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I believe in Hope and Faith.
With true Faith, Hope will comes.
With Hope, Faith will bloossm.
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TO KNOW MORE ABOUT ME: go to Profile
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1:52 AM
Rollercoster of emotional for the past two days. Well, it has to be regarding my involvement in Soka and my parents' disagreement with it that can possible result in this kind of feelings.
Had a serious talk (well, it would have erupted if I was to honestly speak my mind then) with my father and same old topic about disssuading me joining Soka and all his riduculous arguements about him seeing alot of religious groups being contolled by polictical backhand to manuipulate the members minds, how me joining Soka is a diversion of the family directions and causing tension to the family, how I was embarrssing him for he was someone who outwardly discouraged his friends' children from joining any religious groups, how chanting is superstitious and one should only believe in oneself and not some god or heavenly being (which ironically is the very reason why I was attracted to Soka since we don't pray to any external beings...) how he almost decide to go the Red's house and 'demand Red's parents to stop harassing his son and forcing him to join Soka' (Red, you have being warned. If you feel that your family's lives are being endangered because of befriending me, I won't blame you if you choose to distant yourself away from me...) and of course his favourite, making me feel guilty about how it has cause him to have sleepless nights and endangering his health... The list goes on and on, and where it once make me felt sad and remorseful, it has instead slowly irritated me to no ends. I was so fuming mad that revenge was all thats in my mind. Thoughts of committing suicide to make them feel gulity for life floods my mind. (and to think that I despise and condemn people who ends their life in this manner...) Then another idea came - I shall become a deliquent and waste my life away just to hurt them... Yes, I was that revengful... These thoughts never leave my head even till I was working today. Normally, when I'm in such a unstable emtional conditions, I would have a bad day at work. However, strangely enough, I was extremely effective and efficiency at work today. I guess I've sub-consciously channlled all my negative energy and thoughts into my work... When I reached home today, my moods was still foul, although not as bad as it was in the beginning. Hardly spoke a single word with my parents during dinner, not that I don't want to but I knew whatever came out of my mouth there and then will cause a heated situation that will have a irreverable effect on the whole outcome... So I kept my mouth shut and went for my YGM practice. It turned out to be perfect tonic for me. DMK before the practice calm me down tremendously. The practice itself brings great happiness for myself. I guess I'm truly born to be a show-off on stage. Stage performance have always brought about that kind of fulfilling feel in me that no other things can. In the past, when I was in choir, I was just simply enjoying stage performance. What I didn't realise then was that it became a craving that I need. I enjoy the preparation as much as the actual performance itself. Its like injecting life-force into my soul and giving me the kinda 'high' feeling and a purpose in life that is so addictive...
Anyway, by the end of the practice, my life-condition was once again back to a high and my spirit and outlook of my life began to look positive again. I was in such a good mood, I packed supper for my family. The supper was a great medium for the whole family to resume back to its cohesiveness... well at least till the next time when my parents gonna bring up the whole subject again... I know their stance will take forever to change but as their son, I inherited the same sturborness and determination to stand for what I believe in, even if it means to lie, cheat and steal (a tribute to Eddie Guerrero) to maintain or get what I have or want...
