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I believe in Hope and Faith.
With true Faith, Hope will comes.
With Hope, Faith will bloossm.
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1:32 AM
It has been a pretty good one week for me. First and foremost, the problem I mentioned in my last entry has been dealt with, in a very satisfactorily but not to the point of bastardly manner. I knew some of you have been stunned by my reaction, but there also a few who aren't surprised at all. Those who have known me for a very long time (i.e. since secondary school days) would have know that since young, I always have this competitive nature in me which I hate to lose and is seldom been allowed to be treated as a push-over. (I said seldom because there are a few people in my life whom I'm willing to give in to their every crazy antics and demands...) This nature has mellowed a bit in that I'm now a much graceful loser. But I still won't allow anyone to push me around. I will speak my mind and fight my way through, especially at work. And this time round, I did just that and it turns out well for me AND my colleague. (P.S. We are just colleagues, not friends!!)
Secondly, my Sixth Uncle have finally married to Olivier. Oopps, I should now called her Sixth Auntie now!! Their story is made for the press. Sixth Aunt was a Filipino who came to Singapore and to our extended family as a maid to take care of my late grand-mother. At that time, beside my grand-mother, my Fifth, Sixth and Seventh Uncle were also staying together under the same roof. After my grand-mother past away, Sixth Aunt continued and extended her stay in Singapore. Well, during these period, Sixth Aunt and Uncle fallen in love and has since moved out of the old house and move to a new flat with my Seventh Uncle. It quite an amazing union actually. My uncle speaks pre-dominantly Chinese and Hokkien while aunt speaks only English. Uncle offer incense to Dua Be Gong while aunt pray to Jesus Christ. I believe any outsiders would be skeptical about their union. But not us in the family. We all seen it by ourselves how much they struggle to conquer their differences and overcome all the difficulties (all the ridiculous paper-work to get aunt to stay in Singapore) just to be together. There's no need for romantic drama... I've just witnessed one in real life. My blessings to them and I just can't wait to have another cousin/s to play with!! (Last count was 15, excluding myself and my brother!!)
Just a insignificant small note: I was their official cameraman for their ceremony and it was a truly great honor!! :)
On Tuesday, watch my beloved Arsenal battle to a nil-nil draw against a plucky and diving Villarreal. Although sad to see Flamini getting injured, its a joy to see Clichy back in action and having a decent game on his first match after his injury, in a Champions League semi-final no less!! Jose Mari theatrical fall in the 88th minutes to earn Villarreal a penalty was ridculous. The fact that the refeere actually bought it was beyond explaination. Most of times, I'm not very good at differentiating between a cheat and a genuine foul at times without the aids of the slow-motions. But the play-acting by Jose Mari was so blatant and obvious that I didn't even need any slow-motion to tell me so. Luckily justice was served and it was befitting that, in my opinion, Arsenal Player of the Season, Lehmann was to be one basked in glory by saving the resulting penalty taken by Riquelme. Amazingly, Arsenal have gone 10 consective European matches without conceding with a patch-up defence and much of the credit have to go to Lehmann and Toure leadership and organisation. Champions League final, Arsenal vs Barcelona, oooooo I'm can't wait!! And Sis, you know which sides I'm rooting for!!
Then there was the JPMorgan Chase held yesterday at the Padang. Despite the drizzling, the turnout was good. Too good in fact, that I can hardly run without bumping into someone every after minute. The run was pretty short, just 5.6km. It was lotsa fun and spotting Leon (during the race) and Lydia (after the race) just simply increase the fun-o-meter. After the run, my colleagues and I ( we are not just colleagues, we are friends!!) pig it out at Glutton Place. (not too sure if I gotten the name correct but I knew its opposite Marine Square) Its a nice team building opportunity and I really enjoyed myself. Many thanks to Jiawei and Joanne for driving me and Siew Ching back home. Really love to sit at the back of the pick-up and enjoy the wind hitting against the skin! Shiok!!
And then tonight, manage to knock-off early from work (a rarity these days!!) and attend the Gosho study lecture by Mr Chan. As always, Mr Chan makes the learning easy and simple to understand. But like what Mr Chan said after the lecture, it is more important for us to read up the prescribe text "The World of Nichiren Daishonin's Writings - A Discussion on Humanistic Religion - Volume 1" and truly digest and understand what is being written on the book than just rely on the summary that Mr Chan had painstakingly and kindly given to us during lecture and mistakenly think that its easy. To be self-motivated and willing to learn and read - to cultivate the seeking spirit, is the key to true human revolution.
2:52 AM
I had enough!!
I shall no longer tolerate with all the shit you create!!
I shall no longer be the Mr Nice Guy.
