a rarity these days!!) and attend the Gosho study lecture by Mr Chan. As always, Mr Chan makes the learning easy and simple to understand. But like what Mr Chan said after the lecture, it is more important for us to read up the prescribe text "The World of Nichiren Daishonin's Writings - A Discussion on Humanistic Religion - Volume 1" and truly digest and understand what is being written on the book than just rely on the summary that Mr Chan had painstakingly and kindly given to us during lecture and mistakenly think that its easy. To be self-motivated and willing to learn and read - to cultivate the seeking spirit, is the key to true human revolution.

Evil Mudskipper

2006-04-22T00:58:00.000+08:00

I had enough!!
I shall no longer tolerate with all the shit you create!!
I shall no longer be the Mr Nice Guy.
If you think you can take advantage of my patience,
You are so damn wrong!!
If you think I'm like the rest of those greenhorns who does not retaliate,
Think again!!

I try my best to be co-operative and nice,
You took it for granted.
I try to give and take,
But you just take my goodwill and give me freaking headaches!!
I try to be PROFESSIONAL with you,
But you choose to two-face me!!

Congrats!!
You just awaken a very dark side of me.
Since you want to be an asshole,
I shall let you see how manipulative and scheming a bastard I can be!!
You turn my peaceful world into a battlefield
And give me nothing but nightmares.
Dun worry!!
You'll get your war,
And be sure I'm gonna personally make your life a burning hell!!
Since you do not know the meaning of "co-operation",
I'll have to use the hard way to make you "assist" me.
I'm gonna make sure you'll be cursing and swearing about me every single day.

You better be prepared.
'Cos I am.
Politics isn't my favourite game.
But that is due to personal preference than abilities.
You shall see...
I'll make your exposed and failed assassination on me,
Your biggest regret in your pathetic life!!

I've to give you credits though.
'Cos you've force me into a corner,
Where I'm willing to cast aside the teachings I've learnt,
To commit karmic retribution,
Just to see you suffer...

2006-04-19T01:48:00.000+08:00

You Are The Chariot

You represent a difficult battle, and a well-deserved victory.

You tend to struggle to get what you want, both internally and externally.

You excel at controlling opposing forces, getting down the same path.

In the end, you bring glory and success - using pure will to move forward.

Your fortune:

There is great conflict in your life right now, either with yourself or others.

You must find a solution to this conflict, which is likely to be a "middle road" between the two forces.

You posses the skills to triumph over these struggles, as long as your will is strong.

You are transforming your inner self, building a better foundation for future successes.

What Tarot Card Are You?

A meeting of an old friend

2006-04-17T01:21:00.000+08:00

Met her today...
She looked better than ever before.
Cheerful with a sense of humour that wasn't present before.
Seems like both of us have made the right decision.
She grew happier without me,
I grew stronger without her.
No longer a couple but friends forever...

A much needed rest

2006-04-15T20:33:00.000+08:00

Was having a much needed rest after the hectic couple of weeks... I admit I'm starting to feel slightly burnt out. Work wasn't as smooth riding as before. The most tiring moments of juggling work and studies has set in. Rushing for assignments for studies and overseeing new projects at work has driven me to a point where rest and sleep becomes a luxury... Maybe its the lack of sleep, I seems to be complaining a lot. Twice at work I almost let my tempers get the better of me. It so unlike myself. I know I used to have a bad temper, but that was in my hormone-charged teenage years. Ever since I left that period, (and that was a long time ago... Haha!!), I honestly think that I've become a mild tempered person. So to flared up at work was something quite unexpected. Stress? Maybe. But I do think its more of stress to perform to earn my next contract rather than the workload itself. I have a feeling that for the company to extend my contract is determinant on how I handle this project on hand...
For the past few days, Mum have to be the unfortunate listener, regardless if its willingly on her part, to all my whining, complaining and frustration. I'm so grateful yet guilty about that. Although I'm going through a rough patch, there are still things to be positve about. I've increased my Gongyo more than ever. I've been reading more than ever to primarily to de-stress but has since learnt a lot through all these reading. One of my senior colleague, privately tell me that she was impressed by the efficiency that I go about doing my work despite my increased workload. It was a encourging compliment and its always nice to know that people recognised and accknowledge the hard work I've put in. At the end of every day, I will sit down and reflect on what I've done right and wrong. I'll let the rights to give me stregth and encouragment to correct the wrongs. And one thing still haven't change... I'm still enjoying myself!!
Many thanks to Wendy-J for accompany me during Good Friday. I've enjoyed your company and its also thanks to you that I get to meet Miss Sensible... Haha!! And of course I've to thank Miss Sensible for lending us the umberalla!! Wendy-J, help me pass the message, ok? :P

Many thanks to all those present at NTUSD exam DMK on Good Friday. Thank you all for waiting for me to start the evening gongyo. It means a lot to me, to be able to have evening gongyo with all of you, which sadly has also become a luxury too...

Many thanks to Mum, for the patient you've for me. I love you...

泥鳅之谈

2006-04-12T03:20:00.000+08:00

烦恼减少了，
身心轻松了。
渐渐消失了，
那独自昼思夜想，
始终得不到答案的漫长日子。
我无需再为她的烦恼而烦恼，
也不需只为她的快乐才快乐。

现在的我，
是自己的主宰者。
我高兴，因为我发自内心想要高兴。
我忧愁，因为我喜欢那忧愁的凄美。
所有的情感，所有的体验，
完完全全自个控制。

我再也不希望我的世界，
就只为了一个人而旋转。
对于她的祝福仍旧出至衷心，
但她将不再是我生命的重心。
不是我薄情，
而是过于的专情，
模糊了我的视线，
使我失去了生命的焦点。

自由是一种会上瘾的药，
而我便是它的瘾者。
想要戒掉这毒瘾，
谈何容易啊！！
直到医我者的出现，
我将继续我的逍遥游。

A plead from this worried man

2006-04-10T01:06:00.000+08:00

To All NTUSD:
Exams is just around the corner (for you guys, that is :p) and the exams DMK has already started for two weeks. How I wish I could be there with all of you!! Chanting together and giving moral support for each and everyone of you, just like the last, and also my first, exam DMK with all of you. It brought back wonderful memories... It was during that period that my faith had taken roots. It was during that period that I was able to master my gongyo. It was during that period when I was able to personally witnessed actual proof...
Last Thursday, when I was finally able to attend the exam DMK, however, I was disappointed. The attendance wasn't what it used to be. I was hoping to see a room full-packed of us NTUSD members, all of us focus with the same common goals and having powerful and energetic DMK. Although the DMK we had on Thursday wasn't too bad, but to think that it was one of the better DMK session just simply doesn't sit well with me. PLEASE!! This is a personal plead to all the NTUSD members out there: do actively attend the exam DMK!! Although I know I'm not setting a good example myself due to my work committments, I have not given up hope of attending it again. As long as the opportunity araise, you can be sure that I'll be there.

To Phinz and Friends:
More than 3 months have past... Can all of you still remember the New Year resolutions that we've all made and shared with each other? I do, and its still as clear as ever to me. Despite all of us having slightly different resolutions, there are still common ones. And one of them is to better manage our time and to achieve great success in all our exams and studies, fulfilling our roles as a student. Please do remember it. This is a promise not just to among ourselves, but more importantly to oneself. This coming exam is the best opportunity to show our resolve and faith. Do not let anything distract you from achieving your goal. Let's encourage one and another throught this period of challenges. I have absolute faith in each and everyone of you and so please, do your utmost best!!

Thank you all.

2006-04-06T08:55:00.000+08:00

It has been a tough week for me... Having enjoy a sustain period of inner-happiness (as most of you would have known if you have been in close contact with me or looked closely at my past blog entries), based on either the Law of Average or the fundmental teaching of Daishonin Buddhism, depending on which suited your taste, I have to say its probably expected that I'll have to go this tough period...
My grand-uncle death wasn't easy on me. He is one of the few relatives on my maternal side that have close contacts with our family. Losing him so suddenly, despite knowing he went peacefully and that he now will definitely be in a better place, I still couldn't help myself to feel that sense of great loss and sadness.
Then there was the assignements that was due. Actually on hindside, it might not be that bad that its happening at this moment. Could hardly sleep anyway, I been using the sleepless nights to complete my due assignments. But still it wasn't easy to keep my spirit nor energy on the next day... Although some have told me I look remarkable energised at work despite the lack of sleep, I must admit I was just trying to show a brave front.
My workload has been increase significantly with the added responsibilty of overseeing the running of a new system. Maintain the old system and taking care of the new, there are times I feel like I'm fighting the battle alone although I knew I wasn't. But still, I like the challenge. Its just the timing of it, as always.
Although its been tough, there are a few friends I like to thanks who have me along throughout my "ordeal" so far. Ben, Wendy-J, Red, Yong Kang, Bi-Bu and Sis, thank you all for sending regards and concern to me. I'm truly grateful and your words have given me the warmth and energy to carry on positively.
Thank you Limin. Although you may not have realise it. My guess is you did not know of the death of my grand-uncle. When we 're chatting online that day, it was just like a normal chat that we usually share. However that simple gesture, let me feel normal again. It makes me realise that despite all the difficulties I'm facing, the world is still moving in it usual mode and I must wake up from my self-pity and continue with my life. You have help pulled me up unwittingly and that is a rare gift that you have within you.
Thank you Lydia for the great help in the assignement. Once again you have given me encouragment when I'm down and provide assistance when I most needed it. I've lost count the number of times that happened and you're simply have the knack of saying or doing things that to me when it really matters. Thank you for everything. It must be some karmic relationship we shared in our past existence that brought you and I together now. You're the perfect friend, a soul-mate even, that I can hope for and you can bet your every cents that I'll do everything to make sure it maintains that way forever.
Life is full of ups and downs. I knew that and I will continue my life positively. The down I'm feeling right now will make my ups, which is sure to come, that more sweeter and enjoyable. For those who are still worried about me, I like to use this opportunity to say, I'm already okay.

Grand-Uncle's death

2006-04-03T07:29:00.000+08:00

The death of my grand-uncle... So sudden, it came without any warning. The news of his death was brought to my attention only when I was having dinner with Wendy-J and Ben, celebrating Ben's birthday. My first reaction was shocked. Truly shocked. The news seems so unreal that I still couldn't make myself believe it. When I was on the cab on my way to the wake at Singapore Casket, all the memories that I've shared with grand-uncle just flooded back. He was a quiet and humble man, carrying himself in a dignified way. He used to come and visit Granny at our home and we never failed to share a friendly chat. He was a hardworking man, working all his life for the sake of his family. He never indulge in material pleasure like travelling or luxury stuff. To him, seeing his kids grown up to be successful in their lives and the whole family been happy is all he ever wish for. He was a fighter. He battled against nose-cancer and recovered fully from it. During that period, he never gave up of recovery. He was always positive and the only thing he ever complained was that he has lose the sense of taste due to the treatment. This is a man who slogged all his life for his family, battled through terminal dieases. However, at a time when, after overcoming all the difficulties, he should be enjoying the bliss of being with his family and playing with his grand-children, he was denied that chance. The only relief was that he go away with minimal pain. He was having his breakfast with his family before a heart attack took him away from us.
He is an elder I have great respect of. To see him laying motionless in the casket, with is face swollen to the point where I almost couldn't recognise him, the sadness finally sets in and I've to hold back my tears, to prevent making a scene at the wake. His family have decided to keep the wake simple and will only last for three days, just the way they knew, we knew, was what grand-uncle would have wanted, simple and easy. But when I went back home and told Granny about it, I can sense the disappointment in her face and voice. It was never going to be easy for her, knowing that relatives and friends could only pay their respect for her brother for only three days... Through all this sadness, Granny is the one I'm most worried about. I hope grieve doesn't hurt her too much as she is now on her way to recovery after the major surgery. I can only stand by her and share her pain at the lost of a great man, a wonderful member in our extended family....