11:22 PM
I've decided to wash my hand over the chalet thingy I was hoping to arrange for NTU-SD. Everything is going at snail pace and I just simply cannot stand seeing things being done in such an inefficient and indecisive manner and there seems to be nothing I can do about it. Any opinions or ideas have to go thru the CICs and ICs and by the time any feedback is being given, the rooms would have been fully booked and another alternative (and simply poorer choice, in my not-worth-any-value-opinion...) have to be selected and we will be back to square one again. I just gonna simply bo-chap and let the higher authority decide for themselves what they want and I'll just be the good ole boy and follow what they say... Can't believe a simple decision of holding a chalet can be such a hassle. (and I thought red-tape is only associated with our government organisations!!) First, they changed the original date that I've planned, and last heard that the location might be changed, AGAIN!!... I wouldn't have mind if the change is for the better but it seems to me that with every changes it simply looks worse than the previous and it has already deviated from the original motive of having a chalet on the 28th Nov, to let the NTU-SD members to have a opportunity to wind-down after their struggles for the exams. Now the date has since change to 6th-8th Jan, where the new semester will already be starting and on a weekend, which gonna be more costly, which was something we wanted to avoid right from the start. So to 'salvage' the situation, they have decided to have it at a cheaper chalet which is gonna be so small and cramped, it can never accomodate the 30+ ppl that we have. Arguement given - " Based on past experiences, most ppl will not stay over at chalet anyway." !!! What the hell!! The most common reason why ppl don't stay over is because there is no bloody space!! And if nobody gonna stay over, why hold a chalet in the first place?!?! Might as well go to someone's home and we play mahjong for the whole bloody day?!?! I know that the many consideration taken is well-meant - to be well-prepared and have it at the most acommdating time for the majority, but just take a look where it has take us to --- a time where all school already started and at a place where its either gonna cost us as much as it was right at the beginning or a change of location where it will be too small to accomodate everyone... Things in life will never gonna be smooth sailing all the time. When the opportunity present itself, we should grab it as chances may immediately be lose just by a simple lack of incisiveness. The chalet thingy simply enforce that. I totally regret that I never book it straight away without disscusing it with the ICs. At the most I will lose the $100 deposit but it would have save myself the agony of looking at the mess unfolding in front of me...
Ok... enough of whining. I know it won't make any positive changes anyway. In fact, I doubt even if chanting will improve the situation. But I'll still chant with the same faith since its the only tangible thing I can do now...
Something of a happier note. Realise that Jerlin, the younger sister of my online friend, Joe, is actually studying the same module as I am this summer semester. Talk to her for the first time in MSN (while both of us are working...haha!!) and she seems to be a really easy-going person, at least from the first impression. Looking forward to see her this Sat for our lesson. Well, the hilarious part is, although I get to know Jerlin through Joe, I've never met Joe in person before and instead I'm gonna meet his sister in the very near future!! Haha!! Life sure is full of twist and unexpected events!! Hopefully we will be able to build a solid friendship like I did with the wonderful ppl I met in school.
7:58 PM
Have been doing backlog blogging again... Haiz... so tired lately that I have no energy to update my blog as regularly as I wanted... Hope I can get back to regular blogging soon...
Sat, 20/11/05:
Went to school only to realise that the class has been cancelled and rescheldued to another date. Apparently we had to check the scheldue online ourselves instead of them calling us like in the past. Damn... now charging us higer fees but downgrading their services!! @£$"%!! So there was I and Lydia, in school not knowing what to do. In the end, we stayed at the school study corner as Lydia finishes her packed lunch. Talk about our work in general and updating each other about our daily life. Amazing how such simple chit-chat can be such an enjoyable thing to do at times. Later gave Lydia a treat at Swensen. (I promised to give my friends a treat after receiving my first pay. Nat, Janice, Red, Ben and Lydia are the first few to enjoy that... haha!!) Talk some more as she continued her stitch work. It definitely look miles better than the 'scarf-that-look-like-cap' thingy that she made at first. Mwhahaha!!! That crazy girl later went to work again at British Club. Working till 9+ every weekdays and half day on Sat and still go to work at night on Sat.... Siao!! Wonder how is she gonna take it in the long-run? Girl, although I've been nagging at you for a thousand times liao, please!!, you really must take a break sometime. What's the use of earning that few extra bucks if you body gonna break down?!?!
Sun, 20/11/05
Went to Mursh's house with Lydia. Got lost looking for Mursh's house. The address given to us was Westwood Terrace but we keep going round and round inside Westwood Ave and Westwood Crescent. Ask around the residents and none of them seem to know where it is. It took us almost 35 min of searching before finally locating it. Phew!!