If you think you can take advantage of my patience,
You are so damn wrong!!
If you think I'm like the rest of those greenhorns who does not retaliate,
Think again!!
I try my best to be co-operative and nice,
You took it for granted.
I try to give and take,
But you just take my goodwill and give me freaking headaches!!
I try to be PROFESSIONAL with you,
But you choose to two-face me!!
Congrats!!
You just awaken a very dark side of me.
Since you want to be an asshole,
I shall let you see how manipulative and scheming a bastard I can be!!
You turn my peaceful world into a battlefield
And give me nothing but nightmares.
Dun worry!!
You'll get your war,
And be sure I'm gonna personally make your life a burning hell!!
Since you do not know the meaning of "co-operation",
I'll have to use the hard way to make you "assist" me.
I'm gonna make sure you'll be cursing and swearing about me every single day.
You better be prepared.
'Cos I am.
Politics isn't my favourite game.
But that is due to personal preference than abilities.
You shall see...
I'll make your exposed and failed assassination on me,
Your biggest regret in your pathetic life!!
I've to give you credits though.
'Cos you've force me into a corner,
Where I'm willing to cast aside the teachings I've learnt,
To commit karmic retribution,
Just to see you suffer...
12:58 AM
You Are The Chariot
You represent a difficult battle, and a well-deserved victory.
You tend to struggle to get what you want, both internally and externally.
You excel at controlling opposing forces, getting down the same path.
In the end, you bring glory and success - using pure will to move forward.
Your fortune:
There is great conflict in your life right now, either with yourself or others.
You must find a solution to this conflict, which is likely to be a "middle road" between the two forces.
You posses the skills to triumph over these struggles, as long as your will is strong.
You are transforming your inner self, building a better foundation for future successes.
1:48 AM
Met her today...
She looked better than ever before.
Cheerful with a sense of humour that wasn't present before.
Seems like both of us have made the right decision.
She grew happier without me,
I grew stronger without her.
No longer a couple but friends forever...
1:21 AM
Was having a much needed rest after the hectic couple of weeks... I admit I'm starting to feel slightly burnt out. Work wasn't as smooth riding as before. The most tiring moments of juggling work and studies has set in. Rushing for assignments for studies and overseeing new projects at work has driven me to a point where rest and sleep becomes a luxury... Maybe its the lack of sleep, I seems to be complaining a lot. Twice at work I almost let my tempers get the better of me. It so unlike myself. I know I used to have a bad temper, but that was in my hormone-charged teenage years. Ever since I left that period, (and that was a long time ago... Haha!!), I honestly think that I've become a mild tempered person. So to flared up at work was something quite unexpected. Stress? Maybe. But I do think its more of stress to perform to earn my next contract rather than the workload itself. I have a feeling that for the company to extend my contract is determinant on how I handle this project on hand...
For the past few days, Mum have to be the unfortunate listener, regardless if its willingly on her part, to all my whining, complaining and frustration. I'm so grateful yet guilty about that. Although I'm going through a rough patch, there are still things to be positve about. I've increased my Gongyo more than ever. I've been reading more than ever to primarily to de-stress but has since learnt a lot through all these reading. One of my senior colleague, privately tell me that she was impressed by the efficiency that I go about doing my work despite my increased workload. It was a encourging compliment and its always nice to know that people recognised and accknowledge the hard work I've put in. At the end of every day, I will sit down and reflect on what I've done right and wrong. I'll let the rights to give me stregth and encouragment to correct the wrongs. And one thing still haven't change... I'm still enjoying myself!!
Many thanks to Wendy-J for accompany me during Good Friday. I've enjoyed your company and its also thanks to you that I get to meet Miss Sensible... Haha!! And of course I've to thank Miss Sensible for lending us the umberalla!! Wendy-J, help me pass the message, ok? :P
Many thanks to all those present at NTUSD exam DMK on Good Friday. Thank you all for waiting for me to start the evening gongyo. It means a lot to me, to be able to have evening gongyo with all of you, which sadly has also become a luxury too...
Many thanks to Mum, for the patient you've for me. I love you...
8:33 PM
烦恼减少了,
身心轻松了。
渐渐消失了,
那独自昼思夜想,
始终得不到答案的漫长日子。
我无需再为她的烦恼而烦恼,
也不需只为她的快乐才快乐。
现在的我,
是自己的主宰者。
我高兴,因为我发自内心想要高兴。
我忧愁,因为我喜欢那忧愁的凄美。
所有的情感,所有的体验,
完完全全自个控制。
我再也不希望我的世界,
就只为了一个人而旋转。
对于她的祝福仍旧出至衷心,
但她将不再是我生命的重心。
不是我薄情,
而是过于的专情,
模糊了我的视线,
使我失去了生命的焦点。
自由是一种会上瘾的药,
而我便是它的瘾者。
想要戒掉这毒瘾,
谈何容易啊!!
