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I believe in Hope and Faith.
With true Faith, Hope will comes.
With Hope, Faith will bloossm.
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TO KNOW MORE ABOUT ME: go to Profile
TO LEAVE A COMMENT: go to Share and tag your comment
TO READ MY MOST CURRENT ENTRY: go to Story
TO READ MY PAST ENTRIES: go to Them, Archieves and then Story.
TO KNOW THE GENIUS BEHIND MY DESIGN: go to Thanks
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2:37 AM
Exams are over... Not feeling too pleased with my last paper. In fact, I'm so disappointed with my attempts on that last paper that I feel like bashing my head on the wall. I seriously doubt I'll get the result I want... All the efforts I've put in, all the distinctions I got for my assignments, is all gonna go to waste. More importantly, my honors dreams will be tattered... Damn!! I hate myself!! Why can't I squeeze more info into my head? Why must I fall sick and vomit just hours before the stupid exam?!?! I feel like a piece of crap... It will take a miracle to just even score a credit. I feel like shouting and grumbling and just simply show a fuc*ed face to someone, but there's no one who I can do that to without them feeling as crap as me or simply want to whack me senseless!! Damn this bloody stupid world!! When I need to vent out all my frustration, the only person I can turn to is that idiot in my mirror and this stupid blog of mine whom no one even bother to read and comment!! Even then, I still have to act happy, as if nothing has happen and everything is fine and dainty. So tiring... Why am I always the one giving, and not receiving?? Unless you're talking about duties, criticism, sarcastic remarks, insensitive friends... Well, that I received a lot, thank you very much!!
2:34 AM
I realised a trend today... Every time when I'm feeling down, for some inexplicable intervention, I will suddenly get very busy at work. Not that I'm complaining. In fact, I'm glad it is so as it will stop me from dwelling on the negative and re-direct my focus back. Just like today. Wasn't really expecting to work late but turn out to be a super hectic day. Was actually enjoying myself while I immerse myself in work. Wondering if I'm evolving into a workaholic... But it sure is pleasing to know that a rather moody morning turns out to be a pretty enjoyable day in the end (see last blog entry). Haha!!
Anyway, after this busy period, I guess I'll need some time alone to think about certain issues which I've procastinating it all this while. I admit that every since I joined the company, my inital path have gone slightly astray and I need to start evaluate and re-think through my plans for the future... Somehow I've a feeling my decision might shock some people close to me...
12:59 AM
默默的等待,
等待着她对别人死心,
等待她看见自己对她的好。
那是一种痴情的表现,
还是一个呆子的执著?
那是耐心还是胆怯?
无所谓!
因为我已不想再等下去了。。。
专情在相爱时是一个优点。
但在寻爱时却是一个致命伤。
把精神都放在一个人身上,
往往会忽略到身边的好,
让更值得自己去追求与珍惜的人,
擦身而过。
总是喜欢上不该喜欢的人;
值得去爱的人却又偏偏在错的时候出现。。。
那是上天对我开的玩笑吗?
我的生命中的那个女神,
还需我要遇到多少的假想情人了,
真正的她才会出现在我面前呢?
12:04 AM
以往一起奋战的同志,
都一个接着一个离开。
面对四面楚歌,
我该如何应付?
好累。真得好累。。。
渐渐失去了那股冲劲。
一起携手建立新势力的梦想与目标,
为何现在看起来是如此的
遥远,可笑?
孤身作战是一种煎熬。
没有了战友的扶持,
我还能奋战下去吗?
奋战下去还有意义吗?
我完全找不到一个答案。。。
我只有仅存的疑惑与失望,
陪伴着我走下去。。。
10:57 PM
In a matter of hours, I'll be on my way to the exam hall and begin my first exam paper of this semester. Still feeling rather calm but I think the butterflies will start fluttering in my stomach for the last few mintues before the examination starts. The weather at the moment isn't really good - raining and cloudy. Hopefully that won't be a reflection of my mood after the paper, although I rather welcome the cool wind on my skin after days of warmth and extreme humidity.
No matter what happen today, I will definitely go for a short celebration to unwind for a while. Fortunately for me, I'm allowed this luxury since my next paper is still two weeks away. Unlike the past, I've received so much less wish-you-all-the-best and encouragement sms from friends for this exam. Disappointed? Just a little. Need to be positive though. I'll just take it as all my friends have full confidence on me and feel that I need no luck nor encouragement!! Haha!! Very Ah-Q right? Actually, if I wasn't so, I would have long die of disappointment... Many thanks to Audrey and Fuyuan for your encouragment and blessing for my exam today. Many thanks to so many of the SSA comrades who have prayed for my success. I'll definitely do my very best and emerge victorious, as I've no wish to disappoint anyone in my life... And more importantly, with SD concert coming up, this will be the best opportunity to show actual proof to all the new friends who will be there!!