Drunk and more

2006-04-02T00:32:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was a real crazy night for me. For the very first time in my entire life, I actually got drunk!! More on that later...
Went to Zouk for FCUK fashion show. As it was a collaboration with my company New Balance, I was entitled to the VIP ticket!! The show was pretty cool. Probably its because it isn't the usual fashion show which employs professional models. The show was paraded by people from all walks of life. There are civil servant, art director, water polo player and many others. Even one of my colleague, Dennis, was also involved!! Of course we reserved the loudest cheer for him!! The whole show was very fun and refreshing. Its nice to see common people like them parading the show, whom we can feel more engaging with, than compared to the models whom clothes looks good on them but somehow never on us...
When the show was over, me and a few of my colleagues stayed behind. During the show, volka drinks was free-flow. And as a volka-lover, it was great news for me and of course I simply couldn't stop drinking!! Haha!! But all the volka wasn't THE drink that down me. Arthur, our regional manager, treated me and all of our colleagues to one jug of long island ice tea each. Now, that killed me. Without any chance to dance and purge the "high-ness", I was pretty doom to be drunk after that. Luckily, Catherine's boyfriend was really kind and helpful to drive me back home, together with Siew Ching and Catherine of course. And I guess I was being a good boy by vomiting before going entring his car and control myself from vomiting in his car throughout the ride!! Haha!! :p At that moment, I saw distorted images of my environment but was still able to know roughly where I was. I definitely knew what I was talking so I wasn't sprouting nonsense. But I lost my body control and to be frank, it feels kinda of liberated!! Many thanks to Cat's boyfriend for the ride home!!
This morning, strangely enough, I didn't suffer any hangover. I still managed to went for my job training with relative ease. After the training, went to Marina Square for my hair-cut and then meet up with Wendy-J to go shopping for Ben's birthday present. Was thinking of buying a watch for Ben, but somehow, Wendy-J and I seems to have different taste when it comes to watches!! We end up deciding to get Ben to buy what he wants and we'll just pay for it. Lacks the element of suprise, but at least Ben got what he really wanted. Before meeting up with Ben, Wendy-J and I managed to squeeze a bit of time to catch Ice Age 2. Very nice and funny movie!! The animation was great and the characters were so comical!!
We met Ben at PS and went for our dinner at MOS. The first time I went to MOS ever since the last assignment I did involving MOS as my topic. Although I'm still pissed with their management, the food reminds me why I used to love them. After dinner, we went shopping at Orchard. In the end, Ben chose the Puma shoes as his present. (Hey, I still thinks New Balance shoes are better!! Haha!!). Went window shopping a little before we finally hit back home. An enjoyable day basically.
Really, really loving my life at the moment. Although I still faces difficulties at work and studies at times, so far I've managed to overcome all of them. I know I'm really fortunate that I'm able to enjoy myself at this moment. I've heard and knew about others who experienced great difficulties and often regard the working-cum-studying period their toughest moments in lives. I 'm most probably the exception than the norm and I couldn't tell you how grateful I am...

Mudskipper is back!!

2006-03-28T20:47:00.000+08:00

Finally got my PC to work!! Or shall I said, hopefully its gonna work. Actually it was up for a total of 1 hour on Sunday before it died on me again. Hopefully this is not a false dawn...

Not blogging for so long is pretty miserable!! There are nights where I so wish to write my feelings down but due to my stupid PC having strike, there's nothing much I could do but bear with the urge. Strangely though, now that my PC is up, I do not know exactly what to start off with. Too many incidents, too many stories, too many thoughts... My brain is in an extreme mess chucked with information. Still need to rearrange my thoughts before I can start to post decent entries again.

But just like to say to all~~ I'm BACK!!!

Wun be blogging

2006-03-20T14:13:00.000+08:00

It has been a bad few days. I'm now down with a serious cough and starting to feel feverish. In addition, my PC is down and so I probably won't be blogging in the next few days...
So if any one of you wishes to contact me, please sms me or call me. As there are times where I would forget to switch my mobile phone back from slient mode, my replies back to you may not be prompt. Like to apologise that in advance... Hope that I can be back blogging soon.

A Regard to YOU

2006-03-19T04:03:00.000+08:00

It has been a eventful day for me today. There are lots of things that I could write in this entry today. There's Peijun's 21st birthday party and the wonderful cooking by her mum; the food fair that I went with Sis and Yichao; the wonderful Breakback Mountain that we watched; the trance music that got Sis so excited while we're having our dinner... In any normal circumstances, I would be so spoilt for choices at the many things I can write about. But not today... Today I would like to use this opportunity to say something to a particular someone...

To that someone:
Out of genuine concern, I asked and heard about how you are doing through a friend. If what that friend said is true, that you have walked out from the dark shadow of your past, I like to sincerely say to you: "Congrats!!" Knowing that you are doing fine and that you are even living your life happier and better, I can't help but feel elated for you. Many a times I liked to call and ask how you are doing, but somehow somewhat, I lacked the courage to ask or couldn't find the right opportunity to do so... I'm a clusmy man. There are times where, despite my concern, I do not know where to start and how to start. So please forgive me if I seems elusive. I just want you to know that my care and concern for you have never change a single bit as compared to the past.
Knowing that you are doing well brings me tremedous joy. All that matters to me now, is that all my friends are doing well and are happy with their lives. I really don't know if you still read my blog, or if you realised that this blog entry is dedicated to you, but hopefully someone who knows it will be kind enough to send my regards to you.
Lately, I heard some of my close friends saying that they sense a change in me. Some said that I'm now a more positive person, some said that I grown a lot... I cannot be my own judge, but if what they said are true, then it probably means that I'm heading towards the right direction. I definitely feel happier as a person. And that's because, like you, I've learnt to walk away from the dark past and look forward to a brighter future. I can now see a wider view of things which was blind to me then. To know that a close friend, who holds a special place in my heart, are also experiencing the same kind of happiness like me simply warms me.
Due to our own committment, we haven't been meeting up as much as I would have preferred. I seriously miss you. Sometimes, life can be really strange. Despite being so near, yet we seems to be so far apart. However, I guess the most important thing is, we all still care for each other's well-being. As long as that remains, no matter how far apart we may be or how little time we may be spending together, we will be fine.
Hope to see you soon. And when that day comes, let's celebrate our own personal growth and the embracement of the renew sense of purpose and happiness in our lives. Till then, see ya!!

Best Regards,
Mudskipper.

Run update

2006-03-17T00:01:00.000+08:00

Finally, I can complete a full training without having to endure back pains. After going through numerous training, today's the best in term of my physical conditions endurance. Ran around 10km at Labador Park, enjoying the breeze and watching the sun set. Beautiful!! Of course, it seems beautiful to me because first and foremost, I can truly said that at last I can enjoy a painless run. Hopefully this will continue for the rest of the trainings till the competition.
Although I've managed to get my body into running conditions, I'm still not happy with my timing. Today's timing was few mins short of an hour. Too too too too too slow!! Although its a hell lot better compared to the first training, but taking into consideration I was running in pain then, today's timing is a bit of a disappointment. I guess I've to take it step by step. Haha!! I've faith that I'll achieve my goal!!

Learning is never ending.
The moment you think you know everything,
That will be the time you'll loss something.
Gaining knowledge is not the same as gaining wisdom.
One's gain wisdom through enlightenment,
While one gain knowledge through continuous learning.
I may never become a wise man,
But you can bet I'll want to grow into a learned man.

A Entry of Love

2006-03-13T23:18:00.000+08:00

Love comes and go,
Especially when we are all seeking for the Right One.
Falling in and out of love is part and parcel of life;
Knowing to let go and carry on with our life
Is just as important as starting a relationship.
When love sours and fade,
It hurts.
The pain is unbearable and nothing in the world seems to matter anymore.
However, the correct attitude is to treat every failed relationship as a valued lesson.
Yes, you can be sad and cry.
But we must all learnt to stand up and look forward in life.
Love is important, but it shouldn't be our sole focus.
There are lot more things in life which requires our attention.
Family, friends, studies, work, oneself
So many important things and people are surrounding us,
yet we often foolishly neglect them...

Looking back, I was also a fool not so long ago.
I let myself to be submerge into a world of hopelessness
Just because of a relationship that was never meant to be.
A loss of trust over one person manifested into a distrust on everyone.
Like a cancerous growth,
It simply eats my life away.
However, time has once again proven to be a wonderful medicine.
I'm now cured of the disease,
Even though I had to took a hell lot of dosages to recover.

Like I mentioned before,
I'm now a much happier person.
Not because I've escaped from the shackles of love,
But rather I now know how to let go and at the same time,
Once again looking forward to love.
Being single and yet happy,
I'm now better able to look after the people I care about.
I can now push myself to achieve my personal dreams.
I'm not bitter about love and choose not to be loved.
Instead, I'm awaiting for love and using this period to polish myself,
So as to glow and shine when that day comes.

To all my friends who are now blissfully in love:
Treasure the one who is now beside you.
Its fate that brought both of you together and do not let it go to waste.
A little bit of concern,
A little bit of compromise,
A little bit of patient,
A little bit understanding,
Can go a long way in ensuring the love you both share
Blossom and last for eternally.
Don't be complacent,
Don't take it for granted.
Caused when love withered and die,
It not only pains you,
But also to the one you loved so dear.

To all my friends who are still recovering from break-ups:
I shared your sorrow and pain.
You must have wondered how did it end up this way?
Many questions seems unanswered.
You may even begin to loss faith in love.
However we mustn't indulge in self-pity,
Nor shall we loss our focus in life.
Let the pain toughen us up.
Treat the bitterness as a medicine.
They are so many people around you who cares about you.
And precisely because they care about you,
they also shared in your unhappiness and pain.
Why let those who truly love you suffered in pain as well?
Stand up and cheer up!!
Let the past go and build a better future with us true friends.
Have faith that a better someone is just around the corner...

To all my friends who are like me, free and happy:
This is an important phrase of our lives.
This is the time to build ourselves to be better individuals.
We must share our joy with others spread the happiness to them.
We must be sensitive to those who are less fortunate than us.
Let's give them a hand and reach to the pedestal we are now in.
And if you are also awaiting for love like I do,
Be sure to know that I'm always praying for you.
Because your success in finding your true love,
Will be an actual prove and confident boost for me,
that my day won't be far away...

Leona's 21st birthday

2006-03-11T08:40:00.000+08:00

Went to Sis's 21st BBQ birthday party. Was slightly disappointed that some of our friends were unable to make it... (you know who you are... kana sai!!), but at least the BBQ was enjoyable. The weather was cooling, perfect for BBQ. Besides that, the location of the pit was good too, near the washroom and the lighting was bright and clear. Best of all... most dun need to BBQ at all, just wait to be serve!! Haha!! The tough job of preparing and BBQing the food goes to Yichao and his friend Jonathan and another tall guy who never talk to me. I must admit, its one of the most organised and better food serve in most BBQ outing that I had. Personal favourite? Have to be the muchroom!! Haha!!
Brought a big Taz Devil for Sis. Hope that she like it and can hug that 笨笨 looking Taz to sleep every night!! So dear Sis, you are now offically an young adult le. There will be greater responsibilities ahead of you. So must jia you orh!! I'll be there supporting you all the way.