直到医我者的出现,
我将继续我的逍遥游。
3:20 AM
To All NTUSD:
Exams is just around the corner (for you guys, that is :p) and the exams DMK has already started for two weeks. How I wish I could be there with all of you!! Chanting together and giving moral support for each and everyone of you, just like the last, and also my first, exam DMK with all of you. It brought back wonderful memories... It was during that period that my faith had taken roots. It was during that period that I was able to master my gongyo. It was during that period when I was able to personally witnessed actual proof...
Last Thursday, when I was finally able to attend the exam DMK, however, I was disappointed. The attendance wasn't what it used to be. I was hoping to see a room full-packed of us NTUSD members, all of us focus with the same common goals and having powerful and energetic DMK. Although the DMK we had on Thursday wasn't too bad, but to think that it was one of the better DMK session just simply doesn't sit well with me. PLEASE!! This is a personal plead to all the NTUSD members out there: do actively attend the exam DMK!! Although I know I'm not setting a good example myself due to my work committments, I have not given up hope of attending it again. As long as the opportunity araise, you can be sure that I'll be there.
To Phinz and Friends:
More than 3 months have past... Can all of you still remember the New Year resolutions that we've all made and shared with each other? I do, and its still as clear as ever to me. Despite all of us having slightly different resolutions, there are still common ones. And one of them is to better manage our time and to achieve great success in all our exams and studies, fulfilling our roles as a student. Please do remember it. This is a promise not just to among ourselves, but more importantly to oneself. This coming exam is the best opportunity to show our resolve and faith. Do not let anything distract you from achieving your goal. Let's encourage one and another throught this period of challenges. I have absolute faith in each and everyone of you and so please, do your utmost best!!
1:06 AM
It has been a tough week for me... Having enjoy a sustain period of inner-happiness (as most of you would have known if you have been in close contact with me or looked closely at my past blog entries), based on either the Law of Average or the fundmental teaching of Daishonin Buddhism, depending on which suited your taste, I have to say its probably expected that I'll have to go this tough period...
My grand-uncle death wasn't easy on me. He is one of the few relatives on my maternal side that have close contacts with our family. Losing him so suddenly, despite knowing he went peacefully and that he now will definitely be in a better place, I still couldn't help myself to feel that sense of great loss and sadness.
Then there was the assignements that was due. Actually on hindside, it might not be that bad that its happening at this moment. Could hardly sleep anyway, I been using the sleepless nights to complete my due assignments. But still it wasn't easy to keep my spirit nor energy on the next day... Although some have told me I look remarkable energised at work despite the lack of sleep, I must admit I was just trying to show a brave front.
My workload has been increase significantly with the added responsibilty of overseeing the running of a new system. Maintain the old system and taking care of the new, there are times I feel like I'm fighting the battle alone although I knew I wasn't. But still, I like the challenge. Its just the timing of it, as always.
Although its been tough, there are a few friends I like to thanks who have me along throughout my "ordeal" so far. Ben, Wendy-J, Red, Yong Kang, Bi-Bu and Sis, thank you all for sending regards and concern to me. I'm truly grateful and your words have given me the warmth and energy to carry on positively.
Thank you Limin. Although you may not have realise it. My guess is you did not know of the death of my grand-uncle. When we 're chatting online that day, it was just like a normal chat that we usually share. However that simple gesture, let me feel normal again. It makes me realise that despite all the difficulties I'm facing, the world is still moving in it usual mode and I must wake up from my self-pity and continue with my life. You have help pulled me up unwittingly and that is a rare gift that you have within you.
Thank you Lydia for the great help in the assignement. Once again you have given me encouragment when I'm down and provide assistance when I most needed it. I've lost count the number of times that happened and you're simply have the knack of saying or doing things that to me when it really matters. Thank you for everything. It must be some karmic relationship we shared in our past existence that brought you and I together now. You're the perfect friend, a soul-mate even, that I can hope for and you can bet your every cents that I'll do everything to make sure it maintains that way forever.
Life is full of ups and downs. I knew that and I will continue my life positively. The down I'm feeling right now will make my ups, which is sure to come, that more sweeter and enjoyable. For those who are still worried about me, I like to use this opportunity to say, I'm already okay.