10:10 AM
Yesterday during the study meeting held at Farrand's place, we had a open discussion on the topic of vows. We all have our own opinions but basically we have more or less the same conclusion. We all agreed that vow is a much serious and in-depth as compared to a promise or agreement. Hence we should not make a vow lightly when we are not prepared to fulfill the vow or be easily defeated when facing difficulties in the path of achieving the vow. I like what Mark said during the meeting: "Once we made a vow, we are aligning our life towards the vow. " How true!! When a vow is made in front of the Gohonzon, one is bound to make changes and adjustments to his or her life as he or she strive towards achieving the vow. How ready are we when we made the vow? I believe it should never be a moment of impulse. (I know now is GSS, but pleaseeeeeeeeee!!! do not engaged in impulse vow-making. Vow IS NOT FOR SALE!!!)
Which got me thinking of another type of vow which we are all familiar with - the marriage vow. Seriously, it shudders me to think that we can even call it a "vow" in the today's context and trend. We've seen in statistical reports that divorce rate is always on the rise in our own little island and Hollywood is the pinnacle in making an mockery out of marriage "vow". Maybe we should call it marriage promise. Although with the increased popularity of signing pre-nuptial contacts and agreements, marriage has become more and more business-like to be called a promise either... I'm not going to go into the debate of which gender is the main culprit of all these. (Men: The wife is unrealistic, demanding and over-sensitive. Wife: Men are just a bunch of lazy, non-creative and insensitive pig!!!!) But since its a vow, shouldn't it be taken more seriously and that both parties should work towards the goal of "till death do us part" (although this has also been interpreted in a more sinister context lately...) I just have the feeling that marriage has turned into a game and people are choosing the easy way out in divorcing. Of course, there are cases where divorce IS the ONLY way out, but that should be the exceptional and not the norm, which we are seeing nowadays...
A small note to Wendy-J: I'm really, really glad to see you becoming truly happy and gaining your confidence back. You look fabulous yesterday and I didn't say it just to 敷衍你. I sincerely meant it and I don't normally give praise on looks easily. Just like what you have said in your blog: 真正快乐时的自己最美。
因为你的快乐,我才能看到你的美。
请你继续快乐下去吧。
请你继续美丽下去吧。
让乐观去点缀你的心,
让信心去衬托你的美。
就象那坚强的花苗,
慢慢的绽放,
它应有的灿烂与风采。
P.S. Just be careful where you position your bags-in-hand!! HAHAHA!!!
9:09 AM
如果你真得走了,
我留下来还有什么意义?
这问题的答案,
我将继续寻找。。。
2:59 AM
Feeling extremely at ease despite exams is just days away... Wonder why is this so?? I hope it isn't a case of false confidence. That will be last thing I want. But I'm really not feeling a single bit of anxious-ness, which is weird and so unlike me. In the past, no matter how good or well-prepared I am, the uneasy and "gan jiong" feeling will set in within weeks before the exam. I always felt that that is a good reaction as it keep me on the toe and I will make sure that I make extra effort to be even more prepared for the exam. Therefore, my "confidence" this time round isn't exactly a good sign... Probably I'm too tired to feel anxious. Haha!!
By the way, for those who have been close to me would have known that I've been considering for the past few weeks whether to stay or leave my current job. After some discussion with friends whom opinions I've deep respect for and also some serious weighing of the pros and cons, I've finally decided to stay on. I expect the contract to be signed next week, after some loose ends have been settled. For those who have given me support and advices during all this while, a million thanks to you!! I believe I've made the right decision and that the Gohonzon will guide me along the way. The only sad thing is, my friend cum most-get-along-colleague, SC, may be leaving the company soon. I'll be losing a wonderful comrade and gossip kaki at work... But I'll be giving her my whole-hearted blessing if she really does leave. She really deserve better and its something that the company could not give nor promise her at the moment. Selfishly, I would want her to stay, but I guess that will make me a lousy friend and unfair to the one and only person who has always stand by me during my struggles at work...
Sometime in life, we win some, we lose some. The most important thing is to be strong in the midst of all these changes and continue to fight with a positive mindset. Always remember to smile and laugh away your struggles - this is something I constantly remind myself with, although its something that is not easy to achieve. Therefore, if you would to see me in low spirit, please give me a pat on the back and remind me to smile!! :)
10:33 PM
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