The birthday cake!! Fruit cake some more. Nice to have after a heavy meal like BBQ!!

The star of the day!! Leona cutting the cake with a radiant smile on her face.

The chefs!! The guy in black is the one that I mentioned that never talks to me. The guy in red is Yichao. Let's give credit to these guys for making the BBQ a success!!

Me and Sis. Of course I won't miss the opportunity to take pics with my dearest sis! May all her dreams come true!!

The SD group photo. From the left: Yong Kang, Germaine, Evvone, Siyin, Sihui, Leona, Ben, Peijun, Mudskipper and Geraldine.

It was a small but cozy BBQ birthday party.....

Just a small footnote: After Germaine, Ben and Yong Kang subsequently got off the cab as we went back home together, I had a small chat with the cab driver. The driver was surprised that we're university students and thought that we look much younger than our age and mistaken us for poly student. I guess it shows either: One, we look too childish and the driver was just trying to be nice. Or two, we show actual prove that by dedicating ourselves to gakkai activities and having strong faith in Gohonzon, we are able to become truly happy people and that kind of true happiness brings about a youthfulness about us the nobody can fail to see. I hope and like to believe its the latter...

Youth does not necessary bring forth happiness,
But true happiness will definitely bring forth a youthful spirit,
Which can last longer than youth itself,
Forever and ever.

Baby J

2006-03-06T01:59:00.000+08:00

Isn't this baby adorable!! This baby boy is the child of my colleague, and now proud mum, Tricia. Went to her house to today, where she and her husband organised a buffet party to celebrate the one month old birthday of their new family addition. You can sense the happiness in their life with the radiant and smile on their faces whenever they talked about the funny incidents in taking care of their child.
I'm not sure if all one-month babies are like that, but Tricia's baby (let's called him J for short) sure is hyper-active. Noticed the lady carrying J? Well for your information, that wasn't Tricia but another colleagues of mine, Jennifer. Throughout the period while Jennifer was carrying J, J did not cry nor make a fuss. Instead, he just lays on Jennifer's experienced arm (among all of us colleagues, she is the only with baby experience as she's already a mother of two beautiful teenage girls), his eyes looking intently at Jennifer most of the times. As he gets comfortable, he starts what Tricia called the J's regular stretching exercise. J will start to stretch his hands, legs and body, making very noise. It was a really funny sight!! According to Jennifer, one-month old babies are still unable to see clearly, and thus wasn't able to recognise nor remember the things that they saw. Instead, they are attracted by sounds and bright lights. That's the reason why J's wasn't crying when carried by a stranger. As for the attraction to sound, you can clearly see J's stops stretching when we starts talking nosily in a group!! J's is just so plain adorable!!
We were all discussing, how magical and amazing a tiny life like J's will one day grew to a adult like you and I. In my own opinion, humans are most beautiful when they are at their infant stage. Every single movement and every single sound that a baby makes seems so delicate and graceful. And when they fall asleep, they will become the true sleeping beauty. I can bet with anyone, the way we look after we fall asleep pale in comparison to a baby. In fact, I think we should be grateful that we don't like idiots while we sleep!!

The beginning of a new life,
A start of an unknown life adventure.
The magic ends here.
With our hands,
We shall build a better future for them.
Nothing will be magical,
Just pure hard work and perserverance,
And lots of love and concern.
Their success in life will be a reflection of our success,
And their failure also represents our failure.

Run and Run

2006-03-03T01:06:00.000+08:00

Today is the commence of the running practice that my company has insist on all employees to take part. This is to get us ready for the JP Morgan 5.6km run on April and also the 10km Standard Chartered Marathon in December. For someone who has not been running ever since the eye infection I suffered last October (due to lack of motivation and also the break of the momentum), the practice today was really tough for me. The 4km run today takes us to and fro from our workplace to Sentosa's entrance gate. Well... to say I'm running, it is probably more appropriate to say I'm jog-walking. Without running regularly, in addition to the stupid back pain I always felt when I ran, suddenly asking me to run 4km is probably too much for my body. I was still running pretty smoothly for the first 1km plus, however, when my back pain starts to react, it really kills me!! That's when I started to jog, hopping that the pain will ease away. Well, that didn't happen and by the time I reached Harbour Front, I was really struggling and started to walk instead. From then on, it a constant changing of walking to jogging, depending on how much I can take the pain. Anyway, based on my breathing, I guessed even without the pain, I will still be struggling running all the way for the 4 km.
During the period when I was running regularly, overcoming the pain barrier is much more easier as compared to now. So it really shows how a lack of constant practice will result in a drop in strength and stamina. Anyway, this is a good opportunity for me to starts building up my stamina and also to shed some weight again. With the company run held twice a week, in addition to the extra one day run I'm gonna impose on myself , I'm determined to get my body into competitive shape for December 10km run. Although its still unknown if I'll still be an employee for the company come December (my current contract runs till June), I'm still keen to take part in the competition as an individual. JP Morgan may be too short a time for me to be fully prepared for it, so I guess I'll use that competition as a guage to see how much I've improved.
Actually, to be perfectly honest, I really hate running. Basically, I love sports, but I never considered running a sport. It more like a torture to me!! Basketball, soccer, hockey etc, these are real sports. Running is just part of an routine in sports. How can anyone considered running as a sport?!?! However, I do believe running can help to train my mental toughness (this may not apply to nature athletics as running is as simple as eating to them....). I was never good at running distances and the only thing that kept me going in the past was to constantly psycho myself to keep running and not stopping. A mind over body thingy I guessed. This is especially true when my back pain starts to react. It really hurts like hell!! Everytime I finished a run (that is when I really put in the full effort to run without stopping), you will see me laying on the floor panting and wringing in pain. Its so bad that the only things that consume my mind at that moment is the pain that I feel at my back. Not the feets, the legs or the bursting lungs... just the stupid back. If only my back wasn't not so problematic, it would have been easier for me to stay motivated and run more regularly than compared to now. Because in the end, no sane person likes to be in pain... (ok... if you like pain, sorry, you're from another planet. Most probably from the same planet where Lance Armstrong came from!!).

I Happily Stress

2006-03-01T02:01:00.000+08:00

Today was a really busy day at work. Due to the company system going through an upgrade process yesterday, I was unable to do anything much before lunch. Hence, things pile up and in my line, when that happens, be prepared to go on a mad rush the next day if you are responsible enough to clear your work. As it is, I had to clear the KIV stuff that was left undone yesterday and also the new things that are thrown into my direction.

However, I like to make my stand clear. Despite the pressure that I felt in my work (Heck!! Which job has no stress?!?!), I love my work very much. I may sometimes complained about this and that to some of you poor souls out there (you know who you are... Thanks a million!!), however I'm happily accepting this pressure that I've got. Put it in this pespective: I rather be busy and feeling the pressure of work than laze around doing nothing or working mudane stuff that does not give me any challenges. Of course, too much of a pressure is not good. However, I've not reached that stage where its driving me crazy. I liken to equate pressure as responsiblility, and to be given responsibility means one is being trusted to accomplish what they have been tasked to do. I craved for this type of trust. To be given the responsibility to accomplish certain difficult task give me a sense of importance within the company. I love the challenges and it gives me purpose in life. I remembered a friend, who misunderstood me that I was feeling down, told me that my current situation is one which I choosen and should live with it. He was partly right though. The path that I'm now walking is indeed my choice but the only difference is I've never regretted it. Not a single bit. I not the kind of person who will cry over spilled milk. I'll continue walk the path I choosen without looking back and work my way around the unexpected obstacales. So my dear friends, when I complained to you about how stress I feel, please do not think that I'm crying for help. The reason I'm sharing the pressure I felt at work with you is because I feel I can trust you and this also provide a out-let of pressure for me. You being patient enough to heard me out is the greatest help you can give me. I need no encouragement 'cause I'm self motivated enough in my work. Should the day come when I truly need help, I will be unashamefully saying it out. Hopefully, you won't run away from me then!! Haha!!

Faced your challenges in life,
With the fearlessness of a lion -
The king of beasts.
Do not look back with resentment and regret.
Instead, focus on the present and the future.
Because they are the one which will shape your life.
When you feel a sense of hopelessness and loss,
always stay positive and tell yourselves:
I'm already at the bottom of the pit,
the only way that I can go is up!!
When you've overcome the challenges and reach the summit of the mountains,
you will become a bright warm sun,
where you can lead and encourages others who are still struggling to reach their summit.

Textbook collection day

2006-02-24T02:30:00.000+08:00

Tonight was suppose to be a Phinz outing night. However, it seems that everyone is busy with one thing or another, so I decided its best to cancel it and we shall rearranged it the next time.
Anyway, it turns out to be blessing in disguise for me. I didn't realised today was textbook collection day until Lydia called me this morning while I was on my way to work. So in the end, I was able to collect my textbook without disappointing anyone!! Met up with Lydia after work to collect our textbook. Actually, both of us has no recall what modules each of us had applied. Since we did our application separately this time round, there was all the possibilities that we will be taking different modules in the coming semester. However, as fate has it, the two modules that both of us choosen was the same!! Haha!! Is this what they known as "great minds think alike"?!?! Anyway, I really glad that Lydia and I will still be in the same class. The one great difference that I realised was, when we were in year 1, everyone was pretty friendly and close. However, since we started our 2nd year, most of our classmates are elusive and seldom talk to each other outside their own cliques. Kinda boring and cold. Luckily there's still Lydia who can at least make the lesson slightly more bearable for me when it gets bored...

After collecting our textbook, we went to a Japanese restaurant, called the Umi something-something near our school, for dinner. Haha!! In the end, I got to solve my craving for Jap food after all. (Was intending to arranged a Jap dinner outing or KTV with the Phinz.) And for the first time, I get to taste how nado taste like!! Lydia was really turn off by it, but seriously, I thought it tasted pretty good with my soba!! I think it looks and taste a bit too much like cheese and for someone who hates cheese, I can understand her reaction... The whole night, Lydia and I was updating each others with our work. I think she is one of the few friends I had at the moment who can truly understand and relate the funny incidents or headaches that I faced at work. With both of us working in the same line, its definitely easier for us share our work experience with each other. Fancy telling my work stuff to Sis or Ben and I think they will be blur.... Haha!!

MSNing for the first time with Red and Julius since they went to Beijing and Shanghai respectively. Both of them seems to be doing pretty well. Talk in length with Red about the happenings in Singapore. Miss the both of them... But with communication technology so convienient nowadays, they don't seem too far away from me...

I'm a happier person now because I finally knew that
the Ten Worlds resides within ourselves.
We ourselves, and no one else,
determine what kind of life condition state we are in.
So I now choose to be happy.
I may not have reached the Four Noble Worlds yet,
But at least I can rufuse to indulge myself in the Four Evil Paths.

