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I believe in Hope and Faith.
With true Faith, Hope will comes.
With Hope, Faith will bloossm.
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1:56 AM
To all my dear friends, Happy Chinese New Year!! Hopefully by the time you seen this entry, you guys would have recevied your greeting cards that I've sent out to you. Of the whole bunch of friends that I have, I've only sent out 12 + 1 cards altogether. (12 I've already sent out, the 1 left is to be given out by me personally to. Yeah lar, its for you lah, Lydia!! Ga Na Sai!! HAHA!!). These 13 wonderful friends are the dearest to me, who have been there for me for the past one year when I'm feeling down, when I wanted to share my joy, when I'm fustrated, when I'm just lost... Thank you guys!! I know I've probably have said it many thing before in this blog of mine, but I'm someone who believe that love should be express more readily and this is my way of telling you guys that I really love every single one of you.
Ben - Member of Phinz. The Ba-Kong in our group!!
Dave - The "old man" who doesn't act old or look old.
Hui Hsien - Member of Phinz. The one gal who had given me the most encouragement.
Jane - Frank and straight talking gal. Friendly yet feisty, potent combination.
Jilian - Latest member of Phinz. The one who made the funny noise. Beee-Buuu!!
Wendy-J - The female version of myself? Haha!! Shared a lot of things in common. Also the gal I had a hell lot of respect for.
Julius - The blur sotong who sometime gave me wrong info. Illogical at times too...
Leona - My clubbing sis!! The one who I'll protect with all my heart. Kick your ass/balls if you bully her!!
Limin - The female version of Julius? Haha!! A really friendly gal if get to know her.
Peiyih - Member of Phinz. The most outdoor-sey gal among us. TKD.... HAaaiiii-yaaaa!!! Haha!! The gal whom I just simply love to be with all the time.
Red - Member of Phinz. Old, old friend since sec days... The who brought me to SSA which utimately gave me a direction in my faith, and also all these wonderful friends.
Yong Kang - The Big Brother. The YMD who unfortunately have to listen to my grumble the most... Haha!! Paiseh ah!!
And of course.... Lydia - what will I do without you? My best pal. Simple as that.
There are also a lot of great friends out there who, unfortunately, I couldn't find the time to write to. Roy, Heng Liong, Choon Guan, Weibin, Jerlin, Joe, Joesph, Steph, Mursh, ES, Pang Yong, Yuzhong, Wee Keong, Philip, Lukai, Rahman, Wen Feng, and all the friends from SD... Thank you all for all the support and care you had showered me in the past. I loved you guys are the same!!
Chinese New Year has always been my favourite festive season throughout the year. It the time where I get to see all my close relatives and friends. Of course the hongbaos comes in handy!! Haha!! ( Actually, I'm looking forward to the day I can have the ability to give hongbaos out myself... :p). It time where you see lotsa happy faces and receive lotsa warm greetings. It gave me the much needed boost to start off the new year with. I wish this coming Chinese New Year will also bring as much, if not more, joy to each and everyone of you, just as it has brought to me. 新年快乐,身体安康,心想事成!!
10:17 AM
Another 2-in-1 blog entry... This seems to be trend lately as I'm getting less and less time for myself...
Went to Settlers' Cafe yesterday with Jane, Joey, Yong Kang, Ben and Dave to give a so-call farewell get-together (sounds so oxy-moron) before Julius and Red flies off to Shanghai and Bejing respectively. A board game cafe at Holland V. Well... I really don't what to say about that day, except it was raining when we were searching for that cafe. Maybe the pictures below may help...
What I had - world's smallest portion of lambchop!! Luckily it doesn't taste too bad. In fact its better than some horrible rocks, trying to pose off as lamb-chops, that I've tried before.
Our group photo of the day. Was surprisingly well-taken.
I still remembered what ES told me the other day, "hey, do you know our fellowship is breaking up?" Actually, we already had this discussion long ago. The only difference was, at that time, I was really worried and wonder what I can do to savage the situation. Now?? I'm just sick and tired of the petty and childish behaviours of these group of friends which was the root of all the problems. If they were to be more understanding and be more board-minded, everything would have being fine. We have all grown up. We are no longer secondary school students where our life only revolves around studies and play. We all now have our own committments and its almost impossible to find a time where all could meet up. Instead of treasuring the time we had, sulking and grumbling about this person and that person was all I saw... Why bother to meet up at all when all the faces are unhappy ones??? Don't fault me for not trying. In fact I think I've been one of the most patient one, bearing with all the nonsense. But there will come a time when the patient will reach its limits. So instead of exploding it right in front of everyone's face, I choose the path of walking away till you guys learnt to GROW UP and sort this misunderstanding among yourselves. I was never involved when this mess started, neither will I want to stick my nose to the mess now... Not because I didn't try, but because 解铃还需系铃人.