Met up with Joseph, Steph and Nova. So happy to meet up with them again!! Played Harry Potter board-game together with Mursh's cousins. They are so mischievious!! HAHA!! We were given a great treat of nice Indian food. The cookies made by Mursh taste just as good, if not better, than the one we can buy from the market. Whats amazing was she made it using microwave oven!! Really talented! And how could I miss on the coffee and tea made by Mursh's mum?! Heaven, the coffee and tea. Esp the coffee. It mildly sweet with a very nice and light aroma, unlike the normal bitter coffee we had normally. The best part is that the coffee does not leave a bad-smelling after-taste in the mouth like most coffee tends to. Steph and I just couldn't stop drinking!! We tried mixing the coffee with the ice-cream bought by Joseph and also tried mixing it with the tea and both tasted wonderful. Oh how I wished I could have that kind of coffee at work...
Today, Mon, 21/11/05
Reharsed for the YGM performance after DMK. My first practice today and the song chosen was 当你孤单你会想起谁 (again!!) and That's What Friends Are For. It will be a group performance and it seems to be quite a rush with our next full-dress reharsal slated for next week, with the actual performance on the 4th Dec and 11th Dec. But everyone in the group are enjoying themselves and its a much-needed refreshing change from work for me.
Rudy's father, Mr Jimmy Lin, had been hospitalised and we will be chanting for his speedy recovery. Congrats to Yong Kang, Peiyih, Hui Hsien and Weizhi in completing your exams today!! Your stuggle is now temporary over and do enjoy yourself and let your hair down, 'cause you deserve it. Red, Jia You orh for your paper tomorrow. Had been chanting really hard for you at the DMK session today!
Lastly, I liked to say a million thanks to Roy for inviting me to be his guest-blogger for the past week. Its been a great experience for me. Please continue to support his blog!!
12:08 AM
Haven't been maintaining my blog for the past few days... Was so damn tired with work lately. Moreover, as a guest-blogger, I tend to place more emphasis on Roy's blog then my own... Anyway, let me update what I've been doing for the past couple of days...
Wednesday 16/08:
Everyone at work was really, really estatic!! The medical report of our big boss was out and the report revealed a drastic improvement in his health as compared to last year. There was inital fear that if his condition was not maintain or even detoriate, big boss may have to take up his specialist's suggestion and went for a kidney transplant. Before the report was out that day, my colleagues in my department, the big boss's and second boss's secretaries, the receptionist and myself was having our lunch at our pantry and was discussing who to call the doctor and find out about the medical report. You can see on the faces of my fellow colleagues that they are really genuienly concerned about big boss's health. When the positive result known, (in the end its Ms Tan from my department who made the call), the pantry was full of cheering. When the news was spread to other offices, you can hear the cheer too!! Its quite an amazing scene and it also showed what a great employer our big boss is to the us. It doesn't matter how other people are going to judge big boss success, he is without a doubt a success as a boss, as a human being.
The feel-good condition continued as Kevin gave Royston, Fuyuan and myself a dinner treat at Fiesta to celebrate his promotion at work after DMK. Many thanks to Kevin for the treat and hopefully he will continue to create victories in his work.
Thursday 17/09
Went out with Janice and Nat after work. Its the first time we met since exam!! We had our dinner at Sakae Sushi ( another Japanese meal...) in HMV and went shopping for Janice's ascessories to match her dress for her dinner ball in a few weeks time. Sadly though, we could not find any decent stuff. After that, we went to Swensen and had our desert. As we sat there, we began to chit chat about a lot stuffs. From updating each other about our current life, to the countries we wanna visit, the never missed topic about love, to serious matters like religion and to funny things like how a gal look at guys and vice versa. Later knew that Nat is moving to Clementi with her A-Lao in Dec. So happy for them!! Now that they will be living so close to me and Janice, we could go out for dinner more often!! The funny mistake of the day -- the job agent, Vivian, whom I've recommended to Janice, mistaken Janice to be my girlfriend. HAHA!! This Vivian is so funny!! The last time I went with Lydia, she also mistaken Lydia as my girlfriend. What's wrong with her?!?! Anyway, Janice said that maybe its because she was puting in good words for me. (She knew that I'm leaving my current job soon. So kind and thoughtful of her!!) Although all of us were tired after our commitment at our own work, the conversation we shared managed to keep us energised and awake. We talked and talked until 12am. Luckily for me, I managed to catch the last 174 bus back home. I believed Nat caught the last bus too but Janice probably took a taxi home. Looking forward to our next meeting...