Go Away

2006-02-22T11:07:00.000+08:00

You came again,
Trying to mess up my life,
When things are starting to look rosy again for me.
However, I feel a need to tell you:
Give up already!!
You will never succeed again like in the past.
I've grown smarter and stronger.
And ironically,
It was you who gave me the opportunity,
to allow me to dig deep to the new-found wisdom and strength
That resides within myself.
You gave me challenges and pressure that I've never experience before,
And I came out of this epsoide in my life,
Battled and hurt.
But I survived through it.
The scars reminds me the need for me to grow stronger;
The vivid images you left in my mind reminds me the need to stay vigilance at all time.
And for that,
I thank you.
You taught me things that I would have not learnt in any other manner.
I'm a better man because you opened my mind to a whole new world,
That I thought never exist.
You shown me what is reality,
And exposed my naivity.
I've learnt to take things in my strides
While I try to stay alive
In the jungle that you threw me in.
Deep inside my mind,
I knew you will appear again into my life.
I'm prepared and I can ensure you,
I'll be victorious this time round.
Equipped with a stronger body, wiser mind and more importantly,
A new faith in life,
I'm ready to tackle new and bigger obstacale,
much less a old foe like you.
So my advice to you:
Leave me alone,
And don't trouble yourself to go into a path where defeat is imminent.
But should you stubornly and ignorantly ignoring my advice,
Don't blame me if the person that is gonna be battled and hurt,
Is you.

I was Sensei for a day!!

2006-02-19T15:15:00.000+08:00

A few people have already asked me how I felt about acting as Mr Ikeda, our greater mentor in life. So I thought I will make use of this entry to share my experience about this whole event, right from the start to the post-SD anniversay feeling.

It all started when I came to know that Hui Hsien was involved in one of the SD anniversary cultural events. I was thinking that maybe its a good idea that I can involved myself in a cultural event that is so significant with a Phinz member. So, I was suggesting to Julius, before he flies off to Shanghai of course, that I may be interested to be involved in the performance. However, there are two things which I didn't know in the first place - one, I didn't know its a skit. Secondly, never in my dreams did I expect to be acting as Sensei!! To be honest, if I known that beforehand, I might not have agreed to perform in the skit. I've never acted before in my entire life and to think that the very first role that I'm attempting is the great man Sensei himself is really mind-boggling!! More shock was to come as I went through the script. When Siyin first explained to me that my role was not classified as an main cast (that honour goes to BK, Ben, Hui Hsien and Jilian... Haha!! almost the whole Phinz is involved except Peiyih and Red), I was slightly relief. However, as I went throught the script, my lines definitely feel longer than others!! My first thought was : "Hell!! How on earth am I going to memories these lines in such a short period of time, never mind acting it out?" I first received the script on Monday. So bascially, we have only four more days to prepare before the actual show starts. I was like: "Gosh!! We must really admire our courage to actually dare to do this skit in such a tight timing!" Anyway, foolhardy or otherwise, we went ahead with the help of a lot of chanting.

Our next practice was at the full dress rehearsal at ICA on Thursday. It was close to a nightmare. Almost everyone was unable to memorise their line. I was even worse. Although I've memorised my line by then, for the very first time, I was actually experiencing stage fright and everything that I've memorise for the past few days just seems to slip away from my mind. My acting seems too relaxed, my posture wasn't right, my voice wasn't firm enough... Feel like a complete idiot!! It was made worse when I saw the impressive performance by NUSSD who have the same script as us. By then, I can truly feel the pressure and also the huge challenge that is ahead of me. On my trip back home from ICA, I begin to tell myself I must put in more effort and not to disappoint the rest of the members in the skit who have also put in a lot effort in it. On the train trip back home, I was memorising my lines aloud, ignoring some of the strange stares that came my way. When I was back home, I was still memorising aloud while showering. Before I go to bed, I memorise it one more time before slept. This routine continues on Friday. Basically, as long as I'm free, I will start memorising my lines...

Yesterday was THE day. Was feeling confident that I've truly done my uptmost to ensure that everything gonna be smooth running. However, this confidence was going to take a beating very soon. When we went for the run-through, I once again forget my lines. I was feeling extremely stress and dejected by then. I was telling myself: "What's wrong with me?? Why can't I produce the same lines that I memorised with such ease during the past few days once I'm on stage??" However, a series of incidents then suddenly change my mindset...

Incident 1) Yuika became the latest actress in our skit, on SD anniversay itself!! I was so impressed that she was able to memorise her line within such a short period of time!! I feel so ashamed of myself. I was telling myself:"If Yuika can do, why can't I do it too?"

Incident 2) Yaqin was suffering from a stomach attack on that day. However, for the sake of the skit, she overcome the pain barrier and continue with the performance. Her determination really inspires me a lot.

Incident 3) The mini dialouge that I had with Wan Xiang after the run-through. I was relating to him how stress that I feel and the weight I feel on my shoulder acting as Sensei. Wan Xiang's reply was simple yet encouraging - "Remember, you are not just acting it for yourself. Your role is to bring joy and inspire all the audiences and new friends who are here today." Then I came to realise something. Throughout the whole week, I wasn't enjoying myself. I wasn't putting any joy into the responsibility that I had on hand. I became too self-centred, only thinking about how to get over it. I immediately realised that I must change my mindset.

Incident 4) The strong and powerful chanting session that the skit team had before the show. It really calms me down and I feel a surge of power within myself. Suddenly, everything seems easier. The actual prove is the last run-through that we had before our dinner. For the very first time in all our practices, I finally managed to memorise all my lines!! You can never imagine the sense of relief I felt at that point in time. I feel more confident and I truly begin to believe that the show will be a success.

When the actual performance starts, the nervous feeling starts to swell up to my throat again. Seconds before my appearance on stage, I did what I was told ever so often, chant three times!! When I walked onto the stage, with the stage light all on me, the nervousness still hasn't truly left my body. However, once the laughter that was directed on my protrayed of Sensei filled the hall, I knew immediately that I had achieved the most important thing that this night was meant to be - to bring joy into people's lives. I began to relaxed and feel for my role. I was Sensei there and then. I can feel the greatness and compassion of our mentor as I read out my lines and hopefully, each and everyone that were watching can also feel it too. I realised there and then that, having this precious opportunity to act as Sensei was not a disaster at all. It was actully my greatest fortune and blessing.

As the show ended, almost everyone I met was either calling me "Sensei" or "Mr Ikeda"!! Even people who I did not know was calling me out and congratulating me for a show well done. The common comment was: "You really look like Sensei!!" (Am I?? I'm still questioning myself on that...)
However, there's something that I really want to share with everyone... Although I'm the one who walk onto the stage as Sensei, I'm not the only who make this role alive. The encouragement that I've gotten from everyone that were involved in the skit help me mould the role of Sensei. When I was discouraged and down, they are the who keep telling me that I've done a good job and that I will be able to break through this challenge. They are the one who pointed out my mistakes, giving me advices on how to protray Sensei better. Thus, it wasn't me who acted as Sensei. It was each and everyone that was involved in the skit that sucessfully protray our great mentor. Thank you Siyin, Huiqi, Suresh, Geraldine, Ben, Jilian, BK, Hui Hsien, Bin Bin, Geneva, Yuika, Yaqin, Jia Whei and Jilian's JC classmate (so sorry that I've forgotten your name!!) for being so encouraging and also helping me face the challenge. I may have become the unwilling attention of the show, but to me, all of you are the true stars of the whole show!!

Nothingness

2006-02-17T02:19:00.000+08:00

Lately, I'm in a strange state of life-condition. I'm neither happy nor sad. I'm neither calm nor fustrated. I'm neither stress nor relaxed. I'm alive, yet I don't feel alive. Something is very wrong with me these days. For a self-admittedly emotional person, its a rarity that I feel practically no emotions at all. Wonder if I'm sick or something... Is it the lack of sleep? Or have I finally burnt out ? Somehow, somewhere, I think I lose something precious from deep within my heart. What is it, I'm not too sure. Do you know what is it? If you do, please advice me so that I can start finding it back... Lost and Lost, and never be found... Who knows? Maybe that's a better arrangement than what we choose to believe. Which is worse? Lost and Lost, and never be found, or Lost and Found, but never the same again?

Cruising down the river.
I saw the twinkling stars.
I heard the crickets sang.
I breathed the cool night air.
I tasted the salty wind.
But I can no longer feel,
the beauty of it all.
'Cause my heart have been washed away,
Together with the flowing river.

Valentine's Day 2006

2006-02-16T00:37:00.000+08:00

Yesterday spent one of my most enjoyable Valentine's Day for years. Although it isn't with the girl the I love, but I think its the next best alternative...
Went out with Germaine as promised. She look fabulous in her purple gown!! She seldom failed to attract attention whenever she decide to dress up and yesterday was one of those days. Its really amazing that she still remains unattached since her last relationship... But I guess she has the quality to be picky...
We didn't start off the night very well as the Japanese restaurant, called the SUN Japanese Dining located at CHIJMES, that we intended to go was fully booked and occupied. So we went to the Liberte instead. Turned out to be a quite a good place. The atmosphere wasn't bad, with the typical Valentine's setting of candle-lights and open space to gaze at the stars. The music was pretty weird though, as the theme of the day seems to be Indian dance. We were well entertained by this beautiful dancer as she belly-danced her way to the beat of the drums. Fortunately for me, I get to gaze at her without the fear that my girlfriend will hit me on the head!! Germaine and I was really impressed by the dancer's stamina as she danced throughout the night, only stopping to change into a new outfits.
The food served was good, although the appertizers was of mind-boggling small portions!! I've counted six calamaries and four prawn tempauras for two appertizer ordered!! Haha!! The lamb chops, (which is part of the mixed grilled that I've ordered) however, was of the best I've tried. Tender and juicy, cooked to perfection - the way that I like it. Even Germaine, who doesn't really like lamb, was impressed by it after I encouraged her to try a small bite.
It was a memorable night. Good food, romantic settings, smooth wines, comfortable chit-chatting; it can only be better if we were with our Fated One instead of each other. But its probably more enjoyable because of this... I've noticed that those true couples seated around us were all so quiet and serious, unlike Germaine and I or some of the tables with groups of friends, where we were always laughing and joking around (although not to the extent of making us look like a pair of clowns!!). I wonder if Valentine's Day had become a hassle to these lovers as they look too tired and serious instead of relaxing and fully immersing themselves in the joy that this special day brings. They looked as if celeberating Valentine's Day has become a obligation instead of a choice... Luckily for me and Germaine, we're celebrating the day more as a Friendship Day than anything else!! Haha!!
Thank you Germaine, for the wonderful night and adorable Valentine's gift. Remarkably, in two years of friendships, we had shared two Valentine's together out of the three. As much as I enjoyed your company, I sincerely hope that it won't become a trend!! I will be much happier for you when the next Valentine's Day comes, you'll be celebrating it with your Prince Charming!! Haha!! Till then, I'll be your Valentine's kakis for as long as........ I'm single!! :0)

As I went back home later that night, I saw a couple of students still trying hard to sell their roses off. As I walked past them, a crazy thought suddenly flashed across my mind. I went back to the where the students were and promptly bought 3 big and beautiful roses from them. Went I reached home, I secretly passed the roses to Dad and signalled him to give it to Mum. The surprised expression on Mum's face was priceless!! Kinda think of it, although I have sent many thoughtful and also hand-made presents in the past for Mum, I believed its the first time that she received flowers from anyone in the family, at least from the time when Dad and Mum married. Valentine's Day is a celebration of love - and who says it only meant for lovers? Love is everywhere in our life. As long as you appreciate it, you will be able to feel it...