2:26 AM
Finally!! My financial modelling assignment is over and done with!! Phew... took me 2 days of sleepless night to complete it. It seems that I'm always burning midnight oil whenever an assignment or exams are near... Wonder if its the same for everyone or its simply poor time management on my part... Haha!! Anyway, at least this assignment is over. In fact, I was quite enjoying myself while I was doing the assignment. Very different from the usual essays writing I got from other modules. Designing the financial model is pretty tough (well, I'm not exactly a Excel genius...), but its very challenging for me and despite all my complaining, (a million thanks to my dear, dear friend Lydia, who has been the receiving end of most of my complaining. Couldn't have complete my assignment without your patient assistance in explaining the mind-boggling formulas to me!!) I love being tested and the opportunity to push to my limit further. In the end, I'm quite satisfied with what I've completed and I shall see how I'll fare...
Now for something slightly more personally.(Haha!! What am I talking about???. MY Blog, of course its gonna be personal?!?!?) I've fallen into a situation which I promised myself years ago never to get into. But I guessed time have a strange effect to cause people to be complacent and let their guards down. Now, there will be times when I'll start to have negative and unhappy images flooding my mind whenever I'm alone... Luckily for me, I'm so busy and pre-occupied with my work and studies for the past weeks that such thoughts have been kept to a minimum. And with the exams just round the corner, I think it will be keep me free from these unwanted thoughts away at least for quite some time... Hopefully I can a solution to move away from this situation asap... Its pretty annoying to say the least... But I'm still able to laugh and smile my day through, so I guessed it not too bad... haha!! Okay... I'm definitely tired liao... Dun even know what the hell I'm talking about...
1:27 AM
I'm willing to wait,
for as long as you will take to be ready.
I'm willing to sacrifice my dream,
just to stay beside you.
I'm willing to change and improve myself,
to become a man more worthy of you.
When the wait is finally over,
I would have fulfilled my greatest dream.
With you by my side,
My life will be whole.
You are the one I've been searching for,
For years and years.
Now that I've found you,
How could I possibly let go?
Your smile cheers me.
Your tears saddens me.
Your silence worries me.
Your anger frightens me.
But that's what attracts me,
'Cause you're the only one who can do that to me.
I'm waiting for answer.
And I'll work hard for that answer.
I'll try my darnest,
To make sure everything falls into places,
I'm ready... Are you?
1:12 AM
Phew... Its being quite some time since I last blogged... Sooooo freaking busy these days!! Actually feeling quite stress up with a couple of deadlines to meet within the next few days...
First of all, is of course my job. For a reason beyond explaination, my tasks seems to be mounting by the day despite my darnest effort in clearing all my assigned duties. The stock-count continues forever and ever and from one sub-group to one sub-group. I really wonders when it will finally end? Under normal circumstances, I would be overjoyed at the trust the company shown in me by giving me the extra responsibilities, but with me having other urgent committment at the moment, its sure came a very wrong time for me.
Next up, will be the assignment that is to be due on the 19th Jan, next thursday. Man!! The assignment requirements are so not-my-type. Designing a decison support system (DSS) using a Excel is the last thing I want. I would rather had to complete a thesis than do that!! This DSS thingy is really driving me nuts!! Can't seem to get it to work at all. Either the formulae are wrong or there will be something that pops up which you will realised that needs to be included and then have to redo everything all over again... This stupid assignment requires my full attention but with my countless OT, coming back home with a tired mind and body, I really find it tough to concentrate. Haiz, who do blame?!?! I myself choose this path and I so must strive on.
Up next will be examination on the 7th Feb... Just 7 days after Chinese New Year!! Damn!! This will probably be the most unenjoyable CNY break I'm ever gonna have... The only consolation is that I only had one module to clear... Kinda scary when you think that I'll be actually taking 3 modules next semester!! Think I will either die of exhauastion by then... Haha!! What a struggle 2006 will be for me!! Stuggle at a new work place, Struggle at tougher studies, Struggle to prepare for the entrance exam, Struggle to get my heart's matter sorted out, Struggle to squeeze some sort of social activities in my hectic scheldue... Man!! 2006 will be a ridculous year for me, but hopefully it will be a year which in the future I can remembered as the one that provide me with the platform to push myself to the limit, to unleash my hidden potential.
Dear Friends of Mudskipper, I need your support!! You don't need to be there for me all the time. Just a small encouragment for me once in a while and that will be all I need. I know it won't be easy year for all of you too. Let's encourage and support each other to soar greater heights and widen our human revolution. This is the year of Youth And Dynamic Growth!! Let's prove it through our actions and results!!
P.S. A special note to Wendy-J: Pls come back to the blog-world soon!! I miss you already!!
2:33 AM
Went to Pasir Ris Coasta Sand for the SD Chalet. Was more enjoyable than I expected so I guessed could be considered a success bah...