8:55 AM
The death of my grand-uncle... So sudden, it came without any warning. The news of his death was brought to my attention only when I was having dinner with Wendy-J and Ben, celebrating Ben's birthday. My first reaction was shocked. Truly shocked. The news seems so unreal that I still couldn't make myself believe it. When I was on the cab on my way to the wake at Singapore Casket, all the memories that I've shared with grand-uncle just flooded back. He was a quiet and humble man, carrying himself in a dignified way. He used to come and visit Granny at our home and we never failed to share a friendly chat. He was a hardworking man, working all his life for the sake of his family. He never indulge in material pleasure like travelling or luxury stuff. To him, seeing his kids grown up to be successful in their lives and the whole family been happy is all he ever wish for. He was a fighter. He battled against nose-cancer and recovered fully from it. During that period, he never gave up of recovery. He was always positive and the only thing he ever complained was that he has lose the sense of taste due to the treatment. This is a man who slogged all his life for his family, battled through terminal dieases. However, at a time when, after overcoming all the difficulties, he should be enjoying the bliss of being with his family and playing with his grand-children, he was denied that chance. The only relief was that he go away with minimal pain. He was having his breakfast with his family before a heart attack took him away from us.
He is an elder I have great respect of. To see him laying motionless in the casket, with is face swollen to the point where I almost couldn't recognise him, the sadness finally sets in and I've to hold back my tears, to prevent making a scene at the wake. His family have decided to keep the wake simple and will only last for three days, just the way they knew, we knew, was what grand-uncle would have wanted, simple and easy. But when I went back home and told Granny about it, I can sense the disappointment in her face and voice. It was never going to be easy for her, knowing that relatives and friends could only pay their respect for her brother for only three days... Through all this sadness, Granny is the one I'm most worried about. I hope grieve doesn't hurt her too much as she is now on her way to recovery after the major surgery. I can only stand by her and share her pain at the lost of a great man, a wonderful member in our extended family....
7:29 AM
Yesterday was a real crazy night for me. For the very first time in my entire life, I actually got drunk!! More on that later...
Went to Zouk for FCUK fashion show. As it was a collaboration with my company New Balance, I was entitled to the VIP ticket!! The show was pretty cool. Probably its because it isn't the usual fashion show which employs professional models. The show was paraded by people from all walks of life. There are civil servant, art director, water polo player and many others. Even one of my colleague, Dennis, was also involved!! Of course we reserved the loudest cheer for him!! The whole show was very fun and refreshing. Its nice to see common people like them parading the show, whom we can feel more engaging with, than compared to the models whom clothes looks good on them but somehow never on us...
When the show was over, me and a few of my colleagues stayed behind. During the show, volka drinks was free-flow. And as a volka-lover, it was great news for me and of course I simply couldn't stop drinking!! Haha!! But all the volka wasn't THE drink that down me. Arthur, our regional manager, treated me and all of our colleagues to one jug of long island ice tea each. Now, that killed me. Without any chance to dance and purge the "high-ness", I was pretty doom to be drunk after that. Luckily, Catherine's boyfriend was really kind and helpful to drive me back home, together with Siew Ching and Catherine of course. And I guess I was being a good boy by vomiting before going entring his car and control myself from vomiting in his car throughout the ride!! Haha!! :p At that moment, I saw distorted images of my environment but was still able to know roughly where I was. I definitely knew what I was talking so I wasn't sprouting nonsense. But I lost my body control and to be frank, it feels kinda of liberated!! Many thanks to Cat's boyfriend for the ride home!!
This morning, strangely enough, I didn't suffer any hangover. I still managed to went for my job training with relative ease. After the training, went to Marina Square for my hair-cut and then meet up with Wendy-J to go shopping for Ben's birthday present. Was thinking of buying a watch for Ben, but somehow, Wendy-J and I seems to have different taste when it comes to watches!! We end up deciding to get Ben to buy what he wants and we'll just pay for it. Lacks the element of suprise, but at least Ben got what he really wanted. Before meeting up with Ben, Wendy-J and I managed to squeeze a bit of time to catch Ice Age 2. Very nice and funny movie!! The animation was great and the characters were so comical!!
We met Ben at PS and went for our dinner at MOS. The first time I went to MOS ever since the last assignment I did involving MOS as my topic. Although I'm still pissed with their management, the food reminds me why I used to love them. After dinner, we went shopping at Orchard. In the end, Ben chose the Puma shoes as his present. (Hey, I still thinks New Balance shoes are better!! Haha!!). Went window shopping a little before we finally hit back home. An enjoyable day basically.
Really, really loving my life at the moment. Although I still faces difficulties at work and studies at times, so far I've managed to overcome all of them. I know I'm really fortunate that I'm able to enjoy myself at this moment. I've heard and knew about others who experienced great difficulties and often regard the working-cum-studying period their toughest moments in lives. I 'm most probably the exception than the norm and I couldn't tell you how grateful I am...
12:32 AM
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