Today, Friday 18/09
Managed to get Red and Ben to go SCC for DMK today!! Once I knew they will be going, I immedately informed Hui Hsien as she was the who encouraged me the day before to get them to come for DMK. Haha!! Well, as fate has it, Ben was chosen to be the solo singer for next Monday DMK as he was picked by today's “Choosen One", Geraldine. So I guessed I'm kinda of like 'sabo' him today, although I've absolutely no idea that there was such a sudden activity going on!! After DMK, Red, Ben, Julius, Sihui, Rudy, myself and a few other members went to Jurong Point's Lai Lai for dinner. During the dinner, we realised that Sihui actually have a bit of hearing problem on her left ear. Hopefully she can quickly go for a check-up and find a solution to her problem.
Heard from Limin and Hui Hsien that Peiyih is down with sore throat. She was already not feeling well on Wednesday so I was feeling worried for her that her condition hasn't improved. She gonna have her last paper on Monday and hopefully her condition won't affect her preparation for the exam. I knew she had been doing pretty well so far and I really don't wish to see her falter when the finishing line is already within touching distance... Will be chanting really hard for her life condition and her total victory on Monday's paper!! The same too to Hui Hsien who will also be ending her exam with Peiyih. Jia You orh!!! Red, you too on Tuesday!! I know you most likely won't be going for Monday DMK, but rest assured that I will be chanting for you!!
10:03 PM
Today marks the first day of an week of guest-blogging for my very good friend Roy. Mentioned it before on one of my previous blog but just like to remind all my friends here again. Hopefully all of you can spare some of your precious time and visit Roy's bloggie which I've linked or otherwise you could go to http://www.xanga.com/rthseng. I will still continue my blog here with my regular mundane daily stuff while the guest-blogging content on Roy's will be more about my past. Do check it out yourself, if you want to know more about my past or just simply giving Roy the support!!
Today was a happy day at work. Cindy came back from her Europe trip and brought a hell lot of chocolates back to office for all of us. Then Vivian, the lady I was taking over temporaily, came back with her first daughter to give out cakes to everyone in the office to celebrate her new-born one-month old. Her 4-yr old daughter was sooooo cute!! She was a full of energy and her actions was so hilarious!! You can see that Vivian is a proud mother. That was not all. Our regular supplier was to sent us a black-forest cake from Meritus Mandrain. That cake was wonderful....!! Luckily I only brought sandwiches for lunch and there's enough space for me helped with myself with all these delights!!
After having my dinner at home, went to SCC for my now-regular DMK. Glad to meet Hui Hsien, Limin and Peiyih as I was quite occupied last week and didn't managed to see them for the 2 DMK sessions I've attended. My life is beginning to brighten up again. One just have to realise that looking on the positive side of life is important in pulling yourself out from the negative aspect of it. I've done that and I count my blessing everyday that I've got a great bunch of friends around, a wonderful job that I began fall in love with and that my family members are all healthy and fine. Moreover, my new semester is starting this Sat and I can once again go back to school and enjoy a bit of schooling life with Lydia and Audrey.
Life is beautiful, if you allowed it to be.