Didn't start off the day very well for me though... Took a cab with my Granny to her own chalet but only for the cabby to brought us to the wrong place. By the time we reached the correct destination and me getting off at Costa Sand, the meter already show $35.80!! I guessed its the most expensive single taxi ride I've ever experienced in Singapore.
Reached the chalet in time for the Gongyo. After that, its indoor games as we waited for the night to fall and prepared for the BBQ. Me? Not interested in the Pictionary they were playing, I took a walk along the beach. It was nowhere near compared to Bintan of course, but I still managed to find some inspiration for my song-writing (the rain helped too, I guess...). Everyime when I'm feeling lonely, the sea breeze always brought me the kind of temp comfort that I craved. Yup, I was feeling lonely then, despite after all the games I've played and the many friends at the chalet... Anyway, after that I continued walking towards DownTown East. Suddenly decided to give Jilian a call and see if she is reaching. So happens that she was already at the Pasir Ris interchange, so decided to walk towards to the bus-stop and wait for her and walk her to the chalet. Was impressed that she managed to come as I knew she was having fever that morning. I think her responsible nature helped her through as she was appointed as the treasurer of the chalet.
When we reached the chalet, the BBQ preparation was already on-going. While the guys are preparing the BBQ, I went inside and had a sing-a-long session with Jeff playing the guitar. Like that guy a lot!! One of the more humble yet talented guitarist I've met. As time passed on, more and more SD members started to flood in. The whole place was so cramped!! Some of us have to sit on the ladder steps!! Peiyih and Red came around 6plus (I think, because I was so engrossed in the singing!!) and it was only then that I feel totally at ease. At last my clicks are here!! Later, we had a old-fashion, but forever popular Yum-Seng to celebrate the New Year ahead of us and also to bid a early farewell to Julius and Red as they embarked their GIP in China.
Hui Hsien, the very last of the Phinz came only around 10plus after her Chingay practice. Was also surprise to see Lukai!! Although I knew he was involved in Chingay, I didn't expect to come to the chalet since he is not a member. But I was really glad that he came. (Oh, yeah, also Qiu Jie in the noon. Apparently he was celebrating a friend's birthday at the chalet). Poor Hui Hsien, she was almost voice-less!! But at least her bubbliness still rubbed off others and people like me, Peiyih and Limin all decided to change our plan and stayed overnight with her. Hardly sleep at all as we talked through the night, although Ben and Hui Hsien did sleep as they were really tired. While most are enjoying the ghost stories Ray was telling, deep down, I was pretty pissed off. I simply find ghost stories all so crappy and can never believed in the existence of this so-called unnatural beings. I was always felt that ghost stories are simply just that -- stories, made up by people to scare or impress others. I'm sure that there are explaination to all these ridculous "personal encounter and testimonal". And the most unbelievable part was, as SD members, when we were taught that there is no such things as ghosts, there were so many of them being so enticed by the stories told by Ray... I think that was when I doze off slightly. Tired? Of course I am. But I would have being able to keep awake if we were discussing about other topics...
10:27 PM
I hate to admit it but, yes, its official --- I've become a coffee addict... Couple of years ago I would have scoffed at anyone who even suggested that I would be drinking regularly, less needing it.
After my non-caffine diet during my holidays trips, I was foolishly inspired that I might not need my daily dose of coffee after all. I was mostly energetic and and awake throughout my trips so I was lead to believe that I'm need not rely on caffine to keep myself awake. WRONG!!
For the past few days, I was determined not to go anyway where near my pantry and make a myself a nice cup of hot Nescafe Gold coffee. I sturbornly believed that I will be pass my the day at work without a single drop of caffine. Well, I did managed through without the help of coffee, but it sure was a damn struggle. My energy level wasn't what it used to be, and my concentration level also dropped. However, I choose to naively believe that it was due to lack of sleep resulted from the consecutive days of OT. WRONG!!
Today, after my lunch, I was alone in the office, eyes getting droopy. With all the never-ending stock consolidation sheets in front of me, I begin to see double. Instinctively, I knew what was missing and what I really needed. COFFEE!!!!!!! Rushed to the pantry to grab myself the coffee I so missed. When the effects of the caffine sets in, wow!!, I feel energised again! I was working at a rate twice as fast as I was for the past few days. Suddenly I'm awake and alert and feels nothing can possibly stop me. I was able to multi-task again!! Even after I went for my boring lessons in the evening after work, I was still awake and energised. Simply put, I'm back to my old self again...
Damn!! I hate to say this, but if I have to be a slave to coffee just to be my normal self again, then so be it. At least I won't lose my job!! Now, time to buy some top-grade coffee to be stored in my little pantry heaven...
1:33 AM
What exactly is going on?
Why am I so clueless about what is happening around me?
Everyone is telling me everything is OK,
But it looks anything but OK to me.