Outing with Germaine

2006-02-13T02:11:00.000+08:00

Went out with Germaine today. Supposedly to catch a movie, but we instead spent a lot of time talking and shopping along Orchard and finally ended up a Holland Village for more shopping at F.O.S and then dinner at Coffee Club. It's being a while since I last went out with her. Was rather surprise that she suddenly initated the outing. But I didn't regret one bit going out with her and I really enjoyed her company. It feels a bit like the good ole' time we had. Going out and talking with her today make me realised that she had grown a lot as a person. She used to be very tense up and often got upset over work. Although she still put a lot of her mind and soul into work, she had learnt how to be more relaxed at work and more capable tohandle work-related problem with greater poise and ease. (Even though she still complains that she is not up to the task...) She had definitely grown stronger and I'm most happy for her. I can still remembered the countless times in the past when she will call me late at night to pour her heart out to me about how fustrated she is with her job and other personal issues she have to handle. It was a dark period for her. Seeing her now being so much happier, despite all the challenges she still have to face, makes me feel so relief for her. Hope that she will be able continue to build on from here in her personal human revolution!!
Today's outing also marks the 3rd anniversay of our friendship, abeit a belated one!! Can hardly believe that 3 years has past by us so fast. During dinner, we were recalling the past memories we share and also laugh at the way we met and befriend each other in the most unusual circumstances. We both agreed that fate has brought us together and because of that, we should treasure this relationship that we have now. She has asked me out on Tuesday. Hopefully I'll be able make it if there's no OT on that day... It will be nice to go out and do some more catching up of our lives for the past years.

Me and Germaine. Photo taken at Holland Village at Coffee Club after dinner. Hee!! If she was a a guy, we could be Wang Sa and Ye Feng le. She is soooo thin as compared to the first time when we first met. And told her straight that she really need to put on some weight and that she look much more prettier then. Thinking that might start hitting me with cups and plates, she suprisingly agreed and said that she is now planning to gain some weight!! Phew!! Thought that I won't walk out of Coffee Club alive!! And I guessed she's the 2nd lady after Leona who tell me they need to gain weight instead of the regular complains I hear from girls: "Oh no!! I need to lose weight liao!!" Faintz!!

Leona's House

2006-02-11T14:39:00.000+08:00

Went to Leona's house yesterday for dinner, together with Yichao. A simple fare of home-made fried noodle, the way I liked it at the moment. With me eating out almost everyday for every single meals, this kind of home-made food is what I'm craving for. Leona's mum is really nice and friendly. I shared a little dialouge with her as she shared with me her experiences in SSA activities. The most interesting part is when she shared with me on how she had on several occassion carried the infant Leona to kaidan chant and pray to the Gohonzon that Baby Leona would be nice and quiet so she can carried her activites with SSA. Haha!! It sure is heart-warming and inspiring to hear the seniors recalled and sharing these wonderful memories and experiences that had with us...

Although its not the first time that I met Yichao, however as we had only seen each other faces during the one meeting at YGM '05, yesterday was the first time I got to know him better as a person. Thought that he have changed quite a bit since YGM. Looked different. Haha!! During chatting, I found him to be quite a nice guy. Need to polish his attitude to be more positive towards life challenges though... Haha!! But all in all, a really friendly and decent chap. Sis, you have my blessing!! :)
After hanging around at Leona's room, chatting and taking photos, we went to Swensen at Compass Point near her house. Never really being to Compass Point. Feels a bit like Causeway Point to me... Anyway, at Swensen, as its already quite late, they only served dessert and so we ordered 2 servings of Vanilla Ice-XXX... Haha!! Can't remember the name liao... Getting old and senile liao... Haiz... Yichao and Leona shared one serving, and that poor chap have to finish up the yucky part of the ice-cream that Leona doesn't like... Haha!! (Kinda think of it, he may have felt bliss than poor... lol). So envious of this two lovebirds!! Haha!! I feel so happy for my Sis to find someone to love her and take good care of her. I still remember a few months back when she was complaining to me how love is troublesome or how a close friend broke the "remain single" pact with her... Bleah!! Bet a million with you she won't be saying the same things now!! Wish that this is a start of a fruitful and beautiful relationship. Btw, Yichao, in case you do read my blog, if you let me know that you let Leona down someday, be sure that I'll be the first one to go looking for you and knock the teeth off your face. But at the moment, I think you are great for her. So work hard to make sure this relationship is a success. Jia You!!

Now that I've seen Leona and Yichao, I have more or less seen all the people that I wish to see during this CNY period. After tomorrow outing with Germaine, it will be the end of my CNY friends-meeting plan. A long, long road is ahead of me for the rest of the year. Hopefully I have feed myself with enough energy during this CNY period to power myself forward for the rest of the year...

A small note: When I went back to home from Leona's, chance meet Qiu Leong, for a 2nd straight night, with Susan while on the train. Haha!! Hardly met each other for one whole year yet keep bumping to each other suddenly... So funny, the way fate works...

Unfulfiled wishes

2006-02-10T02:45:00.000+08:00

A friend of mine ask me this question: "What are some of the wishes you really want but knew for sure that it will never be fulfil?" My first reaction was - What a ridiculous question?!?! But, as I was in a very kooky mood, I actually gave it a good thought and after a while, these are the following answer I gave....

1) To have a elder brother or sister.
It will be nice for a change that I'm the one on the receiving end of love and concern instead of the one always giving and worrying... How comforting to know that there is always your Gor Gor or Jie Jie when you have a problem instead of trying to solve things all on your own...

2) To tell grandpa one more time how much I love him...
He is gone for many a years... But I still think of him every now and then. He is a strong man with a gentle heart. And if I'm able to become a man just like he was, I would have been blessed.

3) To erased that painful memory six years ago...
Dumb to fall for a girl who doesn't deserved my love. Stupid enough to believe everything she said. Moronic enough for her to manipulate my every move. Deservingly suffered all the shocks and pains for being a dumb, stupid and moronic idiot who should have known better...

4) To go back in time...
And taunt Hitler that he look damn stupid with his moustache, before taking the initaitive and shaved that ugly crop of facial hair off his face with a Mach-3 Turbo!!

5) To live in the era of the Three Kingdom...
And see for myself if the warriors in those were really that brave and ridculously strong...

6) To live in a cartoon world...
So that I can be knock down by a train and still survive and laugh about it...

As you can see, its getting more and more crazy towards the end...

So what are your never-be-fulfiled wishes? Share with me, if you are kooky enough!!

"Depressing" month

2006-02-07T16:20:00.000+08:00

Yup, the month of Feb is turning out to be a depressing (well, maybe too strong a word, but too lazy to think of a better adjective to use) month for me... A handful of my friends will be leaving me this month, abeit most are for a tempoaray moment. Red and SJ has already gone for Bejing for their GIPs, Julius will be leaving for his GIP to Shanghai tomorrow while Mursh is also flying off tomorrow to further her studies in Australia. Very soon, Steph will be following her footsteps (they are gonna be rommie anyway...) very soon. All these friends will be away by my side from 6 months to 2 years... But there is still one more. Ron will be going back to Aust for good after coming back to Singapore for his summer hoildays. I can heard from his voice that he's dead serious about not coming back to Singapore anymore. Although the sadness still remains the same as it was 2 years ago when he first left, the difference his I'm now more able to understand his stance and respect fully his decision. Gonna miss him the most, not just because he will be gone for good but also I will lose a great friend who I can share and relate anything to. He had shown and taught me a great deal about not giving up on one's dreams and ambition and also to learn how to love oneself more. Through him, I get to witness the power of sheer determination and also the the way to treasure true friendships. He was the one who guided me to the unversity that I now studied in when I was at a lose and not knowing where to go and what to do. He was the one giving me tons of advices of various issues in my topsy-turvy life even though he was far away at Australia... He was always there for me and I admit, there are times I took that for granted. For that, I'm feel deeply remorseful... Sorry Ron, if I was in anyway seems to be elusive. I would like you to know that the friendship we shared is something I won't exchange anything for, and I sincerely meant every single word that I said...

With so many friends leaving me, I feel kinda empty. I can only know chant for their well-being and that we will be able to meet up very soon... Gonna miss every single one of you 'cause all of you have left a imprint in my heart and made my life so much more beautiful and colourful. Thank you and see you guys soon again!!

P.S. Yeah!! My exams are over today!! Time to unwind (just a tiny bit) before heading back to work again...

Short messages

2006-02-03T21:03:00.000+08:00

Many thanks to Siew Kheng for approving my leave today and on Monday to let me concentrate fully for my exams. Although I seriously doubt you will ever see this, I still like to say you have been a understanding boss and that is something I need at this juncture in life where I'm juggling studies with work.

I know today is Chingay Performance and I would have I loved to be there to support each and every performers. However due to my own committment, I won't be able to there. I will instead chant for the great success of Chingay. Friends who will be there, please do send me photo of the Chingay. Thanks!!

SD House-Hopping

2006-02-02T04:18:00.000+08:00

Originally intended to write about what happened during the SD house-hopping on Monday and the "supper" at NTU Hall 16 today(Tuesday). But somehow, as I recalled, beside playing Murderer throughout these two days and that there are some "born" killers among us, there really nothing much to write... Haha!! So instead, I decided to write about certain things that struck me during these two days.

1) There are a few dear friends in SD whom I didn't managed to see during these CNY period. Wendy-J, Jilian, Jane, Jonathan (Haha!! The Js are missing!!) and Leona are a few names that comes to my mind and they are sorely missed, at least they are to me.

2) After watching the Friday Rendevous video at Gerald's place, I realised that the only regret I had for the entire year of 2005 was not being there with the Phinz in our maiden performance then. Its an issue that bugs me even to this day and it brings a weird sense of emptiness in my heart. Somehow, I had a strange (but hopefully inaccurate) feeling that I may have missed something that will never happen again in the future...

3) Julius and Red had always been the one giving me information about up-coming events in SD. Even then, there are still some information which will somehow eludes me. Now with their impending leaving soon, I fear for the worse when no one will ever keep me update about the on-going events at SD level. I sincerely hope that the remaining Phinz and close friends will still remember to keep me updated. You guys can always leave me a messages on my tag-board to keep me informed.

4) There is still one more thing I failed to accomplish during this CNY period which I was hoping to achieve... But I won't give up so easily!! :)

5) I'm getting older... Or shall I said I'm reminded that I should no longer be young and carefree. In between SD house-hopping, me and my secondary school classmates gathered visited our dear teacher Mr Chia. It was during that gathering that I realised one of us is getting married soon and there are also another 2 couples who are planning to do so in 2 years times. Gosh, all my same-aged friends are getting married moving towards a new challenge in life while I'm still fooling around!!

Okay!! Enough of boring stories about myself. I know some of you simply don't give a damn about what is going with my life and would have probably switch off by now... So let me give you what some of you are really waiting for... pic....

Group photo taken at Geneva's house...

However the star of the day was none of those in the picture but rather Geneva's pet dog, Happy!! No wonder its the year of the Dog...

Another group photo taken at Dave's house. This is also the location that started the Murder game craze...

At Gerald's house. Many thanks to Gerald's mum who prepared dinner for all of us and also his Dad for driving some of us back home.

At Hall 16!! A supper outing that somehow didn't turn out to be what I expected it to be...

End of blogging session!! Won't be blogging for a few days I guess since I had to go full swing in preparing my exam on the 7th!! Chanting for wisdom in the upcoming exam and also the courage to face the challenges I set myself in the coming weeks!!

Lunar New Year 2006

2006-01-31T01:56:00.000+08:00

Today finally managed to find some time to update my blog during these hectic Lunar New Year Period!! So far, this Lunar New Year turn out to be better than I expected... why actually I should say I've made the decision to make it better!! Will explain myself on that later...