11:26 PM
Went K-box at Suntec with Ben and Joey. Really enjoyed myself. Its being some time since I last went K-box and the first real relaxation I've got since I finished my last semester... Haha, and to think that my new semester is starting next week!! Only complained was some of the lastest song wasn't updated and the system would sometime goes hay-wire. But I guess because of these glitzes, we managed to have a good laugh over it!! Everyone looks kinda different since we last met. Ben have the kind of tired looks which is common among all those who are in the mids of exam. Joey, I thought she look a bit thinner than last time and a look that suggest that she had being through a lot... A 见过大风大浪之辈. Me, well for one, I wore my cock-cock glasses so I definitely looks different. In fact while on me and Ben was on our way to City Hall Mrt station, I saw Joli and Yongjin(If I didn't remember the name wrongly). Of course Joli recognised me but Yongjin was looking at me as if I was a total stranger... I didn't bother to explain anyway since I don't feel like talking to them anyway. Apparently they are now a couple... Ha, why am I not surprise?!?!
9:25 AM
Went K-box at Suntec with Ben and Joey. Really enjoyed myself. Its being some time since I last went K-box and the first real relaxation I've got since I finished my last semester... Haha, and to think that my new semester is starting next week!! Only complained was some of the lastest song wasn't updated and the system would sometime goes hay-wire. But I guess because of these glitzes, we managed to have a good laugh over it!! Everyone looks kinda different since we last met. Ben have the kind of tired looks which is common among all those who are in the mids of exam. Joey, I thought she look a bit thinner than last time and a look that suggest that she had being through a lot... A 见过大风大浪之辈. Me, well for one, I wore my cock-cock glasses so I definitely looks different. In fact while on me and Ben was on our way to City Hall Mrt station, I saw Joli and Yongjin(If I didn't remember the name wrongly). Of course Joli recognised me but Yongjin was looking at me as if I was a total stranger... I didn't bother to explain anyway since I don't feel like talking to them anyway. Apparently they are now a couple... Ha, why am I not surprise?!?!
9:25 AM
Went for our summer semester orientation today together with Lydia. Well, the usual crap was served, with a big dose of laughable presentation by the student service personnel. Luckily we were able to leave early since we were considered 'old-timers' and seriously need not went for the tour around the school and attend the talk by Mr Abishack. (Bless the souls of those who had stayed behind!)
After the orientation, we went to a food court nearby as Lydia consumed her dinner I've packed for her. Then came the shocking new that... Alloyius called Lydia and told her that he saw and talked to Carine, who was with her new boyfriend, gasp! Nelson!! OMG!! Firstly, I couldn't believe my ears that Carine actually leave her boyfriend for 6 years. Secondly, and the most puzzling part, she actually choose Nelson. Well I would have love to write all the negative things I felt about Nelson but I seriously don't wish to get sue, because, this guy is rich enough to sue me to my bankruptcy and its simply not worth it for that childish spolit brat. (Can he sue me for that? Or what the heck, I'm close to bankruptcy anyway...) Lydia was kinda of laughing at my strong reaction. She was like:"Cool it man. Its not as if you were her boyfriend or anything." Well, sorry!! I just can't stand it! How can anyone just leave a relationship and enter straight into another one just because the other guy can provide more bling-bling for her? Damn, I truly disappointed in her...
When Lydia and I went to Jurong Point, we had a hour-long chat as she waited for her dear Alloyius to knock off from work. She brought up the topic about my current love life since we're talking about love matters. She asked about the girl that I had in my heart and when was I ever gonna tell her about how I feel. Well, I seriously do not know... Partly I'm afraid of the rejection and it will difinitely make our situation awkward in the future. Secondly, even if she were accepted it, with my plans to go Aust in a year time for my studies, it would be a unfair for her to wait for me. And lastly, I'm really afraid to commit myself again to a relationship after my own failure in this arena and the horrifiying demostration shown to me by people around me like Carine just did. Like I said to Lydia, I'm began to get used to a singles' life and as sad and miserable as that might sound, I don't have the courage yet to change it at the moment. I'm always a strong believer in fate and if we were meant for each other, our path will cross one day...
1:28 AM
Took a mini break from blogging for a while since my last entry. On Tues, celebrated my parents 24th wedding anniversary at a resturant called 老北京 at Plaza Singapura. Relations with my parents at least went back to normality that day. After lunch, we visited the Istana. Must admit, after visiting the Istana, I really don't understand what the big hoo-ha is all about it. There's nothing much to see and we still have to pay $2/person to visit the office!! Some 'Open' House indeed!! After that rather wasted trip, went back to Plaza Singapura and went shopping for some of my office wear which I sorely lacks. Went to many stores but in the end bought all my stuff at G2000 instead. Simply loves their clothing!! Bought a Fila running shoes for good measure too!
