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I believe in Hope and Faith.
With true Faith, Hope will comes.
With Hope, Faith will bloossm.
Click on the words below to navigate.
TO KNOW MORE ABOUT ME: go to Profile
TO LEAVE A COMMENT: go to Share and tag your comment
TO READ MY MOST CURRENT ENTRY: go to Story
TO READ MY PAST ENTRIES: go to Them, Archieves and then Story.
TO KNOW THE GENIUS BEHIND MY DESIGN: go to Thanks
I know some of you complained about not able to see 'Share' and 'Thank'
Actually you will be able to see if you scroll down using the scroll roller
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Simply press 'Page Down' on your key board!!
|| The stars shone for me ||
|| The stars shone for me ||
|| The stars shone for me ||
|| The stars shone for me ||
|| The stars shone for me ||
|| The stars shone for me ||
10:05 AM
Today is the my last day at work. Everything was at per normal, work-wise and emtionally-wise, until towards the end of the day...
As I was about to finish keying in the last batch of data into the new accounting system, a sense of loss began to fill my heart. It started to hit home the reality that in a few minutes time, I will be offically denounce as a staff of New Balance (S) Pte Ltd. All the memories for this company, the late nights, the partying, the hard work, the colleagues, the lunch/dinner, the birthdays celebration... every single bit of it just came flooding into my mind. As I packed my stuff and tidied my desk for the last time, I took one long look at my deak and a huge wave of emotions just swell up in my heart. As I went to bid farewell to all my remaining collegues, I was so chocked with emtions that I could hardly speak. I only managed to hold back my tears, shake their hand and give a forced smile and a nod of my head. I wish to say Thank you to them, to say how grateful I am, but I just wasn't able to say it out. I knew that I would burst into tears if I do and my pride forbids me to cry in front of them...
As I close the door and step out of the office, I could no longer hold it any longer and just burst into tears. All the pent up frustration, the sense of loss and the emotion struggles I've endured to finally deciding to leave the company for the past one month just simply erupted. I rushed to the toilet and cried my heart out. Everytime as I tried to calm myself down, the thought of me no longer needs to come back to work will once again cause me to break down. It was minutes before I finally run out of tears...
I hope that I made the right decision to leave. Although I tried to convince myself a lot of time it is so, doubts still lingers. Carrying all the emotional baggage for the past one month is tiring me out. Although my life condition plunge, I do hope amids all these, I still made the correct decison. Even if its the wrong one, I must make sure that I have the courage and wisdom to turn it around and make the wrong to become a right.
The sofa where me and SC often sits and have our own private little chats. I gonna miss the chats that we share. Its one of those seemingly unimportant details that actually makes a lot of differences.
The place where we have our dinner together when doing OT. Things taste better in here!! This is also the place where I first had my interview which got me into the company.
By the way... Happy Birthday Eunice!! I'm glad that I'm able to compose myself well enough to attend your birthday party. May all your dreams come true!!
12:28 AM
Sent SC home after our long day at work today... Wonder if this is the last time we'll be going home together as colleagues? Her last day at work will be on next Wed before she leave for her new job. My affiliation with the company will also come to an end very soon... I bet there's gossips about the coincidence of SC's and my resignations. Hah!! We don't give a damn!! Gossips about us has long been there and if we were to be bothered by that we would not have become the best of friends in the office. Anyway, based on what I saw and heard, the senior management of the company will be in for a shock when they realised in a month time that the departure of me and SC is just part of the mass exodus that is going to happen soon... In fact, I believe it all started when Joanne and Derrick left. It shocked everyone and people like me and SC are being violently jerked to reflect on our own current situation and consider our future with the company. How funny it will be when our dinner outing next week will turn out to be a gathering of a bunch of ex-New Balance workers!! I still remember Derrick asking me jokingly when he came back to the office 3 weeks after his "resignation", "When are you joining the Club?" Haha!! Never thought it will be so soon...
Going to miss SC a lot as a colleague... She has been a great friend and support throughout my stay with NB. And more importantly, she can be crazy at times which makes her a much more fun person to be around with. I'm sure we will continue to keep in contact with each other.
Going to miss Nurul and Yu Ning too... They often have to suffer from my crazy antics yet always game enough to play along. Its a great joy to be gossiping, crapping, critising and joking with them. They make my sometimes stressful / boring days in NB much more colourful and enjoyable.
Going to miss Jimmy... One of the most hardworking temp staff I've ever seen. Also the only person in the company who somehow will wear the same shirt as me to work at least once a week!! Haha!! Great minds think alike!!
Going to miss Auntie!! The longest serving employee in NB Singapore!! Close to 20 years of service!! Always comes to work with a smile on her face!! Wonder who she is?? She is none other than our cleaning lady!! I can never forget the centennaial anniversay video which we sought professionals to produce it for us where Auntie was rightfully being interviewed. (The only other who was been interviewed in the video was our two bosses - Regional Area Manager and Chief Finacial Officer) It was so FUNNY to see Auntie getting so nervous and shy during the shoot!!
Time to move on and I will bring along with me the memories I shared with these wonderful people during for the past 7 months. LOVE THEM ALL!!
12:40 AM
Finally made the decision to leave the company... It was a tough decision to make and I was almost in tears when I come to this conclusion. I'm not just leaving a job... I'm leaving an industry I still have so much passion in; I'm leaving some really friendly colleagues (although some of them have already departed); I'm leaving behind a dream of seeing the company grow.
After a frank heart-to-heart talk with my CFO, I knew this will be the only outcome. I'm really grateful that she was upfront with me and she has been the most understanding and honest boss I ever had.