Anyway, let me start from the Lunar New Year's eve. I think I've mentioned to some of you before that due to size of my family, reunion dinner is always a very big issue for us. There will be large spread of food for at least 20 people each time. This year, we had 21 people with us. First Aunt's, Third Aunt's and First Uncle's families and another cousin of mine wasn't able to make it this time round, making this offically the smallest reunion dinner we had for years!! (Yes, 21 people and its the smallest!! Should it be full strength, it will be 35 people in a 4-room flat!! Madness!!!!!) Well, at least ALL OF US get to sit down together and have our dinner together. Haha!! The photo below may give you slight idea of what its like....

The calm before the storm!! That's four tables full of yummy foods prepared by my uncles and aunts. Of course, as always, there will be someone sponsering something special for the reunion dinner. This time, its Ryan, my cousin, who brought along some really fresh and delicious swordfishes from his company. My favourite dish for that night!! Yummy!!

The tradition Lao Yu Sheng!! As always, it ended up in a mess after "lao-ing"!! Due to size of our family, we can never lao the Yu Sheng together and we will all have to squeeze and go by wave~! Haha!! Madness!! But its definitely a tradition I myself enjoyed a lot!

After the dinner, its the back to another family tradition - Mahjong!! Haha!! We are definitely the Mahjong family as every single one of us, from the kids all the way to our seniors, all knew how to play this game. I can still remembered being taught to play mahjong when I was only 8!! And just as usual (Ok!! Time to be a bit boastful!!), I won!! Haha!! I'm considered the Mahjong King among my generation in the family and I really don't remember myself ever losing during Lunar New Year period, regardless I'm playing with my cousins or my uncles and aunts. (Truth be told, I seldom lose a mahjong game even during normal time...). The only difference this time round is, as we grew up and most of us are drawing some form of salary (NS allowance included), the amount of money at stake is getting bigger by the year. It used to be in cents, but now its half-dollar. I'm pretty sure it won't be long before we start to play in full dollar. (I already started playing that with my relatives at my maternal side anyway...) But the good things is, no matter what is at stake, none of us will lose our temper when we lose. And for me thats the most important thing, because at the end of the day, its just a game and an avenue for us to communicate with each other.

The next day, 1st day of the Lunar New Year, we went back to our sixth uncle's house (the same venue where we had our reunion dinner). All of us are dressed up and looking forward to a day of greetings, celebrations and of course, more mahjong!! First Aunt's and First Uncle's families, who missed the reunion dinner was there this time round. Very noisy and stuffy, the way Lunar New Year should be!! Haha!! Growing up in a big extended family had made me so accustomed to this kind of crowd that without it, I simply cannot feel that its New Year. I also knew that its my fortune to be able to be borne into this large and close-knitted family and I'm always counting my blessing because of it.

Today, the 2nd day of the Lunar New Year, is a special day for me personally. Actually for many years already, while my family (meaning my grandma, father, mother and brother) would go visit my Lao-gim's (my grandma's sis-in-law) house, I would find excuses to not tag along. Well, although I considered myself a sociable person, for some strange reasons, I never feel comfortable in the company of my lao-gim's family. (The crowd there is comparable to my paternal side, mind you...) So, similarily, I orginally decided to give it a miss again, siteing revision for my up-coming exams as an excuse. But when I woke up this morning, for some unknown reason, I told my mum to wait for me while I get dress and go with them!! (They were about to leave as they thought I won't be going again and so didn't woke me up earlier). And so togther my Er-jiu and Yi-ma's family, we went to visit Da-jiu home first (he suffered a stroke two years back and since then, he could not go to lao-gim's home to visit) before heading towards to Lao-gim's home. When we reached there, most of our relatives were already there. And almost everybody who saw me when we greet each other was: "Long time never see you le!! Almost cannot recognised you liao!!" Haha!! And then, when I received their hongbaos: "I do not expect to give you this in a few years time ah!! When are you going to give my children hongbaos?!?! Faster get married lah!!" Diaoz!! I guessed I'll be receiving more of this kind of statement from my seniors... Boo!! I old already liao!! Glad that I came though. Those uncomfortable feeling I used to feel was no longer there and I'm able to talk, even joke, freely with most of my relatives there. Guess I've really grow up liao. Able to communicate comfortably with people is the greatest skill I acquired over the years and I think I showed it today. Of course, the highlight of the day was, yup you guessed it, MAHJONG!!! Haha!! Won't reveal how much I've won. I would just say it covered almost half of my spending on New Year clothing just on this single session!! Haha!!

Tomorrow will be another busy day. I'll be joining SD house-hopping, mid-way of it I'll be joining my secondary school mates for our annual practice - visiting our beloved teacher Mr Chia, and then I still have to attend my supervisior's invitation to her house, before finally join up with SD for the house-hopping again. Faintz!! Haha!! Busy man, but I must admit, in a happy sort of way!! Gosh, I just luuuuvvvvrrreeeee Lunar New Year!!

Chinese New Year Eve 2006

2006-01-28T10:17:00.000+08:00

To all my dear friends, Happy Chinese New Year!! Hopefully by the time you seen this entry, you guys would have recevied your greeting cards that I've sent out to you. Of the whole bunch of friends that I have, I've only sent out 12 + 1 cards altogether. (12 I've already sent out, the 1 left is to be given out by me personally to. Yeah lar, its for you lah, Lydia!! Ga Na Sai!! HAHA!!). These 13 wonderful friends are the dearest to me, who have been there for me for the past one year when I'm feeling down, when I wanted to share my joy, when I'm fustrated, when I'm just lost... Thank you guys!! I know I've probably have said it many thing before in this blog of mine, but I'm someone who believe that love should be express more readily and this is my way of telling you guys that I really love every single one of you.

Ben - Member of Phinz. The Ba-Kong in our group!!

Dave - The "old man" who doesn't act old or look old.

Hui Hsien - Member of Phinz. The one gal who had given me the most encouragement.

Jane - Frank and straight talking gal. Friendly yet feisty, potent combination.

Jilian - Latest member of Phinz. The one who made the funny noise. Beee-Buuu!!

Wendy-J - The female version of myself? Haha!! Shared a lot of things in common. Also the gal I had a hell lot of respect for.

Julius - The blur sotong who sometime gave me wrong info. Illogical at times too...

Leona - My clubbing sis!! The one who I'll protect with all my heart. Kick your ass/balls if you bully her!!

Limin - The female version of Julius? Haha!! A really friendly gal if get to know her.

Peiyih - Member of Phinz. The most outdoor-sey gal among us. TKD.... HAaaiiii-yaaaa!!! Haha!! The gal whom I just simply love to be with all the time.

Red - Member of Phinz. Old, old friend since sec days... The who brought me to SSA which utimately gave me a direction in my faith, and also all these wonderful friends.

Yong Kang - The Big Brother. The YMD who unfortunately have to listen to my grumble the most... Haha!! Paiseh ah!!

And of course.... Lydia - what will I do without you? My best pal. Simple as that.

There are also a lot of great friends out there who, unfortunately, I couldn't find the time to write to. Roy, Heng Liong, Choon Guan, Weibin, Jerlin, Joe, Joesph, Steph, Mursh, ES, Pang Yong, Yuzhong, Wee Keong, Philip, Lukai, Rahman, Wen Feng, and all the friends from SD... Thank you all for all the support and care you had showered me in the past. I loved you guys are the same!!
Chinese New Year has always been my favourite festive season throughout the year. It the time where I get to see all my close relatives and friends. Of course the hongbaos comes in handy!! Haha!! ( Actually, I'm looking forward to the day I can have the ability to give hongbaos out myself... :p). It time where you see lotsa happy faces and receive lotsa warm greetings. It gave me the much needed boost to start off the new year with. I wish this coming Chinese New Year will also bring as much, if not more, joy to each and everyone of you, just as it has brought to me. 新年快乐，身体安康，心想事成！！

2-in-1 again

2006-01-24T02:26:00.000+08:00

Another 2-in-1 blog entry... This seems to be trend lately as I'm getting less and less time for myself...

Went to Settlers' Cafe yesterday with Jane, Joey, Yong Kang, Ben and Dave to give a so-call farewell get-together (sounds so oxy-moron) before Julius and Red flies off to Shanghai and Bejing respectively. A board game cafe at Holland V. Well... I really don't what to say about that day, except it was raining when we were searching for that cafe. Maybe the pictures below may help...

A brief overlook at what we had for dinner at the cafe.

What I had - world's smallest portion of lambchop!! Luckily it doesn't taste too bad. In fact its better than some horrible rocks, trying to pose off as lamb-chops, that I've tried before.

Our group photo of the day. Was surprisingly well-taken.

As for today, I had one of the most less stressful day at work. Just some simple reconcilation. Not too tough. Leave for my 7.00pm class but got a call from Yuzhong asking me if I'm free to go out with him and Red. Well, in normal circumstances, I would have simply replied that I'm not free. But, seeing that its being a long long time since I last met Yuzhong, I thought it would be great that to meet up with him, especially since he is also leaving for Shanghai soon too. Moreover, its a revision lesson so it is a "skip-able" lesson. (Thank you Lydia again for helping me to take down notes. Owe you one.) In the end, meet up with Yuzhong, Red and Pang Yong, who himself just came back from Bejing, for dinner. Later, we went to the void deck at Pang Yong's place and play bridge. Haha!! Simple as it is, I enjoyed it tremendously. It reminds me of the good ol' time we used to have, abeit with a much bigger group.....
I still remembered what ES told me the other day, "hey, do you know our fellowship is breaking up?" Actually, we already had this discussion long ago. The only difference was, at that time, I was really worried and wonder what I can do to savage the situation. Now?? I'm just sick and tired of the petty and childish behaviours of these group of friends which was the root of all the problems. If they were to be more understanding and be more board-minded, everything would have being fine. We have all grown up. We are no longer secondary school students where our life only revolves around studies and play. We all now have our own committments and its almost impossible to find a time where all could meet up. Instead of treasuring the time we had, sulking and grumbling about this person and that person was all I saw... Why bother to meet up at all when all the faces are unhappy ones??? Don't fault me for not trying. In fact I think I've been one of the most patient one, bearing with all the nonsense. But there will come a time when the patient will reach its limits. So instead of exploding it right in front of everyone's face, I choose the path of walking away till you guys learnt to GROW UP and sort this misunderstanding among yourselves. I was never involved when this mess started, neither will I want to stick my nose to the mess now... Not because I didn't try, but because 解铃还需系铃人.

Assignment Ended

2006-01-21T01:27:00.000+08:00

Finally!! My financial modelling assignment is over and done with!! Phew... took me 2 days of sleepless night to complete it. It seems that I'm always burning midnight oil whenever an assignment or exams are near... Wonder if its the same for everyone or its simply poor time management on my part... Haha!! Anyway, at least this assignment is over. In fact, I was quite enjoying myself while I was doing the assignment. Very different from the usual essays writing I got from other modules. Designing the financial model is pretty tough (well, I'm not exactly a Excel genius...), but its very challenging for me and despite all my complaining, (a million thanks to my dear, dear friend Lydia, who has been the receiving end of most of my complaining. Couldn't have complete my assignment without your patient assistance in explaining the mind-boggling formulas to me!!) I love being tested and the opportunity to push to my limit further. In the end, I'm quite satisfied with what I've completed and I shall see how I'll fare...