Today, realised my first mistake a work. Made a overpayment of $10. Thought the amount is not large and could be covered in the next payment, making this kind of mistake as a accountant is really, really bad. Not surprising though that the mistake was made on that fateful Monday...
After DMK today, took a bus to Jurong Point, intially planned to meet Lydia and Alloyius. However, since she gonna be really late and called me to call off the date, I continued with what I've been planning yesterday--ran all the way home. Freaking tired when I reached home. Last ran regularly was the time before I fell ill to eye infection. Need a lot of efforts to get back to the fitness then...
10:25 PM
This is what I've shared with the SD members yesterday. Cause of the tears and impromtuness of my 'testimonial', I shall repaharse and put in better words what I've exactly wanted to say... The anguish that I felt for the past 72hrs...
As most of my friends out there would have known, I was excited about the possibility that I'm gonna receive Gohonzon. It actually all begins on 24/10, Monday, when after a dialogue with Calvin, Julius and Suresh, I brought up my desire to receive Gohonzon. That was then that I filled up the application form, in my heart looking forward to the conferment ceremony. Deep down, I knew the most probable date will be next month Nov and was already prepare to use this period of time to overcome my biggest fear and challenge in informing my dad and to seek his blessing. As a staunch free-thinker I know he is, I fully accknowledge that it was never gonna be an easy task, but what I didn't realise its gonna be that tough....
On Firday night, 28/10, Calvin gave me a call and said that I might be able to receive Gohonzon on the up-coming conferment cereomony on Sunday. I was taken aback but thrilled of course. Calvin arranged for me to meet up with SD chief Wan Xiang and my District chief Steven the next day since I needed their signature for my application form and also they wish to know me better as a person. There and then, my first thoughts was that the people that I should inform, besides my close friends, would have to be my parents...
The next morning, after breakfast with my parents, everyone's mood was good. I thought this will be the perfect opportunity to bring up the subject of my desire of receiving Gohonzon to my dad. So in his room, with a lot of courage, I brought it up. I was prepared for him to blow the top of the roof but instead his reaction to that shocked me. I still remembered clearly what he said that fateful morning: "You're already past 21 and you have the legal rights to made any decision in your life. But I can tell you, I strongly disagree with what you're doing..." then he just fell silent. That was no temper, that was no arguement, that was no blessing, there was no communication. After I left the room, I was confused. I couldn't made up what was my dad intention nor the message he was trying to tell me... When I pick up the courage to speak to him again, he was laying on his bed, clearly dejected and sad. It shocked me. Never have I seen my dad in such a state. Not even during the times when the family faces financial difficulties. In his eyes you can see his sadness, as if he have lost something so precious in his life that it will never be able to recover. That was when I knew, he was afraid he lose me. Lose me to the Buddhism I so truly believe in, lose me to the SGI members and friends, lose the family that was his pillar of strength throughout his life. There he was, the man I love and respect all my life, the one who was always there for the family, the pillar of strength to the family as much it was for him, reduced to a state of helplessness and loss just by a simple request from me. It hurts me like hell, like my heart was torn into shrads. What was suppose to be an intention to bring joy and happiness to the family, suddenly look as if it only bring pain and suffering. I began to have doubt in my mind: Am I doing the right things? Is my faith in this Dishonin Buddhism all a mistake? Why have I suddenly become the unfilial son that cause the pain and sadness to his dad? So many questions yet I couldn't find an answer to them...