Over the months, I've grown attached to the company. But like what my CFO have said, sometime for the sake of our own future and make some tough decisions. She told me frankly that despite the pay raise, she could not give me the permanant position the I desired despite her full effort to do so. She explained the situation to be me and I can fully understand the uncompromising position she is in. Not being able to offer me a permanant position is difficult on both the company and I. My seniors will be unable to pass to me responsibilities as they will fear I may leave anytime. I'm frustrated with what I inaccurately thought as the lack of trust in me for not given me the opportunities and delegating responsiblities to me. Things that I used to be doing has all been given back to my colleagues once she was back. Suddenly, I was reduced to just like a normal data entry clerk. Projects that I put in so much efforts to make sure it work efficiently and effective is suddenly not within my control nor command. It was a real sickening blow to me and yet after learning the company stance and sitution, I really could not blame them making such decisions... I need to feel challenged at work and that is something I am no longer getting. Actually I kinda knew I would come to this conclusion when I feel no joy in my pay raise. I was no longer motivated to come for work. Gone was the days when I was doing OT willingly to finished incomplete tasks. Now I just wish to be able to leave the office on time... I admit that the departure of so many of colleagues whom I considered friends has made my decision to leave easier, but it is definitely not the defining factor. I've reached a stage in life where I need stability in my career and I know fully well now that I won't be getting it here. Its time to move on.
Ironically, I was contemplating in my last blog entry about leaving Singapore. This might be a sign that maybe its a right option to take up...
3:55 AM
那烦躁不乐的心情,
在我听到他与她的消息时,
再一次的涌现。
此时才发现,
原来我还没完完全全地,
把一切都忘掉。
想到他们未来的种种可能,
心里总是好不是滋味。
无法潇洒的走开;
无法大方的成全。
所有的表现都是一种掩饰。
掩饰自己嫉妒的心;
遮盖自己自卑的心;
隐藏自己挫败的心;
欺骗自己悲伤的心。
我应该如何面对?
虽然可以装作若无其事,
但这样虚伪的行为要持续多久?
或许我一开始的决定是对的。。。
虽然我讨厌逃避,
但这有可能是我唯一的解药。
离开这里,
踏上离乡的旅程。。。
12:12 AM
My reservist is over!! Still feeling the tiredness from the unexpected exertion I've to go through for this so-called "low key" in-camp training (ICT). This ICT wasn't as great as I hope it will be... Firstly, as expected, I did a marksman standard of shooting during the range. But the disappointing thing is I didn't get the monetary reward as the stupid army has changed the award system whereby everyone in the same detail must get a minimum of 80% of shots to get marksman. Well, as it turn out, my detail did great in the day-shoot but came night-shoot, one of them have weapon problem and did not get to expend 14 rounds out of the 20 rounds issued... In the end the whole detail only managed 78%, which was so frustrating as we are so damn close. Personally, I only missed 4 shots for the whole day, and it came about during the night-shoot when I was slow in loading my 2nd magazine and have to retain 4 rounds. So basically, whenever I shoot, I hit. That was actully one of my best shootings percentage and yet with this kind of performance and I still wasn't awarded marksmanship was so grrrrr!! Really find the army's new standard of awarding marksmanship puzzling. For crying out loud, its marksMANship, not marksGROUPship!! Why must I be penalised for others' bad shooting in which I've totally no control of? It isn't as if I can help the others in shooting down their targets...
Secondly, I was posted to another company (again!!) which I know basically no one. I tried to communicate and attempt to blend in with my new mates with no avail. They wasn't nasty but somehow they didn't really warm up to me either. They prefer to gamble late into the night while I prefer to sleep. They speak with each other in hokkien while I speak to them basically in chinese. They prefer to do their things at their own slow pace while I prefer to do things quick so as to rest early... Somehow we just don't click and it was really a unpleasant experience.
Luckily things starts off quite well. Managed to meet up with my old BMT mates. Boon Hong, Jeong Soon, Teng was in the reservist unit with me, while Heng Liong, Weibin and Choon Guan was also in the camp as they are serving out their remaining service due to disruption. So on the first day, we had supper together and as usual, we update each other of our current lives and also recall those memorable and funny days during BMT!! It was heart-warming to see so many of my comarades together, people who have fight alongside me, people who being through the tough and the happy times together with me, people who experienced the same things as I, people who nods knowingly when I recalled and talked about past happenings. It was in sharp contrast with my new mates in reservist. Like what Jeong Soon said, its amazing that 5 years has since passed when it feels like just yesterday. All of us are entering different pharse in life. Jeong Soon has become a father, Boon Hong is now a boss, Teng is now working and Weibin, Heng Liong has graduated and will be going into the workforce once they ORD, Choon Guan still have another year before graduation and of course I'm now working and studying at the same time. Although we have less get-together as in the past, but the special friendship and camadrie spirit we share never diminish and its something we all treasured. A friendship that can withstand the trial of times are true friendship and I'm sure that is what we have here.
Being away for one week (five days actually) and of course things have changed.
Joanne and Alvin offically became my ex-colleagues.
SC has her job request turned down.
Wendy-J is down with flu and also experience a lost of a dear one.
I was offered the CIC role, together with Ben, YK and others. Undecided yet.
Nat has failed her sub-paper and have to re-take her module.
Lydia is having a bit of family problem.
YMD formation day's training is still a mess (the only thing unchanged!!).
Granny have went to see a doc and found out there's a growth in her stomach. Further test is needed and I'm praying really hard that the ressult won't be anything bad... Please chant for my granny, my friends, if you can.
So many things I need to address and so many friends and loved ones I need to worry about. But I guessed its actually a blessing. I'm sure its miles better than I've no friends and loved one for me to worry, and life stagnant to a stage where I've nothing to address. I've finally learnt to to see things in a different perspective...
9:12 PM
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