Now for something slightly more personally.(Haha!! What am I talking about???. MY Blog, of course its gonna be personal?!?!?) I've fallen into a situation which I promised myself years ago never to get into. But I guessed time have a strange effect to cause people to be complacent and let their guards down. Now, there will be times when I'll start to have negative and unhappy images flooding my mind whenever I'm alone... Luckily for me, I'm so busy and pre-occupied with my work and studies for the past weeks that such thoughts have been kept to a minimum. And with the exams just round the corner, I think it will be keep me free from these unwanted thoughts away at least for quite some time... Hopefully I can a solution to move away from this situation asap... Its pretty annoying to say the least... But I'm still able to laugh and smile my day through, so I guessed it not too bad... haha!! Okay... I'm definitely tired liao... Dun even know what the hell I'm talking about...

Wait

2006-01-17T01:12:00.000+08:00

I'm willing to wait,
for as long as you will take to be ready.
I'm willing to sacrifice my dream,
just to stay beside you.
I'm willing to change and improve myself,
to become a man more worthy of you.

When the wait is finally over,
I would have fulfilled my greatest dream.
With you by my side,
My life will be whole.

You are the one I've been searching for,
For years and years.
Now that I've found you,
How could I possibly let go?

Your smile cheers me.
Your tears saddens me.
Your silence worries me.
Your anger frightens me.
But that's what attracts me,
'Cause you're the only one who can do that to me.

I'm waiting for answer.
And I'll work hard for that answer.
I'll try my darnest,
To make sure everything falls into places,

I'm ready... Are you?

Busy, Busy!!

2006-01-14T02:33:00.000+08:00

Phew... Its being quite some time since I last blogged... Sooooo freaking busy these days!! Actually feeling quite stress up with a couple of deadlines to meet within the next few days...
First of all, is of course my job. For a reason beyond explaination, my tasks seems to be mounting by the day despite my darnest effort in clearing all my assigned duties. The stock-count continues forever and ever and from one sub-group to one sub-group. I really wonders when it will finally end? Under normal circumstances, I would be overjoyed at the trust the company shown in me by giving me the extra responsibilities, but with me having other urgent committment at the moment, its sure came a very wrong time for me.
Next up, will be the assignment that is to be due on the 19th Jan, next thursday. Man!! The assignment requirements are so not-my-type. Designing a decison support system (DSS) using a Excel is the last thing I want. I would rather had to complete a thesis than do that!! This DSS thingy is really driving me nuts!! Can't seem to get it to work at all. Either the formulae are wrong or there will be something that pops up which you will realised that needs to be included and then have to redo everything all over again... This stupid assignment requires my full attention but with my countless OT, coming back home with a tired mind and body, I really find it tough to concentrate. Haiz, who do blame?!?! I myself choose this path and I so must strive on.
Up next will be examination on the 7th Feb... Just 7 days after Chinese New Year!! Damn!! This will probably be the most unenjoyable CNY break I'm ever gonna have... The only consolation is that I only had one module to clear... Kinda scary when you think that I'll be actually taking 3 modules next semester!! Think I will either die of exhauastion by then... Haha!! What a struggle 2006 will be for me!! Stuggle at a new work place, Struggle at tougher studies, Struggle to prepare for the entrance exam, Struggle to get my heart's matter sorted out, Struggle to squeeze some sort of social activities in my hectic scheldue... Man!! 2006 will be a ridculous year for me, but hopefully it will be a year which in the future I can remembered as the one that provide me with the platform to push myself to the limit, to unleash my hidden potential.

Dear Friends of Mudskipper, I need your support!! You don't need to be there for me all the time. Just a small encouragment for me once in a while and that will be all I need. I know it won't be easy year for all of you too. Let's encourage and support each other to soar greater heights and widen our human revolution. This is the year of Youth And Dynamic Growth!! Let's prove it through our actions and results!!

P.S. A special note to Wendy-J: Pls come back to the blog-world soon!! I miss you already!!

SD Chalet 2006

2006-01-08T22:27:00.000+08:00

Went to Pasir Ris Coasta Sand for the SD Chalet. Was more enjoyable than I expected so I guessed could be considered a success bah...
Didn't start off the day very well for me though... Took a cab with my Granny to her own chalet but only for the cabby to brought us to the wrong place. By the time we reached the correct destination and me getting off at Costa Sand, the meter already show $35.80!! I guessed its the most expensive single taxi ride I've ever experienced in Singapore.
Reached the chalet in time for the Gongyo. After that, its indoor games as we waited for the night to fall and prepared for the BBQ. Me? Not interested in the Pictionary they were playing, I took a walk along the beach. It was nowhere near compared to Bintan of course, but I still managed to find some inspiration for my song-writing (the rain helped too, I guess...). Everyime when I'm feeling lonely, the sea breeze always brought me the kind of temp comfort that I craved. Yup, I was feeling lonely then, despite after all the games I've played and the many friends at the chalet... Anyway, after that I continued walking towards DownTown East. Suddenly decided to give Jilian a call and see if she is reaching. So happens that she was already at the Pasir Ris interchange, so decided to walk towards to the bus-stop and wait for her and walk her to the chalet. Was impressed that she managed to come as I knew she was having fever that morning. I think her responsible nature helped her through as she was appointed as the treasurer of the chalet.
When we reached the chalet, the BBQ preparation was already on-going. While the guys are preparing the BBQ, I went inside and had a sing-a-long session with Jeff playing the guitar. Like that guy a lot!! One of the more humble yet talented guitarist I've met. As time passed on, more and more SD members started to flood in. The whole place was so cramped!! Some of us have to sit on the ladder steps!! Peiyih and Red came around 6plus (I think, because I was so engrossed in the singing!!) and it was only then that I feel totally at ease. At last my clicks are here!! Later, we had a old-fashion, but forever popular Yum-Seng to celebrate the New Year ahead of us and also to bid a early farewell to Julius and Red as they embarked their GIP in China.
Hui Hsien, the very last of the Phinz came only around 10plus after her Chingay practice. Was also surprise to see Lukai!! Although I knew he was involved in Chingay, I didn't expect to come to the chalet since he is not a member. But I was really glad that he came. (Oh, yeah, also Qiu Jie in the noon. Apparently he was celebrating a friend's birthday at the chalet). Poor Hui Hsien, she was almost voice-less!! But at least her bubbliness still rubbed off others and people like me, Peiyih and Limin all decided to change our plan and stayed overnight with her. Hardly sleep at all as we talked through the night, although Ben and Hui Hsien did sleep as they were really tired. While most are enjoying the ghost stories Ray was telling, deep down, I was pretty pissed off. I simply find ghost stories all so crappy and can never believed in the existence of this so-called unnatural beings. I was always felt that ghost stories are simply just that -- stories, made up by people to scare or impress others. I'm sure that there are explaination to all these ridculous "personal encounter and testimonal". And the most unbelievable part was, as SD members, when we were taught that there is no such things as ghosts, there were so many of them being so enticed by the stories told by Ray... I think that was when I doze off slightly. Tired? Of course I am. But I would have being able to keep awake if we were discussing about other topics...

Caffine Addiction!!

2006-01-06T01:33:00.000+08:00

I hate to admit it but, yes, its official --- I've become a coffee addict... Couple of years ago I would have scoffed at anyone who even suggested that I would be drinking regularly, less needing it.
After my non-caffine diet during my holidays trips, I was foolishly inspired that I might not need my daily dose of coffee after all. I was mostly energetic and and awake throughout my trips so I was lead to believe that I'm need not rely on caffine to keep myself awake. WRONG!!
For the past few days, I was determined not to go anyway where near my pantry and make a myself a nice cup of hot Nescafe Gold coffee. I sturbornly believed that I will be pass my the day at work without a single drop of caffine. Well, I did managed through without the help of coffee, but it sure was a damn struggle. My energy level wasn't what it used to be, and my concentration level also dropped. However, I choose to naively believe that it was due to lack of sleep resulted from the consecutive days of OT. WRONG!!
Today, after my lunch, I was alone in the office, eyes getting droopy. With all the never-ending stock consolidation sheets in front of me, I begin to see double. Instinctively, I knew what was missing and what I really needed. COFFEE!!!!!!! Rushed to the pantry to grab myself the coffee I so missed. When the effects of the caffine sets in, wow!!, I feel energised again! I was working at a rate twice as fast as I was for the past few days. Suddenly I'm awake and alert and feels nothing can possibly stop me. I was able to multi-task again!! Even after I went for my boring lessons in the evening after work, I was still awake and energised. Simply put, I'm back to my old self again...
Damn!! I hate to say this, but if I have to be a slave to coffee just to be my normal self again, then so be it. At least I won't lose my job!! Now, time to buy some top-grade coffee to be stored in my little pantry heaven...

WHY!!!!!

2006-01-03T23:40:00.000+08:00

What exactly is going on?
Why am I so clueless about what is happening around me?
Everyone is telling me everything is OK,
But it looks anything but OK to me.

Can someone please enlighten me?
Is it something that I've done?
Have I cause any unhappiness unwittingly?
Am the cause of all the trouble?

Why isn't anyone sharing anything with me?
Am I not trustworthy enough?
Is my blogging causing too much pain to others?
Am I simply the person that everyone is avoiding?

Am I showing too much concern?
Am I being pushy and unreasonable?
Am I sticking my nose at the wrong place?
If its so, please tell me,
'cause all the suspense and guessing is killing me...

I only wanted to be a listener to your problem.
I wish to share in your happiness and sadness.
I'm not being a busy-body but instead just showing that I care.
I cannot stand seeing my friends in trouble and not able to do anything at all.
All I can do is listen,
but now I was even denied that opportunity.

All I can do now is wait...
Wait for things to cool down...
Wait for the people around me to be ready...
Wait for the one advice that will guide me out of this state of confusion...

When all the waiting is over,
Hopefully everything around me will be fine again.
'cause I know deep inside my heart,
I will never be 'fine' again...

Start of 2006

2006-01-01T23:48:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year my Dear Friends!!

Had one of my happiest count-down celebration in years!! Not because of the places we go, but more of the company I'm with!!
Began the day with a Chinese tea-session at Tea Chapter with Peiyih, Hui Hsien, Ben and Limin, who came a bit later. Took some time for our order to come but we managed to self-entertain ourselves very well, no thanks to photo-taking bug set in!! (I've realised that a lot of our SSA's members have this uncanny ability to self-entertain ourselves!! Haha!!) The tea we ordered was pretty nice, especially the White Phony Tea. My personal favourite. I think all of us enjoyed ourselves and I believe we will be coming back again soon. (Well, I came back numerous time already...) Below are some of the photo we've taken...

Me showing off some tea serving knowledge...(More like DRINK at your own risk!!)

Me and Peiyih... Isn't she beautiful!! Haha!! She looked fabulous that day... well... actually she always look great but was EXTRA fabulous that day!! :p

Hui Hsien and I... Hui Hsien's most tame look for the whole day!! Simply went crazy that day. Ridiculous antics!! Luckily count-down is a once in a year thing!! HaHa!!

Me and Limin. She may be the tallest among us, but do not be fool. She is probably the most blur person too!! Opps!! Don't kill me hor!! At least I got buy grasshopper for you!!

Ben and I. This picture was taken under the threat of the girls. I like to verify that we are straight. Really, we are not gays!! ITS THE TRUTH!!!

The group photo!! By the way, the hidden information in this photo lies in the camera-man who took it. Apparently the girls find the guy who helped us took this picture was damn handsome. Especially Hui Hsien!! LOL!!