On Sunday 30/10, the day the conferment ceremony was held, I was at home strugggling and thinking hard. My application wasn't able to rush in time for the Sunday Gohonzon and in my current state of mind, I wasn't sure if I should go. After some serious thoughts and DMK, I finally decided to go. That was the day and when some of my friends like Dave and Marcus and especially Hui Hsien who are gonna receive Gohonzon, the day where they will be embracing immense joy and happiness. I had to be there, I told myself. I had to be there to congratulate them on this very significant day for them. When I reached and saw the ceremony, I was truly happy for my friends. But deep down, I was very envious. In my head, there was a voice calling to me: "Nick, it could have been you up there, receiving your Gohonzon. But why are you only just here, standing and looking as all the happiness and smile lit up in people's faces and yet you yourslf is in pain. Negative thoughts starts to fill my mind and I realise I need to stop all that. Excuse myself to the washroom, I readjusted myself into the correct state of mind-- I shouldn't feel sad. This is a day of happiness. This is a day I should bring happiness to my friends as well and not spoil their day with my negativity. I pushed my negativity away and bring forth the happiness I was truly feeling for Hui Hsien, Dave and Marcus. Everything went on well from then on. I was to Hui Hsien's house to chant for her as her family receive their Gohonzon at home. Her family's happiness was infectious, dispering all my sadness, at least temporary when I was there at her home. That's because more shock is awaiting for me....
Yesterday morning (Mon), when I was about to leave for work, my mum, the one person in the family who have at least shown some support for me throughout my involvment in SD activities, suddenly told me to reconsider my decision to become a member of the SGI. I was loss for word. Why??? Why is the only person there for me ditching me as well? Her words that day keep recurring in my mind as I went for work: "Can you see son? Your strong belief in your religion is tearing this family apart? What you believe in is different from ours and you are already putting the religion as your first piority against the family." My mind is in a mess and I couldn't concentrate on my work. I knew what my mum said wasn't true, yet I do not know how to reply and correct her. I simply loss for words. I started chanting DMK silently in my heart. That was then a thought suddenly hit me---there's probably a reason why my application failed to rush for the Sunday conferment. Maybe fate is trying to tell me that I'm not ready. I've not earned the rights to receive Gohonzon yet. My family objection is actually one of my many challenges in life and this is the time to show my strength and faith more than ever. That was then I made a decision-I will not receive Gohonzon until the day I convince my family. I want to prove that the immense power of the Gohonzon exist and that my prayer for my family will manifest itself someday. The day when I finally gonna receive Gohonzon will be the day when all this will be proven. I set myself goals-I'm not just gonna chant DMK, I will read up more, I will be more active in SGI activities, I will strengthen my faith and widen my wisdom during this period and channelled this faith and wisdom to my family. I want to be able to counter any ignorant comments that may be thrown onto me. I want to better explain my stance and the reason behind my faith in Daishonin Buddhism. I now know I'm not alone. 'Cause I've friends and SGI members who will be supporting and helping me along. The route will be bumpy and tough, but I know that at the end of the road, the future will be bright and when I look back, the training and stuggle that I've to go through, I will have gone through a human revolution and it will make me a better person and it will be all worthwhile. So dear friends out there, I will be depending on you more than ever as I embark on this journey of human revolution. Please lend me your strength and wisdom when I fall. Please guide me along when I lost my way...
Many thanks to William, Julius, Fuyuan and Peijun in giving me advice as I shared my testimonial yesterday.
Many thanks to Peiyih, Red and Hui Hsien for cheering me and just being there for me. Your presence means a lot to me especially during this tough period.
Many thanks to Sihui and Bin Bing for supporting me.
Many thanks to all who was around yesterday to listen to what I've wanted to say, and showing me concern and help. I've cried. For the very first time in years since I cried. The pain was overwhelming and the fact that I actually cried in front of all of you means that I can feel security and warmth from each and everyone of you. I know that you won't laugh at me. I know you won't tease me. I know that you will understand me. I know that I can depend on each and everyone of you. Thanks...
7:19 AM
- - - - - - C r e d i t s - - - - - -
Design&Layout- Lenezoe
Brushes- Greeneye.net
Imagehost- Graffiti.net
Music- Liz aka knightgirl