Can someone please enlighten me?
Is it something that I've done?
Have I cause any unhappiness unwittingly?
Am the cause of all the trouble?
Why isn't anyone sharing anything with me?
Am I not trustworthy enough?
Is my blogging causing too much pain to others?
Am I simply the person that everyone is avoiding?
Am I showing too much concern?
Am I being pushy and unreasonable?
Am I sticking my nose at the wrong place?
If its so, please tell me,
'cause all the suspense and guessing is killing me...
I only wanted to be a listener to your problem.
I wish to share in your happiness and sadness.
I'm not being a busy-body but instead just showing that I care.
I cannot stand seeing my friends in trouble and not able to do anything at all.
All I can do is listen,
but now I was even denied that opportunity.
All I can do now is wait...
Wait for things to cool down...
Wait for the people around me to be ready...
Wait for the one advice that will guide me out of this state of confusion...
When all the waiting is over,
Hopefully everything around me will be fine again.
'cause I know deep inside my heart,
I will never be 'fine' again...
11:40 PM
Happy New Year my Dear Friends!!
Had one of my happiest count-down celebration in years!! Not because of the places we go, but more of the company I'm with!!
Began the day with a Chinese tea-session at Tea Chapter with Peiyih, Hui Hsien, Ben and Limin, who came a bit later. Took some time for our order to come but we managed to self-entertain ourselves very well, no thanks to photo-taking bug set in!! (I've realised that a lot of our SSA's members have this uncanny ability to self-entertain ourselves!! Haha!!) The tea we ordered was pretty nice, especially the White Phony Tea. My personal favourite. I think all of us enjoyed ourselves and I believe we will be coming back again soon. (Well, I came back numerous time already...) Below are some of the photo we've taken...
Me and Peiyih... Isn't she beautiful!! Haha!! She looked fabulous that day... well... actually she always look great but was EXTRA fabulous that day!! :p
Hui Hsien and I... Hui Hsien's most tame look for the whole day!! Simply went crazy that day. Ridiculous antics!! Luckily count-down is a once in a year thing!! HaHa!!
Me and Limin. She may be the tallest among us, but do not be fool. She is probably the most blur person too!! Opps!! Don't kill me hor!! At least I got buy grasshopper for you!!
Ben and I. This picture was taken under the threat of the girls. I like to verify that we are straight. Really, we are not gays!! ITS THE TRUTH!!!
The group photo!! By the way, the hidden information in this photo lies in the camera-man who took it. Apparently the girls find the guy who helped us took this picture was damn handsome. Especially Hui Hsien!! LOL!!
Well, IndoChime wasn't exactly our first-choice but with the rain and the failure to get tickets elsewhere, we have to make do with that. The night starts off really slowly as the music being played was hardly dance-able music. Its only when the 2006 began that we get some decent dance volume. Never seen this group of friends in this wild and partying mood before!! Haha!! Guess there's always a first. For myself, I only truly enjoyed myself, dance-wise, towards the end (before we left) when they finally played some trance music!! But by then, the gang are already tired. The loud music doesn't help too. So, for some period, I was dancing alone. Haha!! Kinda miss Leona then. She would have join me, without a doubt!! :p In the end, great trance music with non-trance crowd!! I guessed I attracted some attention too with my large movement dancing. Were my dance-move nice or William-Hungness?? I don't know and I don't give a damn anyway!! Haha!! (although I like to believe that I DID dance better than that idiot!!)
After the partying, we went to MacDonald at Liang Court to grab some bite before heading towards Merlion and wait for the time to pass before the first train arrived. We shared our New Year Resolution for 2006 and most of us have more or less the same resolution: studies, time-management, human revolution, almost all of us have these 3 thing in mind for 2006.
That morning also mark a important day for me. I finally able to pick up the courage to share with the gang my experience in my last failed relationship. It was something I had, in the past, decided not to mentioned it ever again. But I guessed, in order to move on (as mentioned in my 3rd New Year Resolution in my last blog entry), I think its a step that I must take. The gang have asked me if I've truly gotten over it... I think I had, but the insecurities I had still lingers a bit... Like this noon, while I was sleeping, I actually dreamt about the girl I love telling me that she love one of my best friend instead of me, leaving me alone and walk away from my life completely... I was shocked awake, breaking cold sweat... I think this is my next major barrier I need to overcome... To be able to trust fully again towards the girl I love. Cause I know better than anyone, without trust, any relationship, regardless friendship, love or even family ties, will never be able to flourish and grow.
Looking back 2005, I've befriended a hell lot of new friends, especially through SSA. There is simply too many for me to mentioned all here. You guys know who you are and I just like to say, Thank you for all being there for me. Knowing you all have make 2005 the most mermorable year in my life. I'm looking positively towards 2006, because of each and everyone of you. Love you all!!!!!
11:48 PM
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