After the tea-session, we meet up with Red and Yong Kang for dinner at Maxwell. I ordered my favourite chicken rice for the gang and I'm sure I've just introduce a few more fans to this simply delicious chicken rice. Yong Kang and Red went off earlier to shopped for Red's shoes and pants. Although we meet up again later, we were soon separated as Ben and I accompany the girls with their shopping while Red and Yong Kang went on with theirs. After all the shopping was done, we finally gathered together and went to IndoChime for our count-down party.
Well, IndoChime wasn't exactly our first-choice but with the rain and the failure to get tickets elsewhere, we have to make do with that. The night starts off really slowly as the music being played was hardly dance-able music. Its only when the 2006 began that we get some decent dance volume. Never seen this group of friends in this wild and partying mood before!! Haha!! Guess there's always a first. For myself, I only truly enjoyed myself, dance-wise, towards the end (before we left) when they finally played some trance music!! But by then, the gang are already tired. The loud music doesn't help too. So, for some period, I was dancing alone. Haha!! Kinda miss Leona then. She would have join me, without a doubt!! :p In the end, great trance music with non-trance crowd!! I guessed I attracted some attention too with my large movement dancing. Were my dance-move nice or William-Hungness?? I don't know and I don't give a damn anyway!! Haha!! (although I like to believe that I DID dance better than that idiot!!)
After the partying, we went to MacDonald at Liang Court to grab some bite before heading towards Merlion and wait for the time to pass before the first train arrived. We shared our New Year Resolution for 2006 and most of us have more or less the same resolution: studies, time-management, human revolution, almost all of us have these 3 thing in mind for 2006.
That morning also mark a important day for me. I finally able to pick up the courage to share with the gang my experience in my last failed relationship. It was something I had, in the past, decided not to mentioned it ever again. But I guessed, in order to move on (as mentioned in my 3rd New Year Resolution in my last blog entry), I think its a step that I must take. The gang have asked me if I've truly gotten over it... I think I had, but the insecurities I had still lingers a bit... Like this noon, while I was sleeping, I actually dreamt about the girl I love telling me that she love one of my best friend instead of me, leaving me alone and walk away from my life completely... I was shocked awake, breaking cold sweat... I think this is my next major barrier I need to overcome... To be able to trust fully again towards the girl I love. Cause I know better than anyone, without trust, any relationship, regardless friendship, love or even family ties, will never be able to flourish and grow.
Looking back 2005, I've befriended a hell lot of new friends, especially through SSA. There is simply too many for me to mentioned all here. You guys know who you are and I just like to say, Thank you for all being there for me. Knowing you all have make 2005 the most mermorable year in my life. I'm looking positively towards 2006, because of each and everyone of you. Love you all!!!!!

New Year Eve

2005-12-31T09:12:00.000+08:00

Have been so busy lately... Everyone in the company is focusing their energy towards this year-end stock. Having OT till at least 10.30pm for the past 3 days (yesterday till 11.30pm), and everyone is tired already. So this coming New Year break has been a real welcoming one. For me, despite all the late-working hours, I've actually being enjoying myself throughout this whole period. As a new-comer in the company and still trying to get over the change in environment from my ex-company, naturally I feel a bit lost. However, these 3 days have being like a dream orientation, not just for me but also for my new colleagues to know me better. I always believe that when a group of people is able to struggle through a great challenge together, the bond and friendship among these people will be strengthen. This period of year-end stocktake have just proven my point. My rapport with my colleagues is stronger than ever. We can joke and laugh amist the heavy workload. Now, I knew each and every colleagues better and vice versa. Of course it helps that they are a real bunch of nice people, not unlike my ex-colleagues at Britoil, except that the age-group is definitely much younger here!! I'm really looking forward to my new challenges ahead in this company and I feel secure and safe to know that if I were to face difficulties in the future, help is not too far away... I guess I'm really a fortunate person. I always find myself in the company of wonderful colleagues, bar once, and was generally able to avoid the mind-nerving office policitics which I know is actually a norm. So, I'm always counting my blessing when it comes to work and also the reason why I've always preferred working than studying.
So in my New Year resolutions, it will be simple.
1) I will give my fullest in my job.
2) I want to further improve my leadership abilities.
3) I want to be brave and embrace the feeling of falling in love again.
4) I will convince all around me that the strong faith I have is not just a pretence.
5) Lastly, and probably the most common in everyone's resolution.... I WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm back...again!!

2005-12-27T00:24:00.000+08:00

Yupz...!! I'm back, in more than one way. I'm back to Singapore and I'm also back to my blogging!! As I mentioned before in my previous entry, I needed some time to do some soul-searching. Well, after the holidaying, I think I've found the answer I'm looking for, and so, yeah, I back to my blogging ways again. :p

Bintan Trip (20-22 Dec '05)
Went with Ben and Joey to a Bintan get-away. Really enjoyed myself there, despite the little sickness and tiredness that came our way. The weather had been kind to us. Although its a monsoon season, it only starts to rain on our last day when we went indoor. Composed a song for the Phinz and the inspiration came on the second day while we were sun-tanning. (I must admit though that the sea breeze isn't the only thing that inspired me... Hehe!!)
The 1st day was more of getting used to the area. Went for the scheldued massage at night after our great dinner at Bayan Tree. Italian food if I'm not mistaken and as usual, the portion could be more, but I guessed its ok since we're going massage after that. Joey's veal set was the best and I personally like the white wine that I've ordered.
On the 2nd day, I woke up early to see the sunrise by the beach and also to pick seashell. After breakfast, all of us went sun-tanning and splashing at the beach. Later that, went cycling with Ben. (Ubin is more challenging!!) Had our dinner at the seafood kelong. Joey got car-sick as we went for our dinner but was ok after we went back to the resort. After fooling around, taking pics after pics in the room, I went for a night swim at the swimming pool. So shiok!! Had the pool all to myself!!
On the 3rd day, after checking out and place our stuff with the counter, we went to the the sea-side bar to had homemade ice-cream before heading towards the beach and just lay down on the sun-chair and enjoy the cool sea-breeze till we doze off. Stayed until I find the weather to be too cloudy for my liking. Thankfully, I was right and just as we went to the lobby, it started to pour. Had our lunch and at the resort itself. Then, Ben and Joey doze off again at the lobby as we waited for our transport to the jetty. Reached Singapore around 7.45pm. Send Joey to see a doc and then home before me and Ben head home by cab.

Ferry trip to Bintan

The seaview which is just a few walk away from our suite

After-dinner photo at Bayan Tree

A teapot of the specially-brewed ginger tea after the relaxing Fusion massages

Enjoying myself at our very own jacuzzi right at our balcony!!

Joey and I enjoying our free ice honey dew while sun-tanning. Too bad Ben doesn't like fruit!!

Ben and I went for our Adventure Cyling Ride around Bintan... after sun-tanning!!

Going crazy on 2nd night!! Photo-taking madness took place that night where we posed for ridculous and funny shots!! (can you even tell Joey wasn't feeling well just minutes ago?!?!)

Last meal at Bintan. Lunch at Angsana's Cove. My personal favourite meal for the whole trip.

After this trip, I came to a general conclusion:
1) I will definitely come back to Bintan again.
2) The service we received is the best I've ever enjoyed.

3) I'm gonna go to Bintan on a non-monsoon period to enjoy the sea sport available.
4) Sun-tanning for too long isn't a bright idea!! (as of now, I'm shedding skin not unlike a snake!)

Penang (24-26 Dec '05)
The first day started off with a long, long coach ride to our hotel. We left home at 5am and we only reached our hotel at 9pm!! The whole ride is a real torture for me... I hate long bus ride and it was worsen when the whole ride was peppered with Hokkien oldies, Techew Opera (YES!! OPERA!! FAINTZ!!) and super old Chinese oldies, (mainly singing praise of the Communist leader Mao!!) karaoke, with the chief-in-crime being my father!! I almost wanted to die... GOD!! I thought I'm there to relax, not to suffer from insomina!! Could hardly sleep throughout the whole trip, with the only reprise came from the interval stops for us to relive ourselves. Before reaching our hotel, we had our dinner at a local open space eatery place (very similar to the old old Newton Place). Finally something to cheer about as the local delights (Asam Laksa, Kangkong cuttle fish, Penang Fried Kway Tiao and Noodle, Penang Rojak) was really really superb!! When we finally reached the hotel, I decided to stay at my room and watch Harry Potter while my family and the rest of the tour group (all of them are my parents long-time friends) went shoppping. Managed to go down to the pub at the hotel and join in the count-down party. Not very wild but fun enough. Glup a few beers with those fun-loving ang mohs. Too badz the camera was with my parents and couldn't take any photo with them...

Second day was full of visiting temple after temple... Nuts!! Look all the same to me... To make matter worse, we got super lousy service from the waiteress while we having lunch at this 60th floor restaurant called the Komtar. Make me miss Bintan and the great service I've enjoyed... I really wondered if working for long period at the heady height have cause the waiteress to have oxygen-debt to her brain!! And the meal wasn't that impressive either... Went shopping with my parents after our dinner. Bought a U2 jeans (Dun ask me why I didn't bought it in Singapore) and we had a very special ice-kacang, Penang style, while we waited for my jeans to be altered. By the time I went back to the hotel, I've completed the 2nd song I'm composing for the Phinz. Called back to Singapore at 10.05pm and wished the Phinz, Limin and Yong Kang a merry christmas as I knew they are celebrating and having gift exchange. Heard that I've received Jilian's gift while Peiyih got mine!! (I have 1 more special gift for everyone!! Will pass it to all when I have the opportunity!)

Last day was the best of all. The group decided to give some of the tourist attraction a missed (thank Gohonzon!!), and head straight to Ipoh. On our way, we visited the Perak Cave. It is by the far, the best place we had visited for the past three days. Although the cave also have the regular buddha and goddess statues, but at least its natural and we get to climb up the cave. Of course, the monkeys at the outside of the cave is also quite an attraction. Had our lunch at a Ipoh restaurant called Kam Ling. The Ipoh Hor Fun was marvellous and I had a second helping. The rest of the food was also much better than what we had at Penang's restaurants. Dinner was at a Yong Ping's restaurant, whose name I've forgotten, serving Fuchou's style fare. Not too bad but still prefer the one we had earlier for lunch. Went back to Singapore with surprising ease as we did not encounter much jam as was expected. Came back home at 10.45pm, which is definitely a record since I've never came back home from a Malaysia holiday trip so early before...

The hotel that we stayed in - Evergreen Laurel. Apparently, its a 5-stars hotel. Dun still so myself...

At the foot of Bukit Bendera. Took the slowest cable(hydraulic-powered) you can ever imagained up the hill...

The Indian Temple at the top of Bukit Bendera

Took a picture with my horoscope at Ji Le Temple (极乐寺)

The giagantic Guan Yin Bronze statue at Ji Le Temple.

Inside the Burmese Temple

Thai Temple

Snake Temple... Sick of me showing you temples?!?! Now you know how I felt!!

The Perak Cave (霹雳洞）I mentioned earlier. This is the entrance, of course.

My favourite pic for the whole trip. This was taken at the top of the Perak Cave. Haha!! Majiam gain enlightenment after all the climbing of steep and slippery steps to reach the top.

Conclusion after this Penang trip:
1) Muz remember to bring own's karaoke disc if travelling with the same group again.
2) I'm not a fan of temples...
3) In Penang, the best food aren't found in restaurants (Neither is the service).
4) Never to go Malaysia again during Christmas period again!! I missed my friends in Singapore throughout the trip...